How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

Reader...Do you not Agree???

Today I must say started out tragically as one would suppose with such slow witted and dull help. I had dragged myself out of bed and sulked my way towards the bathroom. Well I believe someone carried me into my place of rest to be bathed and brushed at my whim. The bath water should have been a little over room temperature when I stepped in as I often tell these servants at my disposal. At first glance, it seemed so, but after arrival of my trusty thermometer and testing of the said waters I realized it was much colder than I had specified. I was not amused.

Thermometers can be very useful items by the way. If it were not for this handsome little instrument, I may have fallen into a coma from the freezing arctic temperatures these dim wits had wished for me to succumb to. Death would have been the result and I speculate they may have celebrated after as someone often does in their disgraceful and arrogant ways. When you are superior to these others it should not come as a surprise when thoughts of killing you come about. It happens to all the great men of my time and before.

Normally I would let such a careless atrocity go, but my servants need to identify how to treat someone of greater respect such as myself, their master. I of course called for the accountant who handles the books and pays all of the servants quite generously. It is important to deal with such matters quickly, and it was not much of a problem to find the servant who had poured my bath. We know which servant is which as we mark them on their cheek with distinctive markings in order to specify who they are by parental linage and stature.

A most welcome endeavor at keeping order. Now this accountant also spends most times within this household. He of course must know his place and as I call him like any other, I expect him to come to my beck and call in a swift hurry. If he were to take his time it would not go well with his person and he may find himself on the outskirts of our lands with no clothes on, rain, sleet, or shine. This time as usual he did come in a proper manner. A time which I was very much pleased. It took him but a moment to catch his breath and I ordered a neighboring servant to pour him something to refresh his being. Thus my servants found a seat that he required, as his legs were shaking from the long journey up the flights of many stairs.

I, if you would like to know have a contraption of sorts that is hooked up to a rope and can be pulled from the first floor to the top but takes quite some time and energy to use. It would not be to my pleasure to walk such an overly laboring monstrosity. My parents do let these otherwise inconsistent Neanderthals use the contraption, but I am not so lenient. They must continue to sweat in their work and understand pay does not come to the servant without hard labor. It seemed so to this accountant however, quite to my surprise and disappointment that he did not understand the situation upon arrival. He truly had to the nerve to ask me...

WHAT THE MATTER WAS?

Was it not clear? I am at the topmost of the stairs, screaming at the top of my lungs, hands clinging to the tip of a bathrobe, and he had the nerve to ask me what the matter was? It is so challenging to find good help these days. Imbeciles! Nevertheless, like any kind and loving ruler I told this idiot that I wished to deduct the pay of the women who had poured my bath. One silver piece each from their daily pay. It seemed he wished to speak but otherwise thought the better of it once I gave him a glare that normally works on such wretched help. It is quite nauseating when the help thinks it can explain anything outside of being the help, and even in that they fail in every way possible.

WHAT FRAIL BEINGS THEY MUST BE?

I did allow him to utter a few words which I found even less intelligible, but he seemed to believe that deducting their pay would be incredibly hard on them as they, in a week, did not receive enough to sustain themselves. The retrieval of funds such as this would have them obtain no food and possibly their place of residence would become the dirt outside their home. I guess people are in need of sustenance or they may die and I did not want my mother and father's servants to expire, so I relented, but made the accountant sit in the cold tub for an hour until he understood how to address a man such as I in the right manner, clothes and all. Forgetting to call me Sir and looking at me as he spoke should have been an offense and I needed to treat it as such.

The other bath they poured for me was wonderful. It was the right temperature as my trusty thermometer supposed and they had left an array of toys upon the waters, crystal clear, that I could play with. A woman sat near to me, adjacent to the tub and nourished me with some sort of tea and biscuit. It was too much of a hassle to play with my toys and use my hands to pick up the cup at the same time, so she for the first time was a much-needed help. It tasted of peppermint tea leaves straight from the garden and had just the right amount of sugar and milk. Just the way I like it.

Tea is such an important part of our daily endeavors. In case I forget to tell you we also sell tea. It is not something I wish to bore you with at all as I do not find it as fascinating as our buggy business. The tea business my father invested in was his own hope and his persistence in trying to keep me busy in other areas of interest. A waste of time, I do believe that he has handed over to me. I am not sure what it is worth nor have I looked with any sort of admiration, but from my understanding we sell the most tea in this country or anywhere else for that matter. My butler handles any circumstance that comes with this business, and I allow him to take five percent of any earnings. I sometimes wonder the amount he receives and would guess he is at least above those who live in the town. Although I do not care much for it, and I shall not ask him.

Another thing you must understand is that the rich such with us carry gold and silver. We have a few coppers but rarely do we need these because we buy everything in bulk. We prefer to melt them down and use them as discs when the help needs something thrown upon them. Especially when at times that they have struggled in causing my day to be a blessing. If they survive the assault they are in a sense rewarded. A copper disc can help them to obtain various amounts of much needed sustenance.

People below the hill usually carry enormous amounts of silver that they use to acquire whatever they may need. The poorest of the people within this nation carry copper. The servants mainly use copper to buy their things and I know of no other that carry such metals around with them. I have never actually seen a copper coin but know that it is not something I would wish to touch. It is beneath me, too disgusting to look upon.

Some servants do have some silver, but I have heard they bury it in fear that someone may come and take what belongs to them. If they had an ounce of intelligence, they would know to buy servants to protect their investments but I would fathom they do not have the brains and know how of any person of great importance. I, in my knowledge have bought my own servants to protect anything I do so dearly love. Not that I trust them either.

Of course I keep all my monetary funds within my safe as an extra precaution. You never know if one of these servants were really thieves playing the part of a domestic, but they are always disciplinary actions towards those who would try to sneak from me. Nothing like severing or chopping off the hands and the like but something like firing of one's servant usually would suffice and possibly dropping them from off the 100-foot wall. Although I like the first idea better. I have never actually experienced one's thievery before and am not too worried about such a problem to ever arise.

Treatment of your servants in a loving manner is very important to me. Possibly at the top of my list of good things I have done in my short twenty-three years of life. Yet they do not seem to take my kindness as well as they should. It would not be expected for these ungrateful ingrates to ever understand true kindness. I will have to hold for a moment while I declare to a chauffeur and explain to him where I must go and what I must do. He should know, but I must tell my servants again and again because unlike someone like I, it takes time for them to understand very simple instructions.