Hidden Wonder

Getting Out of The Slump

It's almost been a week since I broke down, I feel the same overwhelming sense of, dread? Sadness? Un accomplishments. Even though I was surrounded by friends, even though I continued to coach the trainees and train with Ryder and Gavyn. I've been a shell of a person and I've tried... really tried to overcome these feelings.

I remember Zinnia going on and on about her night during the gala. How her and Fawllin ended up together in "fire filled passion" as she put it. I did show some emotion of shock before it was quickly overtaken by the current moods flooding through my mind as of late. Any time anyone spoke to me my response was always "mmm" and "yeah" and "mhm." I couldn't help it really.

I was locked inside of my mind. No amount of kisses and hugs and "everything will be alright's" was going to pull me out of this nightmare. Not even wine helped me, Zin offered to do those Fae shrooms we talked about, but then Fawllin and Yundor both disagreed saying my headspace wasn't the best to be going on a trip with some magic shrooms. I agreed to wait, because I was terrified of what would happen if I were to take them in my current state.

Though the other part of my mind wondered if maybe it would help in some way? Regardless of if it turned into a bad trip. They all tried their best really. Trying to get me to laugh, or smile, or talk. Gavyn and Ryder tried more with getting me to talk than the others, though that didn't really work. How do I talk about something that I still don't understand myself? I told them how I was feeling, but not knowing why is what really drives the nail further in my coffin.

Ryder said he was going to take me out for the day, some place just a little walks away from the back of the castle. Though I'm not quite sure when we are to do that. I'm currently laying in bed, I should probably shower but I don't want to move. I haven't had anymore "godly" dreams and for that I'm grateful. I'm not sure how mentally sane I would be if I had another one.

After 30 minutes of staring at the ceiling, I decide it's probably best for everyone that I shower since I've basically been a boiling stew in this bed for two days now. I turn the shower all the way to hot and strip to nothing as the water warms. I don't relish the comforting heat, instead I slump to the ground, wrapping my arms around my knees as the water pounds against my body.

I don't know how long I sit here for. Long enough for my fingers to prune. Standing on my feet Begrudgingly, I quickly wash myself and my hair before shutting the water off and conjuring air to dry my body. The fluffy robe feels light and soft against my skin, I'm reluctant to take it off. I sigh knowing I need to put actual clothes on.

Leggings and a t shirt, I don't care honestly. They are all lucky I don't just walk around in the robe. Ryder strides through my bedroom door, quickly wrapping his arms around me, holding me to his chest before kissing my head. We stand there for a couple minutes, just holding each other.

"Are you ready to go?" He asks me softly.

"Yeah.... I'm ready enough." I whisper the last bit to myself but I'm sure he heard. Soon we are headed out of the castle, walking along an uneven path towards the back where it turns thin, winding into the woods.

"There's a temple here, deep in the woods. Some Fae go there regularly, but it hasn't been frequently visited in these passed weeks."

"Why not?"

"Well.. because of those beasts.. I thought it best to request that everyone mind the woods as best they can."

"Mm..." was all I replied.

"I thought maybe you'd like to see it? Lots of us pray to the Goddess, though we are unsure if they are heard in this world. Still people like to try."

"That makes sense."

I see him in my peripheral continue to side eye me, almost watching and waiting to see if I'll break apart in some way. This is nice though, being in nature. It somewhat dulls the sadness, which is good for a little while.