𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧

58 - the revelation

Standing just beyond Khaenri'ah's boundary, Y/n's heart sank. Ei's hurried dash towards the entrance was a silent confirmation of the inevitable. Makoto was gone.

It's happened.

The thought hit her like a physical blow. She had known, always known, that Makoto's time was limited. From their very first meeting, 2000 years back, the shadow of this moment had loomed over them. Y/n had braced for it, every day, every hour.

I knew this was coming.

After witnessing the tragedy of Guizhong, Y/n had built walls around her heart. She kept everyone at a distance, especially those like Makoto, whose fates were sealed. Her hyperthymesia made it worse - every memory, every moment of loss, was as vivid and painful as if it were happening again.

This is my fault.

Guilt gnawed at her. She hadn't saved Makoto. She could have warned Ei earlier, changed the course of events. But deep down, Y/n knew the truth - meddling with the fates of those bound by constellations was a futile endeavor. Her attempts to alter destiny had always been in vain.

Why didn't I try harder?

Her thoughts spiraled, threatening to pull her under. She struggled to maintain her composure.

Focus, Y/n. You have a mission.

Albedo and Rubedo, her family, were still out there. She needed to find them, to protect them. Clinging to that thought, Y/n forced herself to take a step forward, away from the ruins of Khaenri'ah and the ghosts of what could have been.

Keep moving. You can't stop now.

As Y/n stumbled upon the shimmering pool of Amrita, the presence of Rukkhadevata nearby was a silent herald of another loss - Egeria's demise. The realization struck her, yet her response felt strangely muted, as if her capacity to feel was being eroded by the relentless tide of grief.

Keep moving. Find Albedo and Rubedo.

Her feet carried her forward, almost mechanically, through the labyrinthine paths of an unknown landscape. Her mind, typically a whirlwind of thoughts and calculations, was eerily quiet, as if shrouded in a dense fog. It was a disconcerting sensation, a numbness that crept over her cognition, dulling the edges of her reality.

I should feel more. Why can't I feel more?

Y/n's journey felt aimless, her steps devoid of their usual purpose. There was a disconnect, a growing chasm between her physical movements and her mental state. It was as if she were watching herself from a distance, unable to fully grasp the magnitude of the losses that surrounded her.

Am I broken? What's happening to me?

Abruptly, Y/n stopped. A wave of something - was it sorrow? - washed over her. Her knees buckled, and she found herself on the ground, the damp earth cool against her skin. Tears began to flow, unbidden and uncontrollable, yet they felt hollow, as if they were more a reflex than a genuine expression of pain.

This isn't right. I should be feeling more. I should be...

Her sobs echoed in the empty space around her, a stark reminder of her isolation. In this moment, Y/n grappled with an unfamiliar sense of detachment, a failing in her emotions that she couldn't understand. She cried, not just for the loss of Egeria, not just for the quest that lay ahead, but for the unsettling realization that something fundamental within her was faltering, fracturing under the weight of too many farewells.

What am I? Why can't I remember? Why can't I feel like I used to?

The echo of her own sobs filled the air, each one a haunting reminder of Y/n's fragmented state. Lost in her turmoil, she barely registered the sound of footsteps approaching until a familiar voice pierced through her haze of despair.