im so tired rn.. i spent like 30 minuets trying to log into my Microsoft acc so i could login to my Minecraft and i didn't remember the password or email XP (skill face :))
so anyways I'm writing cuz i wanna talk abt my gf..
fuck.. i love her.. but.. i find myself wondering if she actually wants to be around me.. i wonder daily.. cuz when I'm with her i like touching her (not just inappropriately), i like holding her hand and hugging n kissing her.. but she doesn't seem to want to.. always quiet, not talking.. but then after i see her talking to one of the youth leaders she cant be fucked to learn the same of and she's smiling and laughing.
on top of the whole not talking or touching she texts me saying she'll talk later but then she gets busy and falls asleep, which i could understand if it wasn't every. fucking. day.
last night she said she would, then i get a text from her this morning at 10 while I'm cleaning the garage and she just says she's tired.
i ask her if she wants me to back off a bit, give her space but every time its the same answer "please don't, I'm sorry"
sorry means jack fucking shit if nothing changes.
I'm done with hearing the sorry.
i invite her to my house basically every weekend but she always fucking forgets to ask to come over so she never does, literally fucking happened today. i text her saying "dont forget to ask ur dad to come over" she replies with "i wont"
then i ask like 3 hours later "have you asked your dad yet?", "asked what.." she says
like fuck.. I'm.. I'm just tired, I've asked her if she wants to take a break for a few weeks or months and she says no but i feel so fucking hurt
don't get me wrong we have really good moments
but i still feel like shit for wanting her attention more
is that normal.. probably not.. i love talking to her, being with her and being around her, and i make a huge fucking effort to be with her.
I've gotten in trouble with my mum for being with her and hanging around her, i would get in so much shit if we got found out because of what happened with my first girlfriend, at least 5 different occasions I've been in trouble because I'm with her, so i risk my social life to be with her. i wouldn't be allowed to see my best friends because i wouldn't be allowed to go to youth, i would probably get my devices taken off me so no contact with anyone outside of school, yet she cant be fucked to ask a 7 worded question? fuck that.
i know its a shitty, toxic and frankly stupid thing to be mad about but i am. i really fucking am.
moving on
i hate my sister. she's such a fucking bitch.
she broke her remote so now i have to share mine with her, meaning she comes into my room while I'm watching tv and FUCKING TURNS MY TV OFF AND SNATCHES MY GOD DAMN REMOTE and then forgets to bring it back.
given i got mad and.. kinda... accidentally kicked her in the face...
for context she was on the floor grabbing my leg and i tried to get free so i gave my leg a little kick.. now she holds it over my head. that cunt.
pardon my language but really.. she makes me want to fucking kill myself every day.
next time i go to a counselor i will be ranting about my sister for the whole fucking hour, that probably wont be enough tho..
anywho thats my rant for today.. its longer than normal.. sorry.. just needed to rant for a bit.. ill probably go to sleep soon.. in the next 2 or 3 hours.. without my gf because someone, not naming names, dragonfruit, is a fucking. dumbass.
(dragonfruit is the nickname i use for my gf when i dont wanna call her by her actual name for privacy reasons, yk? yk)
anywho..
until the next update.. mon amore.. please know i mean that as a joke and im just tired...
ok so.. NIGHT NIGHT
