Yeah idk
I'm tired
I'm getting so mad and frustrated for no reason
Like srsly. Picking a show to watch on Netflix isn't fun anymore. I spent 30 minuets looking for something just to watch something I've watched 12 times before
And I was ignoring someone for no reason - and I really don't care..
Don't care for a lot.. I ain't got nothing to care about
I just don't get the point of life.
Your born and everyone does things for you
You're a toddler and a lot of people are annoyed by you but people still do things for you
Then you're what... A kid? And then you're supposed to start picking up chores and looking after younger siblings but you're still a child and have your dreams and stuff like that
Then tween, you don't know when but everything started piling up and all of a sudden in the next year you'll be in high school
Then teenager. Highschool. Assessments. Figuring out who the hell you are just to reject yourself if you don't like who you are and there's all the weight of chores that never seem to end, the pressure from you parents to get into a different school because the one your at is too expensive and it isn't even a good school. And the assessments are like walking around with bricks on your back and you see all your friends doing soooo well. You say you didn't study because you didn't want to but in actuality you can't study because your brain is wired differently to the point where you can't just pick up a book or look at a website and read because it's like a hammer, just hammering a nail into your head over and over and over and when you get your assessment back you're scared because you don't know how your parents will react to it. And if you get a good mark they'll just say cool or good but mainly focus on other areas where you didn't do so well. Oh I got an A, yeah but remember when you got that 35 or 50% on this other assessment? Yeah. I remember.
Oh and let us not forget people want to start dating around this time- I personally had this kinda bf when I was 10 but that was just me. And you start exploring your sexuality, only to realise most of your family is homophobic so nope, not telling anyone. Except your mum right? Well yeah, and you tell her about this ONE PERSON who you really like and they say 'why do you like her, she's so mean to your sister's or 'oh you remember *insert name here* yeah she was a bitxj' like thanks a lot mum. Ik what she's like but she was there for me when I felt like I couldn't talk to you. Not that that matter anyways now since your relationship with that person has gone to shit.
And adulthood you start to go to collages and uni's and shit like that. Then there's the student debt you have to pay off and if you want kids then there maybe... 100k+ you have to spend on them to get them to 18? Or possibly older? And your parents start to get older and you can't see em as often cuz you're always busy and you feel bad about that but never actually do anything about it. And unless you have no student debt and no kids and shit then you could basically be living pay cheque to pay cheque
When your old you'll think about all the stuff you didn't do when you were younger, all the risks you could've taken, and you wonder why your kids never visit you or why they barely call you, -or in my dad's case he yells at his mum basically every time we go to visit her.
And then you die. You can believe whatever you want, Christianity, Catholicism, Hinduism, Buddhism, ect. But you'll never be alive in this body again and that's scary as fuck.
I personally go back and fourth between Christianity and whatever a non believer is called. I accept Jesus Christ as my lord and saviour and all that but like sometimes it's hard to when you feel like god keeps throwing hurdles at you...
I really just don't know anymore.
I'm tired.. I got a cat and a dog laying W me and I'm sleeping on the couch- still babysitting
Time is 11:43 and ciao
