My Life Without Her

-Her-

"Please try and get some sleep." Lucas said from beside me as he tightened the seatbelt around his waist, we were currently on an airplane on our way back home for my dad's funeral. I hadn't slept for days, the first night I tried to, I had a nightmare and woke up screaming and drenched in sweat. I've refused to sleep since then and it's been nearly five days "You look exhausted." He added softly as he looked at me with concern

"I can't." I breathed as I fiddled with my fingers "I just can't, Luke..."

"Please Angel, it's only a couple hours." He said as he looked at me seriously "I'm right here if you need me, as always." He reached his hand out to touch my face as he caressed my cheek softly, my eyes fluttered shut as I inhaled deeply "Please." He added in a whisper, barely audible

"What am I going to do, Luke?" I said as I sniffled, turning away from him to quickly wipe the tear that had fallen from my eye as I stared out the window, looking at the beautiful fluffy clouds "I feel so lost." I said before gulping slightly, suppressing a sob; I felt him grip my hand and I squeezed even tighter as I buried my face into the crook of his neck and sobbed softly as he stroked my hair.

I felt so stupid because I haven't stopped crying since my mom told me about my dad; I hated it because it made me feel vulnerable. I hated feeling weak.

"You want to know something?" He murmured into my hair as my face was still pressed onto his neck "Everything you're feeling right now was what I felt when my mom died." He murmured and I pulled away as I looked at him while wiping my eyes, he stroked my hair as he looked at me sadly "I know how it feels and I know it hurts like hell, Angel." He whispered "But one day you're going to wake up and realize it's a new day and that you've got your whole life ahead of you." He said as he caressed my cheek softly once again "You've got so much left to live for, Angel." He whispered "Your dad loves and would hate to see you do this to yourself... he'd want to see you happy and with that beautiful smile we all know and love."

"What if I can never be happy again?" I whispered and he shook his head

"Life is a beautiful thing, Angel." He said with a sad smile "The trick to being happy is finding the beauty in the little things and learning how to embrace them." He said and I grabbed a kleenex from my bag as I blew my nose, he chuckled slightly "You better now?"

"A little." I whispered as I crumpled the kleenex and set it in the little empty wrapper, closing it as I set it in my bag; I wiped my eyes as I looked at him and sighed deeply before resting my head on his shoulder, I felt him stiffen slightly "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I muttered "Sometimes I wish.... I wish I'd never met you; only so I wouldn't have to know your pain."

"What do you mean?" He whispered

"Knowing what happened to your mom, how it happened and everything your dad did to you hurts me... because you're honestly the best person I've ever known." I said as I fiddled with my fingers again "That's why I can't understand."

"Because life screws us all, Angel." He breathed "Good person or not, it would be unfair if it didn't." I blinked slowly as I started to feel my eyelids become heavy as I stifled a yawn "Sweet dreams, Angel."

******

Someone was most definitely shaking my shoulder, and whispering something I couldn't make out; wait a minute... I fell asleep?! How did that happen? The last thing I remember was talking to Lucas about... life really. Wow, what a boring conversation that must've been, I'm surprised he didn't doze off as well!

"Angel, wake up." He murmured softly as he shook my shoulder, I groggily opened my eyes to meet his brown ones with long and beautiful eyelashes... wow, I forgot how pretty his eyes were up close "We're here." He said as he cleared his throat "You ready?" He asked as I stretched slightly, cracking my neck and wincing at the sound, man, that was going to be a bother later.

"Not really..." I murmured as I bit my lip and then sighed softly as I pinched the bridge of my nose "but if I don't do this now I never will."

"I called your mom and told her we arrived..." He said and I looked at him bewildered "I hope you don't mind."

"I don't, but... how did you get her number?" I asked and he chuckled sheepishly

"Dinah." He answered and I nodded as I shook my head "I asked for it just in case."

"What'd my mom say?" I asked softly "Did she even say anything at all?" I muttered and he sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck

"Not really; just that she was waiting for us." I said as we finally stood up from our seats since the plane was practically empty, we walked in silence to baggage claim and then headed towards the entrance to hail a cab, I rubbed my hands together as I looked out the window, taking in my hometown I hadn't seen in years "Nervous?" He asked and I merely nodded

"I haven't..." I sighed as I shook my head as I glanced at my lap "I haven't been back here since I left for college." I said and he looked at me in shock "Whenever I wanted to see my parents I always flew them out to New York, but... I never came back."

"Why?" He asked and I chuckled slightly

"The same reason you never came back." I said as I looked at him; he looked sad "Because it was too hard."