exactly what the title says, i want to fucking die so bad.
i relapsed.. again.. and again.. and i feel like shit
cant talk to family.. aint got any friends, actual friends who i can talk to about this shit.. and my girlfriend doesnt have any time for me.. at all..
im tired, im so so so fucking tired. someone askes 'how are you?' my answer is always 'im tired' but its true.. everything always hurts and im always exhausted, i work better on 4-6 hours of sleep but my gf tells me i have to get 8-10, she says i cant sh, i cant die, then what can i do.. its all i want to do anymore.. slit my throat or cut myself
i feel like shes getting bored of me.. she says she loves me but i dont believe it.. i aint worthy of her love.. fuck.. im toxic.. i know i am, i know i drive people away, make them hate me and its all just.. crushing.. ig.. even now ive got a headache, on the verge of fucking crying or screaming because i dont fucking know anymore and wanting to get back into a shower to cut myself
would love to go to my gf.. to talk to her about this shit but shes got her own shit to deal with so im not a priority to her.. at all.. she says i am, she says she wants to talk to me but she doesnt have time to, ever. if i accidentally press the call button when texting her (and 90% of the time it is an accident cuz i know she hates calling) she says something like "dont do that." and its like fuck.. yeah i know u dont like it but it was an accident.. just ignore it..
i really dont know if this is gonna go anywhere.. shes got her life with her friends and her interests and her passions and other shit, and i dunno where i fit into it.. if i ask if she wants a break she says no.. i refered to myself as her ex once, that did not go over well.. at all.. but i was mad as fuck. she was being a bitch first.
ive gotten off topic.. anyways.. this was a long update..
bye bye now and night night
