I keep on feeling like I'm fucking up my life..
Like I'm too pushy and bossy, and just outright annoying. I don't get boundaries and people don't tell me when I'm crossing them.
I feel like actual shit because of it and I just don't know what to do.. like if I apologize they'll say it's fine or whatever and that gets to me because my words dont matter? And I know words aren't as strong as actions but what if you can't do any actions because the person you're apologizing to keeps cancelling on you and ignoring you? What do you do then?
I'd rather people just straight up tell me they hate me then ignore me .... Like hey, abandonment issues, trust issues gained from people
Ffs I'm gonna be fr, I was talking to this girl abt kinks and I'm like got any? Yk when blitzo asks fizz is he's got any weird kinks he should know about, so I asked. That in itself is weird.. but I did that.. many many regrets rn. So she answers and then when it's my turn (we were playing truth or dare), she asks me and I pause. Seriously what are mine.. I know I had some before like at one point I was really into Dom/Sub for some fucked reason irdkrn and she knows abt the Dom/Sub thing.
And I'm thinking right? And I'm like, oh fuck, I ain't got any... Like I think I might be aromantic and asexual... Maybe? But rn I ain't got any sexual feelings in me... Like the things that used to excite me just aren't there... And I'm like of fuck... What if.. what if.. what if...
So I say smth stupid...
-unrelated but my dogs snoring so loud rnnn
Anyways so yeah I say something and we move on... But I'm still thinking bout it. Should I tell this girl who I'm in a kinda situation ship with that I might be asexual or aromantic, cuz I used to love her but those feelings faded and now I feel like I'm starting again.
I know basically nothing about her and we dated for like 4-5 months! I know her name, birthday, but I don't know where she lives, what her favourite colour or food is.. she's been to mine plenty of times btw.
Like I overshare every detail of my life and she doesn't, and I can understand that, but to be friends for 2 years, in a relationship for 4 months, and now a situation ship for 8? I should know this shit right?
Now I feel fucking needy cuz I'm like "why dont U tell me this or that" but like, am I wrong for wanting to actually know her? And then *maybe* after I know her properly then possibly start to like her again?
She doesn't know any of this shit btw, to her I'm an asshole. Don't you dare go correcting me on that in the comments or istg.
I love how fast I spiral outta control 😚😚😚
Anyways uhh.. I hope you enjoyed reading my weird, strange, undreadable pain...
Ciao, y Buenos notches
( To all non Spanish speakers -bye, and good night) ;) :) <3
