Trust ~ Jean Kirschtein x Reader/OC

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR ~ Hollow

Captain Levi swings open the door of the first room to the left as we step out of the dining area. Inside already sit Sasha, Connie, Historia, and Monique, all with a worried look on their faces, just as we do.

"What's going on, Captain Levi?" Eren asks, finally breaking the silence we walked into here with.

"Sit down," He responds before walking around the desk that sits in the far left corner of the room.

I notice a couch sitting a fair way apart from the desk, already mostly filled by Monique, Sasha and Connie who already sit there. The others proceed to fill the remaining spots on the couch, but I willingly take two large side-steps and slide behind the couch, Mikasa following my movements. Armin ends up standing as well, leaving Jean and Eren to fight over the little remaining space on the couch - which is large enough for them both but neither of them will realise that.

When the two of them finally settle down, we all look towards Captain Levi for an answer to why we are all gathered here. Not only am I incredibly scared of what he may say to us, I am also confused about why Gen, Jacob, and Zariya aren't here. They are very much alive and part of the Scout Regiment, so why aren't they here with us as well?

"As you would know," Captain Levi begins, "the squad that was under my name no longer exists after the first interaction with the female titan."

His eyes flicker to me for a moment as I swallow a rising lump in my throat, being suddenly reminded of Petra and all she did for me that I will never be able to repay.

"This means that new recruits are needed to be added to my squad. This is why you all are here," he continues sternly.

A silence is shared across the room, all of us not even knowing what to think let alone what to say. There is no way that we, as new scouts, have already been recruited to Captain Levi's squad. But I guess that this is what our lives have come to know. We have to be recruited because there are barely any other scouts left; they're disappearing left and right, which means that we are up next in line for executions.

The silence continues on for a while longer, leaving the eerie space to only be filled with the sounds of the dripping candle wax to surround us. I move my head to look down to the floor, knowing that if we didn't die before, we certainly were going to now, considering we will be obligated to be part of life or death situations. This is the path we all chose, but did any of us really know that the end is hurtling towards us at a terribly alarming rate? Did any of us even once for a second realise that we would be in this situation so soon?

There is no going back now, though. Even if I could go back, I know deep down that I would stay here. Even if I am the only one still standing loyal, I would remain here, facing my death head on - because now I've realised I've always yearned for death. No matter how terrifying the situations are that we face, I've never been really scared of the factor of death. I've only been scared of the pain, mostly of what it has done in the past to those I really care about, particularly those who faced death too early. Although, I don't think I could bear the thought of me dying. It's not for any selfish reason, it's solely because I would never be able to forgive myself if I left those who have grown fond of me to be heartbroken. I don't want anyone else to suffer the same way I did, and the same way I still do. I suppose it is still selfish, in the end.

"We will be leaving for an isolated location at first light tomorrow morning," Captain Levi gives us our first order as part of his squad, which is oddly ambiguous.

"Why?" Eren asks the question we are all wondering.

"You need to train yourself," he responds sternly, "both in your human form as well as your titan abilities. Especially your titan abilities."

Jean scoffs, "why do we need to be involved with Eren's incompetence?"

"As far as I'm concerned, Kirschstein," Captain Levi bites back, "Eren may very well be the key humanity needs. One which we cannot risk throwing away. And he cannot do it alone."

Jean folds his arms and sinks back into the couch. If just our squad has to go to some secret location, there will be no end to Jean and Eren's bickering, regardless of the reason we're going.

"You are all dismissed," Captain Levi concludes.

We all rush out of the room quietly, except for Mikasa, who remains quite calm, as if she knew all along that this would happen. I could see it in everyone's eyes, the impatience to discuss this situation with one another, and the fear and anticipation of what it means to be part of Captain Levi's squad. It feels as though this news has hit me way harder than it should have, and it's all because it feels like I've stepped straight into Petra's shoes. I don't know if it's only me who feels this way, or Captain Levi sees it as well, considering he knew about me a few years before I even joined the cadets. I lift my hand to my chest and scrunch it into a fist, grabbing my shirt with it anxiously, re-feeling the absence of Petra in my life. The hole in me from my family being dead I had already been feeling and gotten used to by now, but Petra's death was still fresh and torturing. After my parents died, she became the missing parental figure, even though she was only very young at the time - but now I have no one, and I have just become the same rank as her.

I look up to the others as we walk through the stale hallways, presumably navigating back to the dining area. Scanning my eyes across the back of their heads, I realise that Armin is no longer with us, and he must have left some time ago since I can't see him anywhere.

"I never thought this would happen so soon," Historia mutters quietly.

"I didn't think it would happen at all," I respond in the same tone, a slight rasp in my voice.

I begin to bite my thumbnail while looking up to Eren who leads the group. Not only does he now carry the role of being in Captain Levi's squad, but he also practically carries all the lives of humanity on his shoulders. If we are in the same squad as him, what role will we be playing alongside Eren?

"Maybe," Sasha gasps, "we'll get treated to better food!"

Historia, Monique and I laugh quietly while Jean groans beside me.

"You have to stop thinking about food all the time," he rolls his eyes.

"Sorry to crush your dreams, Sasha," Monique begins, "but I highly doubt that anything will change. I mean, think about it, we've practically already been to several exhibitions with the older scouts, doing the same thing that they were. If anything, we may just become more recognised in the general public."

"Which is not good," Eren mutters ahead of the group, not turning around. "A lot of people already have it out for us - all of them wanting to see me dead."

The memories of arriving back into the walls after the first encounter with Annie as the Female Titan; how each civilian that surrounded the streets had something poor to say about us, and how one of them even went as far to grab my arm. I shudder at the recollection, knowing Eren is right, and if we were to show our face anywhere we would be met with the same consequences.

We file through into the dining hall and move towards the table we once sat at - or at least most of us do. Eren and Mikasa still stand up, waiting patiently to tell us something.

"We're going to go find Armin," Eren says, gesturing to the door on the other side of the room.

I give a small wave goodbye as they leave, then look back towards the others. Food and cutlery begins to be handed out to those sitting down at the table by some of the other scouts - it's the usual vegetable and meat stew, or something along those lines. To be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of it, meat especially. But through the years I've been fed this, I've become numb to its taste and texture.

Maybe it's because I never really had meat as a child, it was too much of a luxury for my parents to purchase. And to steal it would mean a lifetime of punishment, particularly for a poor family like mine. So trying it for the first time felt like I was eating pure guilt, so sharp and concentrated, it was hard to swallow.

I take a small spoonful up to my lips and blow away the remaining heat, before taking in the all familiar taste. It must have been the easiest, quickest, and least expensive meal to make; but even still, I can feel the guilt bubbling inside of me that familiarly makes me lose my appetite.

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