Trust ~ Jean Kirschtein x Reader/OC

CHAPTER THREE ~ Argumentatively Caring

I spin in circles in the middle of this whirlpool, trying to listen for any sense of direction I can, feeling more anxious in this crowd than ever. I suddenly catch a glimpse of Zariya and Gen, who cling to each other, before making their way back to Jacob.
"Gen! Zariya!" I call them, but I'm completely drowned out by everyone else.
I take a quick deep breath before diving back through the crowd to even somewhat get closer to them.
"All of you need to calm down!" Zariya screams, demanding the attention on to her instead of Jacob.

As I keep pushing forward, I meet the eyes of some of these scouts. Not a single one of them has empathy, not caring about anything but what they think is right. I didn't know that this was a part of the regiment.
I pause for another moment, looking in the distance to Jacob hanging off the pole, visibly scared but trying to hide it. As I do, I catch a short conversation between two scouts next to me.
"These stupid kids. They think they can do anything now that they are here."
"I can't wait until they are served a slice of real life. They've got no idea of anything."
"Yes. Maybe they should be sent out on more life threatening exhibitions or something, without being under any commander's wing."
Their conversation is stopped short, as they notice my hard stare straight at the two of them, right out of the corner of my eye. I half expect one of them to have a go at me, standing up for us 'kids' without saying a word, but they just stand awkwardly in silence. I made them stand awkwardly in silence.

A sudden sound of a punch echoes through the crowd, followed by a man grunting, "you fucking bitch."
"Oh... oh no," I mumble, diverting into a different route than going straight forward to find a better way to the three who fight for their lives. Where the hell did Adam go?
I manage to get a glimpse between the shoulders of the crowd of a man slumped back into more people who hold him upright, holding a hand to his nose that drips blood continuously. In front of him stands Zariya, bracing a bruised and bloody fist by her side. Oh, great, I knew it. She punched him. I'm not really that surprised.

A loud explosion booms overhead, and I clap my hands to my ears and look to where it came from. A black streak of smoke flies through the air.
"A flare?!" I whisper to myself, taking my hands away from my head.
All the racket immediately calms down, not a single whisper goes through the crowd.
"I am beyond disgusted with the behaviour I have just witnessed," Erwin's familiar voice booms, oh thank goodness.
"It brings me great remorse that I had to send off a signal use to alert comrades of the most threatening type of danger to get your attention. We are the scouts, the regiment with the bravest and most talented soldiers, but here all I see is a group of weak frightened individuals that have turned on themselves, for what reason? I'm not entirely sure," I can't see his face, but I can almost feel his anger from deep in the crowd, both feeling safe and scared, suppressing the memories of that night when I was being accused of being the female titan.
"As your commander I never would have expected such disappointing behaviour from such highly regarded people. Adam had to pull me from a very important meeting to try to control you all. I have enough on my plate as it is and don't need to deal with such immature disrespectful behaviour. Although the way he went about it was uncalled for, Jacob," he pauses, I guess he's gesturing to Jacob holding onto the pole, "tried to do the responsible thing by containing this outbreak. But after your reaction to an order given by someone other than myself, well I'm not even sure most of you know what it means to be a true scout. Given what I have just said, I command all of you to listen respectfully and patiently as Adam Berner finishes explainings the pressing situation at hand," He finally finishes.

I take in a deep, relieved breath, feeling the sound of my own heartbeat fade from my ears. I expect everyone to move, create space, maybe let Jacob down from the pole, but nobody does anything. They all just begin muttering nervously to each other again, still packed tightly together.
A quick snap of confidence rages through my body as I shout, "well? You heard him!"
Every scout immediately starts to spread out again, creating room for Gen, Jacob and Zariya. It's like the swarming, overcrowded feeling immediately drops from my shoulders, and I slowly loosen my tense muscles and stand straighter from my hunched position, my chest relaxing and letting me breathe calmly again.
Zariya, Jacob and Gen fuss over each other in the distance, for some reason they seem frustrated at each other; which is quite odd for them. It seems that Jacob is angry at Gen and Zariya, or maybe it's the opposite? Who knows, it doesn't concern you, Rosette.
I keep my feet stuck to the ground and lower my eyes to my feet, wanting a few seconds to myself, not having to be close to people. It is as if all my energy has just been completely drained out of my body, I no longer want to have any interaction with anyone, at least for a few minutes. The dull aches of my trampled feet along with my pre-existing injuries ring through my body, rising and falling every few seconds. I huff in slight disbelief at it all, shaking my head slightly and kicking a loose stone along the ground, then moving my hands to rest on my hips.
"Hey! Are you alright?" A concerned voice suddenly yells next to me.
My eyes fly back up as I turn around, shocked. Jean stands behind me with concerned eyes, which I immediately catch. He's become a lot more caring lately. As much as I want to be grateful for his worry, he ruined the moment I had to myself to regain my energy.
"Oh, yeah! I'm fine," I smile at him, trying to hide my slight frustration.
"You're not hurt are you? I heard someone hit something," He asks, still quite concerned, while his eyes scan me up and down. His arms squeeze his sides, slightly outstretched, as if he was going to need to catch me for some reason.
"Yes, yes I'm okay," I laugh a little, "Zariya did punch some guy though. And I was stepped on a few times, but everything else is fine."
I make sure to keep out the part I was accidentally hit in the face, interlocking my fingers together and diverting my eye contact for a second. If I told him, I'm afraid he might get angry or something - even when it was just a mistake, but I guess that's just who he is.
Two things suddenly dawn on me that I haven't previously thought of. He and Marco were incredibly close, maybe he has suddenly become so caring because he's scared to lose someone else? Or maybe he thought other's perceptions of him were all the same - that he's an egotistical asshole. It could be a mixture of both things, or something completely different.
"Are you sure you are? It was a wreck- wait, Zariya what?!" he exclaims, meeting my eyes again.
I reach forward and grab both of his hands with mine, giving him a reassuring squeeze, "I'm okay, Jean. Stop freaking out. And yes, Zariya punched someone, but she's okay too... I think."
I rub my thumbs on the back of his hands as I watch his eyes relax; warm, inviting, safe. I hold a calming smile on my face while his stays indifferent, sort of shocked, and scared?
He suddenly snaps back to his usual, tempered, attitude, and yanks his hands out from mine, "I'm not freaking out."
My hands retreat back to my chest and I clasp them together, sort of hurt at how he reacted to it, but trying not to think much about it since he is usually like this.
"Alright, sorry," I apologise with a small smile.

There's a short silence where Jean's eyes dart in all directions, as if trying to block me out of his view completely, and I awkwardly look to the ground at my feet. I'm still not really sure what's going on, I still need to meet Armin and get him to really tell me what's going on, but for now, I can just wander around. Or maybe Jean knows a bit more.

"You look... sort of dead," Jean randomly observes.
I look at him blankly, dumbfounded that he just broke the silence with that. I don't even know what to respond with as I open and close my mouth, expecting words to just fall out of my mouth in response to his unnecessary comment. I know he is not wrong, I hadn't slept at all for a while, and I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning; but I wasn't tired nor hungry, I was just fine. Why he felt the need to point out how I look, I don't know.
"Uh..." is the only sound that comes out of my mouth. My deadpan expression makes his eyes widen, finally realising that he should probably take it back or explain himself.
"I mean, that's why I was checking if you were alright," he clarifies, scratching the back of his head nervously.
"Right, thanks," I respond with a stunned laugh.
"When was the last time you slept?" he asks curiously.
Why is he suddenly so aware of these things?
"Uhm, I think it was before yesterday's exhibition. I could've fallen asleep on the way to get checked out or something though and I just don't remember," I search my head for a point in time that I could have fallen asleep and just not known because I was too absorbed in my own thoughts.
"You didn't fall asleep on the way to recovery," he responds bluntly.
"Wha- how do you know?" I protest, slightly raising my eyebrows.
"Nevermind. When was the last time you ate?" his voice starts to get more angry and intimidating.
"Why do you care so much? You don't usually ask other people questions like this," I try to refrain from putting too much of his tone in my words.
"You don't know that."
"I do, Jean."
"Answer my question from before, Rosette," my heart sinks when he uses my name, making me feel slightly guilty for both the tone I'm using and not having eaten for some reason. His eyes burn with a fire that won't be easily put out, and even as he looms intensely over me, I stand my ground, staring up at him without blinking.

"Alright, alright, stop it, both of you," Someone suddenly comes up behind me and puts their hand on my shoulder.
I turn my head slightly and look out of the corner of my eye, finding Monique smiling at me, almost oblivious to everything in the moment.
"You guys are like chalk and cheese, my gosh," she huffs and rolls her eyes.
"Thanks for the observation," Jean says, slightly annoyed.
"Shut it, Jean, quit with the attitude," Monique says as if she were her mother.
The corner of his mouth twitches slightly, but he keeps his mouth shut.
Monique's face goes a little more sombre, "so, this exhibition thing is going to be... interesting."
"I still don't know much about it really, but yeah," I sigh, "oh and I feel like I'm questioning everything now. Especially with that."
I point to the wall covered with a blanket of some sort, hiding the titan behind it.
"Oh, yeah," Monique scoffs nervously.
"What's it even there for?" I ask, confused on why it needs to be blocked off. Is it just because people don't want to see it or think about it?
"Apparently it can't touch the sun or something, according to this Pastor Nick guy," she responds lightly.
I've never heard of him in my life, "who's that?" And why are we taking his word so seriously?
"A Pastor," Monique says as if it wasn't already obvious.
"Figured."

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