Oh My God. Lucas was kissing me! Lucas Anderson was kissing me! How could I let this happen? How could I... just let him break down my walls again? I didn't want to let him in again but... was I wrong to feel amazing? To still feel those butterflies I felt all those years ago when he touched me?
I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON.
How was I supposed to look at Nate after this? Should I tell him? Should I not tell him? He'd be crushed if I didn't but he's be crushed all the same if he found out from someone else.
Goddammit Lucas Anderson, what are you doing to me?!
"Fuck." He breathed as he pulled away, breathing heavily as I did as well "That was amazing." He whispered as his hand was pressed onto the wall I was backed into, how did we even get in this position?
He backed away as he looked at me intently, my stomach felt like it was on fire and my lips were tingling, they were also swollen. My legs felt all tingly as well. I breathed deeply before opening my mouth to speak, but my phone ringing beat me to it. I grabbed it quickly and stepped outside.
"Hello?" I said as I tried to control my breathing
"Babe?" Nate's voice said and I bit my lip "You okay?" He chuckled and I rubbed the back of my neck nervously
"Yeah, just out of breath because my phone was upstairs." I said as I breathed deeply, he chuckled in response "What's up?"
"Just calling to see how you're doing." He said and I felt my heart drop with guilt. How could I have been so stupid! "Sorry I didn't call earlier, crazy busy." He muttered and I shook my head even though he couldn't see me
"Don't worry about it." I said as I bit my lip "And I'm doing okay, better than I imagined." I said as I ran my hand along my balcony absentmindedly
"How's Lucas?" He asked "And your mom? Send her my best." He said and I nodded softly
"They're okay too." I answered with a sigh "We all are." I added but bit my lip.
No, we all weren't.
*****
"Honey, come down here for a sec!" I heard my mom call from downstairs, the kitchen to be exact. I had stayed behind after my phone call with Nate because I just couldn't face Lucas right now, not after that.... amazing kiss.
"Coming!" I called out as I exited my room and walked down the stairs with a huff but frowned once I noticed that Lucas was nowhere to be found "Where's Lucas?" I asked
"That's what I called you for; he said he was going to go visit someone... but I don't know who." She said and my frown deepened "Do you have an idea? I wanted to have dinner and I just thought you could go look for him, fresh air will do you good." She said with a shrug "What were you two yelling about before?" She asked and I gasped slightly as I looked at her with wide eyes "He seemed upset when he left."
"It's nothing, Mom." I whispered as I played with the ends of my hair "I'll go look for him but I have no idea where to start." I said as I smacked my hands on my thighs with a sigh
"What about the cemetery?" She said and I instantly smiled
"Mother, you are a genius!" I exclaimed as I kissed her cheek and grabbed my keys as I went out the door, saying I'd be back soon.
I reached the cemetery within ten minutes, it wasn't a far walk from my house, it was chilly and the atmosphere was... cold and weird when I entered. I tried my best to remember the way to Lucas' mothers' grave, it took me quite a while to find it, but when I did I sighed happily when I saw his figure crouched down in front of it, his head was down and when I put my hand on his shoulder, he flinched slightly in surprise
"Hey." I said, barely audible as I squeezed his shoulder slightly "You okay?" I asked once I heard him sniffle slightly and he lifted his had to rub in across his face
"What are you doing here?" He croaked and I rolled my eyes slightly as I sat down next to him, glancing at his mother's grave and smiling softly
"Hey, Mrs. Anderson, long time no see." I grinned softly, ignoring his question at first, from the corner of my eye I saw him crack a small smile "Looking for you, obviously." I muttered as I played with the grass on the ground, pulling in slightly
"Why? Your boyfriend ignoring you or something?" He said dryly and I sighed deeply "That seems to be the only time you 'look' for me; when there's no one else to turn to." He said softly
"You really want to have this conversation in front of your mother?" I muttered and he lifted his gaze to the sky, squinting at the sunlight in his eyes
"A little privacy, mom?" He said a little loudly and I rolled my eyes playfully, but he didn't see "There, she's gone." He said "So? Care to answer my question?"
"What do you want me to say, Luke?" I whispered
"The truth." He said "Why are you here... and while we're on the subject of truth; why did you ask me to come with you?" I groaned softly
"I told you why." I said and he shook his head
"No, actually; you told your mom and she told me... but I don't believe you." He said and I blinked at him and then turned back to playing with the grass "You and I both know that if you would've asked Nate to come he would've done everything in his power if it meant being here for you." He said and I blinked slowly "But you didn't even ask him, you refused to; which meant you knew he would."
"Not this again, Luke..." I whispered "I just came to get you for dinner, that's all." He scoffed slightly as I saw him rub his jaw
"Yeah? Well, I don't believe you, or the reason why I'm here." I huffed loudly as I stood up abruptly
"Fine! You want to hear why you're here?!" I exclaimed as he looked up at me as he stood up slowly "Well, here it is Luke: it's because I wanted you here, okay?!" He had now stood up and was looking down at me intently "I didn't want Nate, or Dinah, or Dani; I wanted you!" I was about to say something else, but was cut off with his lips slamming into mine roughly and hungrily, kind of like before, minus me being pressed up against a wall, this time my body was completely pressed onto his, like glue.
The kiss was euphoric and exiting. A little bit sexy but sloppy too, but like before, I felt amazing, I felt like I was on cloud nine or high on drugs, which is a weird analogy, but that's what Lucas' kisses were to me, they were my drug.
He was my drug.
YOU ARE READING
My Life Without Her
Fiksi Remaja{SEQUEL TO MY LIFE WITH HIM} It's been 7 years since Eleanor and Lucas last saw each other. Eleanor Grey, now 24 and a college drop out, but a recently published author. Lucas Anderson, now 25, a pre-med graduate and a medical student. What happen...
