Trust ~ Jean Kirschtein x Reader/OC

CHAPTER SIX ~ Secrets

It feels weird to be at the front of a group like this. Although this isn't exactly leading something, it's close enough, riding up ahead of everyone else. I lower my head to hide my face within the fabric of my hood, casting a shadow over my already darkened face, trying my best to keep the air that's pushing against me to keep the hood over me. Peering occasionally at the horses next to me, including Jean's, I make sure that I'm not pushing too far forward from the group. The last thing I need right now is to be out of line, to stick out ahead of the formation that remains at least in the front couple of rows.

Once I notice everyone starts merging into a group, following the Commander, I fall back just slightly, sitting midway past Jean's horse on the left. The wind that rushes into the lower half of my face makes my lips go dry and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, it sends a shiver down my spine as my shoulders jump upwards.
I suddenly become very aware of how much I'm dreading going on this exhibition. Everything is happening too fast, and everything is too uncertain. No one knows anything, at all. I know I signed up for this, for the uncertainty of this job for the greater good of civilization. But this was far more than anyone could have imagined or expected, no one has answers anymore. All we can do is just piece together bits and pieces of this huge puzzle with an unclear end result. But how can it be finished when pieces are missing?

As a stronger gust of wind hits me in the face, I notice my hood sliding off my head, and that's when I realise how hard I had been gripping the reins. I take my right hand off to hold onto the hood that covers my face, feeling my nails move out of the grooves they created in my skin. When I have a good grip on the front of my hood, I turn over my other hand and look at the indents from my fingernails in my skin, which are a dark reddish colour. I scoff to myself as I turn it back over, having a much looser grip, and lowering my other hand back down to hold the reins again.

"What're you laughing at?" Jean suddenly asks.
I turn my head slightly without lifting it, "oh, nothing, just myself."
"You know I'm not going to stop asking you what you're laughing about until you tell me, right?" He responds.
I purse my lips, "yeah, I know."
"So," he pushes, "why were you laughing at yourself?"
I can't stop myself from smiling, he really brings me out of my own head even in the worst of times. Somehow, he knows me. He isn't like this to anyone else. He somehow knows that I can't deal with loud people very well, like his usual self with everyone else, so he tones it down when it's just me. I don't get it.
"I was just... holding onto the reins really hard and dented my hands with my nails, that's all," I give up the answer.
He pauses for a moment, "that's not funny, Rosette."
He seems concerned, but also confused.
"It's funny to me," I reply, emphasising the 'to me'.

We slowly fade back into silence, which is blanketed by the many horse-hooves galloping on the dirt ground. I turn my head to look back behind me, finding a multitude of other deadpan, serious Scouts, either muttering to each other, moving in and out of line with each other, or in their own worlds.

"Hey, Jean," someone suddenly says to Jean, riding on the other side of him.
I whip back around to find Jacob, of all people, talking to Jean. It is the weirdest pair ever, and Jacob was voluntarily speaking to him. I must be dreaming. Or hallucinating.

"Uh, hi," Jean replies bluntly. That's how I thought they spoke to each other.
"I don't really want to be talking with you either," Jacob hisses back, "but... I needed to get away from... back there. And I need some advice."
Advice?! From Jean?! What the hell is going on?
"Why would you want to get advice from me?" Jean sounds just as shocked as I am.
I keep my face lowered into my hood, unsure if Jacob even knows I'm here. All I want to know is what is going on.
"Because, I just-" Jacob stutters, "just listen to me, asshole."
"Fine," Jean sighs.
Jacob breathes out slowly, as if he was about to drop some big secret that could ruin his dignity or something. Well if he is, I don't think Jean's the right person to tell.
"So the thing is right.. There is this girl. Well, my best friend, actually." He says, clearly straying from the point of what he wants to say.
"Well, which-" Jean starts, but gets interrupted by Jacob.
"But recently, things have been different... and I feel different around her, and I don't know what to do or how to tell her," as he continues, he starts rambling faster and faster, still missing the point but slowly getting there.
Jean begins again, "So, you-"
"I-I like her, all right."
My eyes widen as I sit up straighter. Who is he talking about?! Is it... Zariya? I mean, they are really, really close friends. It has to be. I could be completely mistaken, but it makes so much sense! And I guess that was a very big secret. One he definitely should not have told Jean about.
I now feel the sudden need to tell this to Zariya, to either get some clarity on the situation or just prepare her, or something.
"Okay?" Jean replies.
Is this even an appropriate thing to be talking about right now? This conversation should probably be held until later, being on an exhibition really isn't a great time to be discussing this sort of topic. But even still, I need to know if Zariya knows.
"Look, I just need your help on how to get closer to her," he starts, trying to brush off his previous comment, "just like you do with Rose-"
Jean violently clears his throat, cutting off Jacob mid sentence.
"Wh-"
"Oh, hey! Rosette!" Jean says through gritted teeth, sarcastically, for a reason I'm not entirely sure of. I didn't completely comprehend what he said earlier, but I just know now that Jacob knows I'm here, and I have been the whole time.
I take off my hood quickly, and put on a smile as if I hadn't heard their entire conversation.
"Yes?" I answer him, pretending to act oblivious to the situation.
I look over to Jacob, who even in the darkened light looks flushed in the face.
"Oh, hi Jacob!" I address him, keeping the act.
"Shit," he mutters, looking at me, then to Jean, who stares directly at him.
"Nevermind, sorry," Jean apologises to me.
There's a massive, obvious, awkward silence between the three of us. I'm not sure if either of them knew I was actually listening to their conversation, hopefully my act paid off. But I can't stand the tense atmosphere surrounding us.
"I'm going to go find others to talk to, if you guys stopped talking because of me," I smile at them, and before they can respond, I move Status to the outer edge of the formation and slow him down, watching them disappear as a rush of other Scouts fly past me.
Eventually, I spot Zariya riding alone, and I merge back into the group and dig my heels into Status' sides to make him run. I come up on Zariya's right, only slowing down when I'm sure I won't fall back out of line with everyone else, either becoming too slow or too fast. Status eventually falls into the pace of the other horses around him, readjusting himself to the comfortable pace the others are going at. I breathe out a small, confused, nervous sigh; I don't think she's noticed me yet, and I'm scared of what her reaction might be to what I'm about to tell her.

"Hey," I say calmly to get her attention.
She jumps and practically yelps, looking at me wide eyed with utter shock on her face. Her yell makes me alert to my surroundings, surprised at her sudden reaction to whatever just happened.
"What? What is it?" I frantically ask her, scanning my eyes up and down over her. Some of her fringe blows into her face, but she doesn't even move it, she just stays stuck, staring at me.
"You!" Is all she yells.
I point at myself, "what'd I do?"
"You, you appeared!" Zariya responds.
"I appeared?" I snort, laughing at the random response.
"Yes! You appeared unannounced and scared the crap out of me!" She announces in a way that sounds like she's yelling at me but in a hushed way. It makes me laugh even more, the surprise on her face, and her thinking that I came out of nowhere.
"Stop laughing at me!" An embarrassed smile stretches onto her face.
I forcefully slow my breathing to calm down, "sorry, sorry," and look down at Status beneath me, taking in the cool evening air. Oh yeah, the thing I need to tell her. It's now or never.
"I have to tell you something," I start nervously, "but you have to promise to never, ever, mention this to anyone else. And don't - uh - get mad..."
She tilts her head in confusion, "why would I get mad?"
"Just promise you won't," I beg.
Her eyebrows start to scrunch, "okay..."
"So, you know Jacob came up to talk to Jean," I begin, mumbling.
"Yeah," she follows.
"Well, he told him something that I feel like I need to tell you."
She scoffs, "I'm surprised they actually spoke, but go on."

"I-I think," I start to doubt if this is actually such a good idea, but continue anyway, "I think he has feelings... for you."
She pauses for a moment, looking at me completely blanky, without any emotion, before bursting into a tear-inducing fit of laughter. She is laughing so loudly, some of the Scouts around us look in our direction, confused.
"What?" I ask, "what's so funny?"
"You think," she says through gasps for air, "you think he likes me?"
My cheeks go warm from embarrassment, "I mean, he said he likes this girl, and it was his best friend."
She starts to calm down, "I can see where you got that idea from, but it's not me he likes," she takes final breath, where she stops cackling, "he likes-"
"Ooh, who does Jacob like?" Someone suddenly butts in.
Gen rides up on the opposite side of Zariya, inquisitively leaning forward on her horse, looking at both Zariya and I.
"No one!" Zariya says very quickly, swinging around from me to her, then back again, and that's when it clicks.
Jacob doesn't like Zariya. Jacob likes Gen. My eyes widen with realisation, gesturing my head to Gen with a nod, asking Zariya if I'm right. She slowly nods her own head, trying to make it as small and not-obvious as possible.
"Oh, right," Gen continues, "well who likes Zariya?"
"First of all," Zariya scoffs, "no one. And second of all, how did you hear that?"
"I wouldn't be so sure about that. And I have great hearing," Gen smirks at her.
I smile with her, clearly not good enough hearing.
"I wouldn't be bragging so much about that hearing of yours when you can't even see 2 metres in front of you!" Zariya mocks as I laugh quietly alongside her.

I notice Zariya as her head snaps up, looking ahead of us in the crowd. I follow her focus to find Jacob and Jean still, amazingly, speaking to one another. How they lasted this long together, I have absolutely no idea, but somehow they continue to surprise me.
"Bye!" Zariya randomly calls to Gen and I, and speeds up ahead of us.
"What-" Gen says, stopping short, and then turning to me in surprise. I look at her with the same expression, my brows raised and eyes widened, and shrug to her.
I look back down to Status as he focuses on running, realising a possibility of why Zariya randomly left. She better not be going to tell them what I said, or I will be in deep shit with both of them.

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