holding back from you

'I just need to think'

"I don't want to talk to you Tristan!" I screamed as I stormed out of the hotel room, why is he talking to me? He ignores me for days then comes to apologise, just no.

I walked into the night as I heard Tristan's voice calling out my name from behind me, it's taking everything I have not to turn around. I decided to divert into a small ally to try distance myself further from Tristan, I just need to think.

As I traveled further into the ally the light seemed to fade from around me until I could only just see my own feet, "you lost pretty boy?" A harsh voice jeered at me, I felt my heart plummet in my chest, "didn't your mummy ever tell you it's dangerous around here" the voice continued to circle around me in the darkness, I pulled my arms tight to my body and squeezed my eyes tight shut. I felt hot breath on my neck suddenly "should have been more careful I guess" the voice whispered into my ear before I felt a sharp pain pierce my side, I heard footsteps running off into the distance as I fell to my knees in agony.

I clutched my hand tight against the spot where the pain was originating from as I curled into a ball on the ground hoping somehow that this would help the pain subside enough to let me get back to the hotel. "Brad?!" I heard a familiar voice call but not in the same way they usually said my name, panic so heavy in their voice. "Tristan..." I mumbled weakly as I saw the light from Tristan's phone shine on me.

"Brad, shit what the fuck happened" he yelled as he ran towards my coiled body that laid on the floor, he lifted my body close to his and pressed his left hand tightly against the pain spot, as I looked at his shirt I saw blood beginning to stain it, wait am I bleeding? "Excuse me, my friend he's um been attacked in an ally please help, he's bleeding please?" Tristan breathed in a frenzy down the phone to what I assume was the ambulance.

"I'm so sorry for how I've been acting" Tristan whispered as his voice cracked and tears started to trickle down his perfectly formed cheek bones, "I know this isn't justifying my actions and I'm not trying too but here's the thing, a while ago when we shot the Somebody To You video and we was sharing a room?" He asked and I nodded as much as my aching body allowed me too, "we talked about everything that night, everything's except the fact that since then I didn't want you to be Brad my best friend, I wanted more, I wanted to be the person who could protect you from everything you had ever been scared off and the person who would be your first relationship like you said you hadn't had... but I thought you wouldn't want that so I started dating Ana" he whispered too me, his eyes tightly sealed together the way I had mine when I told him my secret, my heart was doing summersaults hearing these words leave his lips, "but when you told me how you felt I panicked, I didn't know if you'd found out about how I felt and wanted to have a joke about it, I then ruled it out because I never told anybody... then I thought about what to do with my relationship with Ana, I thought I loved her but when I heard you say that I knew I'd just convinced myself I liked her to avoid how I felt about you... Last thing was what to do, I couldn't say it back, what about management or anything... I guess I reacted stupidly and I doubt you want anything to do with me anymore but I am so sorry" he muttered, as if he wasn't sure that he wanted even me to be listening.

"are you and Ana..." I croaked before Tris interrupted me "over" he sighed, I lifted my hand as far as I could and placed it on his cheek, I pulled his jaw down to my level and pushed my lips against his. His lips felt soft and warm against my own, somehow they just seemed to fit perfectly together, I heard the sound of sirens growing closer as Tristan pulled his lips away from mine, "we'll talk about this later okay?" He asked as he linked his hand with mine, causing a smile to lick at my lips.

As the sound of fast paced footsteps began to grow closer, I felt my eye lids grow heavy and breathing started to grow harsher, "Brad, Brad, Stay with me Brad, Brad please...." Tristan's voice screamed in a panic, but it started to get softer until it was gone all together, until I could no longer feel his body pressed close against mine, until I could no longer feel his hand clenched onto mine and all that surrounded me was the darkness.