How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

What is a Thaler to a god?

Upon his arrival this deprived, yet reliable vampire has come before me, ragged and tired. He may have had a rough day or night. I would suppose it may have come about by this laborious design he would have had upon this beautiful key I still wear upon my bosom. At the sight of me he seems to cheer up and smiles, moves his head up and down and asks what work I would wish from him. As I usually do I look him up and down, checking for any wear that may not be in the proper place as often these domestics forget how to costume. Upon close inspection I approve of his somewhat tidy appearance and proceed towards my vault which seems to bring somewhat of a fearful expression upon his face. It takes me but a moment to open this precious gem and retrieve with some difficulty, one shiny brick of substantial gold which I lay upon his hands. In his shock he remains there, staring at the said piece as if confused, then lays it carefully on the maple wood table and bows before me as he often does. 

Upon his departure with his beloved piece, I sit upon my cherished couch and mule over what has just happened. Of which I do now. It is quite confusing as to how I feel at the moment. Neither good nor bad. I would say indifferent towards his character, and I would suppose I neither care nor sympathize with him. This good deed however may result in some worthiness for my person. I shall wait and see. If it does benefit my person in some way, I may continue with such acts if it so please my very self. Although I still cringe at the thought of these animals living outside of their proper boundaries.

Upon further thought I decided to take a glance down the hallway and saw my help turn himself about in such an odd fashion and run all silly, as if triumphant down the stairs without falling to my amusement. Although I would find it comical for his person to fall head long and injure himself in some fashion upon his newfound treasure. Not so that he would be incapable of labor as his unemployment would not be beneficial to one such as myself, but only enough that he would, in his pain believe that his current torment was for taking what did not belong to him. It is not for me to give and to take back, so I shall not ask for this gold brick to be returned to my person. But I shall belabor those help in order to bring about some joyful expression upon my visage. It is one's duty to chastise those who do not understand the emotions that are experienced from the difficulties of these hardships I often find my very self in.

I BELIEVE IT WILL BE ANOTHER HORRIBLE DAY!!!

One that I could not imagine to be possible. For whatever reason my foolish cousins have decided to visit. As if my good deed had gone unnoticed and the universe had decided to punish me instead of reward. Imagine the surprise upon my face when I witnessed these weak, simple-minded buffoons upon my doorstep. Oh! How I wish they had given me ample time of notice so that in haste I may have gone upon some far-off vacation in the hopes of never seeing them again. I may have to write later on as at the moment I am held up in my room while they gallivant downstairs like animals do in mud beds. All in all, I do understand why they would have made this decision to be here as it is my birthday.

 However I oh so wish they would have never come. Alas, this is a burden I must attend to. It does not surprise me in the least as of yet that my own flesh and blood has not appeared before me. The ones who bear my last name. The two donators to my person who gave me life. Indeed astonishment would not be the word if they were on some mountain, or in Africa enjoying their selves with their riches as I suffer amongst these swamp-born spawn. I will have to continue in a minute as it may not be favorable for such to see some works within my diary. I believe it may anger them and I may need them some day for some favor.

ALWAYS KEEP IDIOTS CLOSE TO YOU!!!

It has been quite the eventful day I may say. Upon amalgamation of myself amongst my lesser human beings I found it to be quite delightful. It was such a strange feeling I may add. My uncle and aunt had come along as well, and my cousins had begun their meandering early as the servants prepared the tables and games to play. Like small rodents in a den full of thieves they ran amok within my beautiful residence. I had witnessed their stupidity as they took some sort of small ball contraption and began bouncing it against the wall. To my surprise it was actually quite humorous. Humorous like watching pigs in a wet, shallow, mud pool. They in their child like stupidity had chosen the luxurious middle hall as the events setting, which I may add is quite astonishing to look upon.

They did not seem to notice that such a place was not the most beneficial setting to begin their cooperative, animal like skills in horseplay. As I stood amongst them, my eyes were taken by the brilliance and craftsmanship from pieces I have acquired from different shops and towns I have visited. Paintings of past kings, poets, settings, unknown people of importance and my own illustrious family came alive upon these wooden, fine, mahogany walls. The detail of the "magical trees" are exquisite in nature upon each piece of fine literature, the maple wood bookcase and the writings of the past had gone and left me smitten. If only I, myself, could go back in time and meet such an elaborate bunch to enjoy a tea and brunch or better yet the foods of lands that I once come from. Alas I am amongst these buffoons, these uneducated orphans that I must entertain for a time until their absence. 

Even now as I write they leave such an undesired mess upon my kitchen counter in their sorry attempts to make some sort of ungodly concoction of sugars, flour, milk and eggs. What wretched day must have been born to me that I must amuse these insects? The universe must have laughed as I fell upon this deluge of waste that poured out as if an afterthought in creation of these visibly, tormented, rodents. But I must not let these creatures irritate me as they frolic within my pantry in the hopes that they may create some wondrous treat. I shall take off through the front door as if I were to invite some others to this most lackluster jamboree. Yes, I shall escape and as I return, it may bring to me delight as they either think me dead and mourned my passing or returned to their own household in the belief that I should not come hither upon my mansion. Shall we call it the great escape? Yes! Yes! We shall call it the great escape!

It is not much of an issue as I embark upon my mission. Most of the help are no longer within these walls and these humans bound to me by flesh and blood in their comical adventures seem unaware of my departure. Even as I walk, I write while gazing at the beautiful piece around my décolletage. It still glimmers and sparkles like stars painted metallic, hued out of the sun and dipped in honey. I still cannot fathom that my help did such a splendid job on this fine piece. And yet it troubles me so. Why did the key seem so attracted to the desired position upon that ill-fated wall? Could such an appeal have been by magic? A sorcery which by some destiny coerced this key to both find me and tempt me to some fate? So that I may find its riches and entertain my desire to gain more? This may seem logical as in the universes superb observation of everything that indwells and encompasses me, chose me, so sufficient, and yet more! To take from such a splendid chest, a cave, or some palace made of gold in another world. Who else would such a thing be left for but I?

 It intrigues me in such a way that I do believe I shall enter its midst and I shall cast off any fears that I may have. Stories of monsters hiding in such places told to children in their beds usually begin with a fable such as this. A vampire or some sort may pop up and take me as some trophy of the UN-dead. A beautiful woman who had turned but just a century and still young like the fair maiden who I have admired from afar. Although it would be a fate worth living if it were to take me from these wretched family members of mine. But enough of that. I shall not believe that nothing good may come of this. This significant piece of ornamental mastery will have my riches significantly beyond my riches and I know this to be true. What other could occur from such a fine-looking find? Not that the latter would have been possible for any other but for such destiny to befall someone of my stature I find it quite implausible. Imagine someone as exceptional as myself falling into such a predicament as this. Not I. It tickles me to even think such a thing were even believable. So again, I shall wander back to that picturesque door upon the wall and take what deserves to be mine.