Trust ~ Jean Kirschtein x Reader/OC

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE ~ Heart In My Throat

I can only hear my shallow and uneven breaths as I pant, anxiety filling every part of my body and mind. I look down at Status' dark mane in an attempt to distract myself from the situation at hand, but it's as if even my sight is shaking, not to mention the twitches that rattle through the rest of my body. Snap out of it. My eyes were dry from not blinking for so long, out of fear that if I do even close my eyes for a moment another terrible thing will happen. Snap out of it. I had my hands clasped around the reins so hard that I could practically feel the trickles of blood running down them and around my wrists as I squeezed.

"Advance!" Commander Smith demands once more, "Eren's right there! Advance!"

His voice makes me realise that he's not dead yet, and therefore not everything is lost. If he's still alive, that means he can still be saved, and we can still successfully get Eren back. I swallow the dryness in my throat and look back up to prepare myself for whatever this mission may cost, not realising that we are now significantly closer to all the titans than what I had realised before; I guess that's what happens when you look down in a panic for who-knows-how-long.

Now, I just have to focus on not getting killed, which is much easier said than done. I had risked my life to save others one-too-many times recently it's becoming concerning - or more suicidal. But there is no way I am ever going to live down not saving Simone, so maybe risking my life for others can be seen as suicidal, but I'm not going to stop at any cost, ever.

I quickly notice a four metre titan beginning to close in on me and Status. It stares me down with a stupid expression on its face, yet I realise how human its eyes look. It has the same gleam in its eyes as I've seen in my friends, my mother, my father, and Simone. It's the look of shielded happiness, the joy a person can get from not knowing things that they don't yet know, and maybe never will know. It's a happiness that I lost a very long time ago.

But I know that there is nothing human about this thing. It's a heartless and ruthless killer. There have always been people who kill for the thrill of it, and people whose actions suggest a lack of empathy, but none of them are like this. I feel like I've seen it all now, even though I am just a teenager. No matter how familiar the gleam in its eyes are, the titan can never have feelings. It will just take any chance it can get to rip a human or anything else to shreds and destroy worlds, all the while keeping the joyous gleam; even when they're being killed, their expression never changes. Who knows how titans came about, but these uncanny humanoid creatures will never feel the same way people do.

The small titan lunges at me, extending one of its arms to try and grab me, but I steer Status out of the way quickly, letting him speed up on his own. I quickly attach two new blades to my swords, feeling the satisfying click before bringing them back out again, cautiously looking behind me to the titan. It lies on the floor, now attracted to the other scouts who swerve around it, steering clear of its path.

I breathe a short sigh of relief before turning back around, just to face another titan again. But this time, this one was far closer than the other, leaving me little time to prepare myself, as well as being on all-fours. In fact, I am practically face to face with it as I turn around.

I instinctively lift my blades over my head and use them as protection as Status rides through its legs; I first cut through its eyes, then continue to drag my swords down its face and body, missing only under its chin and neck as I come through the other side of it. The feeling of slicing through its flesh is like nothing else. It is disgustingly satisfying, the sickening feeling of the sharpness of my swords cleanly breaking through and easily drawing blood. It's scary to think it's that easy.

The titans blood rains down on me, turning my hair from blonde to red within a second, coating my face, shoulders, back, and even Status in the warm gleaming liquid. I rub my eyes with the back of one of my hands, trying to get the blood off my eyelids and face so I can see. I know that that won't be enough to kill the titan, but at least I've done enough damage to it to prevent it from killing anyone for now.