My Life Without Her

-Him-

Today was the day. Today was the funeral. I was kind of nervous actually, because I didn't know what to expect from Eleanor or her mom, but I knew I had to be there for them; who else would?

After Eleanor and I kissed again yesterday at the cemetery, we didn't really say much, I think she didn't want to. So we just stayed there for a little before eventually saying goodbye to my mom and heading back to her house for dinner. I slept on the couch.

I woke up before them, so I decided to make then both a nice breakfast; I knew it wouldn't really help but the thought is what counts right? I had made them pancakes again and when I went up to her mother's room I didn't really say anything, I only greeted her and left the food at the foot of her bed. I just didn't know what to say.

But when I walked up to Eleanor's room, in the back of my mind I knew I had to say something, it was her after all.

I didn't knock since I figured she was sill asleep; she was. When I opened the door and poked my head inside, I saw her peacefully sleeping on her bed, a ton of blankets wrapped around her. I quietly approached her bed and set the tray beside her and on her her bed, just looking at her sleep for a little.

I stroked her hair softy, causing her to stir and slowly open her eyes "Morning." I breathed and she squinted when she noticed it was me "Brought you some breakfast." I said, nudging my head in the tray's direction; she followed my gaze and barely cracked a smile when she saw the rose I'd put in the vase.

"We don't grow roses." She muttered as she stood up, I chuckled softly as I ducked my head in embarrassment

"Don't tell your neighbor." I muttered and she chuckled softly as she stood up and glanced at her clock

"I have to get ready." She whispered sadly as she breathed shakily "Thanks for the breakfast, Luke..." She added and I nodded softly "and about yesterday..." She said but I shook my head

"That can wait; today is not about that." I said and she smiled softly "Today we celebrate your dad."

******

"And now we will have Eleanor Grey say some words on her father." The priest said as he motioned to Eleanor and shut his bible as he stepped off the podium.

She inhaled shakily as she hastily wiped her tear-rimmed eyes and stood up as she walked towards the podium with her head low

"First of all, I want to thank everyone for coming," she said once she was at the podium "I know my dad would love to see all the people he loved together in a room one last time." She said shakily as she gripped onto both sides of the podium, her knuckles were white "I remember when I was a little girl, my dad always used to say 'Baby girl, you're going to do great things. You're going to change lives. Save them.' And that always kind of stuck with me because he always said he'd love it if I became a doctor, a lawyer or something like that." She sniffled and gulped deeply before swiftly wiping her tears away, I glanced from the corner of my eye and saw her crying silently so I extended my hand out to her and she gripped it tightly "Then I discovered writing." She added with a small smile "The day I told him I wanted to be a writer, I was so scared; terrified even. I didn't know how he would take it." She said and the crowd chuckled softly "He cried when I told him." She said, her voice thick with emotion it made me want to run and hug her to tightly she couldn't breathe "But it wasn't because he was sad; it was because he was proud of me." She said shakily "He was nothing but supportive of my dream; sometimes I think he was an even bigger fan than my mom, and that's saying something." Eleanor's mom chuckled/sobbed softly next to me "So I want to take this moment to thank my dad, for always believing in me." Her lip quivered as she turned to her left to look at the huge portrait of her dad "I love you." She faintly whispered before walking down the podium and sitting down next to me; she rested her head on my shoulder and I also gripped her hand tightly before saying

"I bet he's looking down at you right now, and he's so proud." I whispered into her ear, causing her to sob softly before nuzzling her head into the crook of my neck

"I bet he is." She whispered back

******

We had just buried Eleanor's dad. It was a terrible sight that made me sick to my stomach; memories of burying my mother flashed in my mind, causing a lump to form at my throat.

I don't know who thought that burying someone 7 feet underground was a proper goodbye, or incineration. Really? Burning someone's decaying corpse? Morbid, really.

Eleanor's mother was sobbing uncontrollably when they started putting dirt above his casket, Eleanor tried to be strong, but was sobbing as well; she never let go of my hand.

The guests and her mother had returned to her house; Eleanor refused to leave so her mother asked me to stay behind. Like I would leave her alone. It's a cemetery! Who knows what kind of creeps wander around her from time to time?

I don't think she knew I was here though, I was a few tombstones behind her; she was just sitting there, picking off the grass from the ground like she did when I came here to see my mother.

"Take a picture; it'll last longer!" She called out from over her shoulder causing me to chuckle slightly as I shook my head. Guess there was no point in staying behind, right?

"You cold?" I asked as soon as I sat next to her on the ground; I took my jacket when she shook her head. So stubborn.

"Thanks." She whispered, barely audible as I draped it over her "I don't think I've ever seen you in a suit before." She muttered, glancing at me from the corner of my eye

"Don't know, can't remember." I said with a slight shrug as I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around my legs "I liked your speech, very beautiful." I said softly and she wiped the corner of her eye before sniffling "I couldn't even finish mine." I whispered, she turned her head to look at me with teary eyes "I sort of had a meltdown." She gripped my hand and entwined our fingers together as she gave it a tight squeeze "See what I mean by you being able to get through this?" I said as I squeezed her hand back and she looked at me with a quivering lip as more tears fell from her eyes, I reached my free hand out and wiped them away "You don't even know how incredibly brave you are." I whispered and she came closer to me as I wrapped my arm around her waist, she was sobbing softly into my chest

"I miss him so much." She sobbed and I kissed her head as I rubbed her back soothingly. She stopped crying after a little while, sniffling every once in a while, she eventually lifted her head from my shoulder and met my gaze, I smiled sadly as I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and the kissing her forehead, resting my forehead on hers.

As she inhaled and exhaled, I could practically feel her lips on mine.

Until I actually did.