To Believe Again (Dream Series #2)

Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Let Go
Zanashi

Trigger Warning// Mention of Death

Heavy breathing. Rapid footsteps. Mixture of screams and whispers. Bodies were pulled in the emergency room every now and then. New people in distraught are continuously arriving. New patients are asking for help. Everyone was in chaos.

Amidst all the disarray, I found myself motionless at a certain spot. Standing. Watching. Sa dami ng iyak na namutawi sa emergency room, namumukod tangi sa aking pandinig ang mga pagtangis nina Mama at Papa. But I was just there. Unable to lift my feet. Unable to move my limbs. Unable to find my voice.

Tears from the people who were waiting for their loved ones were falling nonstop. Dead bodies were retrieved from the operating room. Hopes were dying upon seeing the cold bodies covered by fabrics. Cries inflicted with so much pain. Uncontrollable sobs. Hands hanging lifelessly on the stretcher. Everything was so overwhelming.

I can hear my parents begging for the medical staffs to save their daughter. I can see them on their knees, crying with agony, and calling my sister's name over and over again. But I was just there. Still motionless.

I wanted to deny everything. This isn't real. Everything was so.. sudden. I was certain this isn't really happening. My heart was pounding against my chest but my eyes were void of tears. I can't cry. I shouldn't cry. Why should I cry if this isn't real? Why..

My eyes slowly shifted from my parents to another family— their cries are deafening, shoulders are slumped, and hands are shaking while hugging a lifeless body covered by a long white fabric. It was stained by blood. More.. and more blood. Then I realized that everything was in fact real.. and the body behind that white fabric is a girl that was just complaining to me about her lost drawing kits yesterday night.

Too much blood.

Floors and fabrics were smeared by red stains. Too much..

I heard someone asked me to move aside. I tried to walk but I can't move. Someone pulled me outside and the moment her hand touched my right arm, I started to shake. Dinala ako ng isang medical staff sa labas ng emergency room pero walang nagbago. Hanggang ngayon, nakikita ko pa rin ang senaryo sa loob. Naririnig pa rin ang mga pagtangis. Pagtingin ko sa baba ay dugo pa rin ang nakikita ko. Blood everywhere.

She tried to place her arms on my shoulder to calm me down but I was shaking nonstop.. until she left me there. Nanginginig ang mga binti ko hanggang sa tuluyan na itong bumigay. Dumausdos ako pababa. I pulled my hair using my shaking hands. Bakit.. wala akong maramdaman na sakit? Bakit walang luhang tumutulo sa mga mata ko? Bakit.. nangyayari ito?

Eveything was a blur. Hours went by and I didn't move a single muscle. Ang daming umalis, ang daming dumating, pero nanatili akong nakaupo at nakasandal sa dingding. Nakayuko at tulalang nakamasid sa nanginginig kong mga kamay.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, and weeks went by. Hindi ko na mabilang. Wala pa ring luhang dumausdos mula sa mga mata ko. Wala pa ring salitang lumabas mula sa bibig ko. Hindi pa rin tinatanggap ng sistema ko ang mga nangyayari.

Not until I found myself standing in front of a grave. Bagong-bago. Ang amoy ng lupa ay nagwawala pa sa hangin. Footsteps of people who were just here earlier are still visible. Cries of agony were still lingering in the air. Lumuhod ako at marahang hinawakan ang pangalang nakasulat mula rito.

Keziah Rhea G. Carlamente

Dahan-dahan.. hanggang sa tuluyan nang nanginig ang kamay ko. I parted my lips and tried to pull my hair once again. Hindi ito totoo. Buhay pa siya. Walang nawala. Hanggang sa tuluyan nang dumausdos pababa ang luhang ilang linggo nang nagtatago. Ang sunod-sunod at nakakabinging hikbi ay patuloy na tumatakas sa bibig ko. I couldn't see anything because of too much tears.