holding back from you

"he used his index finger to wipe the tears"

After we landed in LA I dragged Connor through the check in point and straight out of the terminal, attempting to move as quickly and far away from Tristan as possible. As soon as we began to leave the terminal I saw the sight I didn't even take into consideration, about thirty teenage girls stood waiting with 'The Vamps' t-shirts and banners... fuck.

I approached the girls smiling, "hey, look we're running really late for urm something but we'll take a photo with you all as a group?" I said taking a position alongside Connor in the group of girls. A few of the girls started grabbing at the neck of my jacket causing my head to snap to the left. I could see Tris and James coming out the terminal, with this I announced my departure and pulled Connor out of the airport and into one of the two black cars outside.

"Brad, what the fuck? He literally thinks you hate him and you're acting like it, you need to breath" Con said as the car began its route towards our hotel. I sighed before smashing my face into Connor's arm, "what am I supposed to do?" I asked, "how can I just talk to Tristan and say oh I thought we were best friends but then I realised that we're not because I think, well not think it's more know actually, that I love you? Do you realise how stupid that sounds? He'll laugh at me then avoid me and hate me" I mumbled, hot tears forming little pools in my eyes.

Con wrapped his arm around my body that was hidden into his. "Brad, he's not going to hate you or avoid you, he'll act exactly how me and James did" he said reassuringly, but I pulled away from the younger boy "no he won't!" I snapped "with you two it was just telling you I like someone else, I have to tell him that he's the one I love, fuck I don't even know anymore" I half mumbled half shouted. Connor's eyes stayed fixed on me, "Brad, no matter what it can't be worse than this, how you feel and are right now, the paranoia and fear, wouldn't you rather get it over with? You're gonna fuck up any chance with even being friends with Tris if you keep acting like this with him mate" He said, though the words themselves were harsh his voice stayed soft and calming as he used his index finger to wipe the tears that were trailing the length of my cheek.

The cars came to a stop as we entered the hotel, myself and Connor got out the car and headed straight to the front desk to see which rooms we were in. I was sharing with James whilst Con was with Tristan.

I entered the large hotel room alone, two double beds were placed at either side of the room and the colour scheme of black and white decorated everything from the curtains and bed sheets to the appliances in the en suite. As I laid back on the bed I had claimed as mine I pulled my phone out to type a message "can you meet me in the bar at like 6? (sorry for acting odd earlier - I'll explain then, lots been going on xx" I typed, clicking send on the number at the top of my contacts list "Tristan Evans".

Within a matter of seconds his reply flashed across my screen "I'm just pulling up at the hotel, meet me now? I'm worried about you 😔 I thought you hated me or something 😂 you know I'm always here right?"...

Now? Wait no, I can't because I need to actually pluck up the courage and plan what I'm going to say, I feel sick oh shit, fuck. help?

"Yeah sure, I'll be down in five - order me a coke please? I'll pay you back 😂"

Why the fuck did I say that? I swear i just realised I am nowhere near ready!? Am I stupid?

I stood facing the mirror and recited different ways to tell him before the door opened and James walked in "Tris is waiting in the bar for you Brad, good luck" he said as he ruffled my hair and forced my small body out the door, slamming it behind me.

I walked into the bar and saw Tristan sat at a small table just off the centre of the large brown oak room, it was kind of styled in a vintage format which was nice. I took the seat opposite Tris as he beamed at me, "hey!" He said, pulling me into a hug across the table, "is everything good? Your text scared me?" He quizzed, woah he is so oblivious.

"Well um sorta, I don't know really" I mumbled, not being able to look at Tristan. "Wassup? I'm your best friend Brad, you know you can tell me anything and I'll support you" he lifted my chin up to look in his eyes, they sparkled in this light, the concern in his face was obvious though. I hate doing this to him, I took a breath and tapped him lightly on the leg causing a small laugh to escape from his lips, I brought my hands together under the table and fiddled anxiously with my fingers, I felt my heart pounding faster than I ever imagined it to in my chest... Breath Bradley you can do this.

"Tristan..."