Trust ~ Jean Kirschtein x Reader/OC

CHAPTER TWELVE ~ Anhedonia

If it's what I have to do, it's what I will do. I will kill them if it comes to it as part of an order and for my family. It feels strange, that suddenly now all I feel is frustration and anger, as if it were the only feeling I could possibly feel in this moment, and nothing else.

I look up and find Zariya crouched on the floor, with Armin standing just in front of her, oh even better. I don't make a sound or move to make sure that they don't realise I am here, if they don't know I'm here already.

"You three are with me. Team one, come with me! We are going after the Armoured titan!" Hange orders. At first, I don't realise that you three includes me, one of the only three people around her. But when I do, I quietly sigh to myself with my head down, looking up through my brows to Zariya, who turns around shocked that I am here.

"Rose-" she begins, before Armin interjects. The first part of my name Rose echoes through my mind and makes my heart skip a beat. It feels unnatural for anyone else to call me that.

"Come on! We are losing them!" Armin yells, dragging Zariya by her wrist off the wall.

I run after them and jump off the wall, shooting my ODM gear into the wall. I fall for a short moment before the wires reel me in, my feet eventually colliding to the stone of the wall, skidding slightly as I press my back and the tips of my fingers into the wall. I watch Eren stand his ground opposite from Reiner, their huge titan forms preparing to fight each other. I swallow the increasing lump in my throat as I watch someone who was once my friend turn into my enemy just within a few words.

"Eren! You can't!" Armin yells, "going hand-to-hand with him won't do any good!"

I keep staring at them, knowing that Reiner is much quicker and faster than Eren is, so there is really no point in him advancing. Maybe I could advance, distract Reiner for Eren maybe, or even make it easier for Eren to defeat him.

"Hey, are you okay?" Zariya's voice suddenly comes from my left.

I snap my head up to her, almost angered by her questions; how on earth would I be okay when she knows as well as I do the consequences of Reiner and Bertholdt's actions? Or, at least, she knows what happened to me because of what they did; she lied to my face about her parents being dead.

"No, of course I'm not okay Zariya," I say bluntly, almost surprised by my own anger.

I continue in a soft whisper, "what a stupid question to ask."

I don't mean to be so rude, but the words sort of just pour out of me. She would have at least had some idea of what I might be going through because of everything that has happened.

"Come this way, to the wall!" Armin screams to Eren again, "you can't fight him, Eren!"

"Eren!" Mikasa's voice suddenly comes from the field as she reveals herself from behind a tree.

I tap the wall behind me with a closed fist, desperately wanting to be out there. The feeling of revenge was something that I've never felt up until this moment. All it's really been is retribution; but maybe even that is too strong of a word. I guess I never knew who caused the mass destruction, and now that I do, it has hit me harder than anything.

"Did he forget about us?" Hange asks no one in particular. I continue to watch both of the titans closely, trying to see a way that Eren can best defeat him. There is no way that he could punch Reiner down, his face was practically rock solid and it would only hurt Eren, same with the rest of his body.

Reiner suddenly swings at Eren, but he dodges under his hand and uses his low position to his advantage, grabbing Reiner and taking him to the ground. I lurch forward in shock, relying completely on my ODM gear to keep me stable, that was the exact same tactic that Annie used. It makes my whole body tremble as I remember what Annie taught me, including how to perform that technique. Then she went and used it on Eren during the fight in Stohess - I guess he learned how to use it too.

"Hey! He threw the Armoured titan!" Zariya yells excitedly.

"I remember... that was the technique that Annie used!" Armin analyses, making my heart thump against my ribcage.

I snap out of my thoughts just as Eren rips Reiner's forearm clean off, causing a chill to run through my whole body, but my face stays indifferent. Armin immediately disengages his ODM gear and plummets to the ground; my feet slide against the wall, wanting to go after him, but something in my core makes me stay put.

"Armin!" Zariya yells, but is stopped by Hange grabbing her hand. I snap my head in their direction, watching as Zariya's face scrunches in pain, for a reason I'm not too sure of. I look at her hand that Hange has hold of, noticing that the pre-existing cut on it had worsened with blisters and burns covering it. A feeling of slight guilt creeps into the pit of my stomach because of how I scolded her for asking a simple and concerned question, and how I didn't ask her back. I look back to the titans, along with Mikasa with Armin now by her side. Eren begins to run back towards us on the wall, and I realise that Eren also knows that he could never beat Reiner head on in a fight. A small flame of determination resettles in me as a small smile creeps on my face.

"That's it Eren!" Mikasa yells at him.

"You're making the right decision!" I suddenly scream to him, cupping my mouth with my hands to try and project my voice.

Mikasa and Armin come up next to Zariya, Hange, and I on the wall, out of breath.

"He's coming back to his senses," Mikasa mutters.

"Yeah... but like you said, it's not an easy task running from Reiner," Armin reasons with both the positive and negative sides of this situation.

Hange drops down to Eren's shoulder, looking miniature on him. I didn't even know it was possible for someone to stand on a titan like that.

"You got that Eren? For you to get away, you'll have to immobilise Reiner and buy some time!" Hange explains to him, "can you destroy the armoured titan's legs using one of those holds? Our blades won't work on him, but use your head and think of whatever works best!"

Eren nods, making me gasp aloud. If Eren could hear us, that means so could Reiner and Bertholdt. They could hear everything I was screaming at them about, everything. I'm not sure if I should be anxious about that, considering what I yelled at them, or happy about it. I guess I'm more content with it, feeling satisfied that they heard at least some of what I had to say, letting a miniature amount of the pressure release from my shoulders.

"Armin don't be silly, they are no use to my holders anyway! You're better off having them and not needing them then the other way around!" Zariya laughs slightly, causing me to come out of my thoughts. I look to her, finding her holding a bunch of blade replacements in her hands. I have no idea what is happening, but I can only assume that those blades are Zariya's and she's giving them to Armin, considering the lack of blades in Armin's own holders.

"Are you sure?" Armin mutters.

Zariya shoves the blades into Armin's arms cautiously, "yes Armin, I'm sure. I still have another four that I haven't used, they are more than enough."

Armin looks at her for a moment, before whispering a small, "thank you."

"You're welcome," Zariya smiles and looks back to the titans.

I watch as Armin continues to watch Zariya contently, seemingly amazed by her kindness. He fumbles with the blades and puts them into his empty holder, still smiling to himself a little, with a small spark in his eyes.

I abruptly turn away back to the titans as Eren is thrown by Reiner. Shit, not good. They were very close to the wall and us, but we all stick our ground, watching every movement closely.

"His legs!" Zariya suddenly screams beside me, "get his legs Eren!"

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