holding back from you

"you sure you want to do this?" Tristan whispered from beside me, I nodded gently as James loaded up the webcam on his laptop. The four of us sat across mine and Tristan's bed with us in the centre, James on Tristan's right and Connor on my left. James lightly tapped on the record button as I inhaled a deep breath "Hey guys it's us" Tristan said calmly "this video is slightly different to anything we've ever done before but actually it's kinda special" he said with a smile, I felt his gaze fall onto me as he fell silent.

"for a long time I've... We've not been entirely honest with you guys. One thing I can honestly say I never have or will be is a liar and I'm proud of that, for so long I've been scared and I've hated what I am but recently a certain person taught me how to love my imperfections." I felt my body shaking with a mixture of fear and adrenalin that was coursing through my veins "I used to um, self harm on a daily basis because no matter how much I loved the opportunities I was given and what I was doing what you hear is true, that all the money or fame on the planet can't buy you happiness. I also used to purge on dieting pills  because I thought it was how I was externally that was making me unhappy, fuck I was wrong... the thing that made me unhappy was being in love with someone who I convinced myself didn't even like me as a person anymore let alone in that way... turns out I was wrong and actually we'd both been bloody stupid twats and didn't even notice we both felt the exact same." I paused momentarily to look at the faces of my three band mates who were staring intensely at me, "being gay is something that I've never been ashamed of but more scared of, scared that you guys would hate me and scared at how people would treat me differently... I learnt that if people can't accept you for who you are then they aren't worth a second of your time, even if it's your own mother it just shows that actually they're the worthless piece of shit doesn't it? I'm proud of who I am and I refuse to let fear dictate my life anymore because hey I'm still Brad Simpson from The Vamps whether I'm gay or not" I went to continue but Tristan's voice cut me off "if anybody has an opinion that isn't positive on this whole situation then quite frankly they can fuck off because Brad is the bravest person I have ever met and I am so fucking proud to call him my..." he paused as he smiled at me "boyfriend" he said softly before blushing a deep red and returning his gaze to the camera "bet you didn't expect that this morning did you?" Con teased sarcastically before James clicked the mouse of his laptop and finished the recording. "sure you want to post this?" Tristan said quietly, I responded with a laugh before pulling him up from the bed and taking both his hands inside my own "Tristan Oliver Vance Evans the third, I have been holding back from you for so long in so many ways and if one shitty video is all it takes for me to be able to act like your boyfriend all the time then..." I didn't finish my sentence, instead I hit the upload button on the video.

"Things are never going to be the same again you know" Tristan warned as he snaked has arms around my waist and pulled my body tight against his own "say it like that's a bad thing" I teased, a laugh escaped from Tris' lips "not bad, in fact the complete opposite really but just making sure you know" he clarified, resting his forehead against mine, "you nervous?" he asked, I nodded slightly to which he responded by placing his lips against my own softly "I won't ever let anybody hurt you Brad" the older boy whispered. I pulled out of Tristan's touch much to his confusion "it's six forty seven, don't I have somewhere to be wearing a suit in thirteen minutes?" I jeered with a wink at him, he laughed as he rolled his eyes.

Slightly later than planned the four of us pulled up outside this incredible manor house, happy birthday banners were displayed brightly across the building and I could spot most of our close friends who had obviously flown over to America for the occasion, "ready to go?" Tristan said low from beside me "two secs" I mumbled whilst quickly typing a text. 'I know you followed us and took the photo's, I thought you was my friend... not a very sneaky reporter are you? guess I should say thanks because hey now I can actually be myself - but in case it wasn't clear... stay away from me Trinity, being a sneaky bitch gets you nowhere x'  I clicked send before shoving my phone into my pocket and taking hold of Tristan's hand "lets go" I sighed as we stepped into the line of press and the public for the first time as us, a couple, finally being ourselves.

A/N

and that's that I guess - the end of 'Holding Back From You'!

this story has been so amazing to write and I'm actually so sad to be ending it but to be honest I felt like the story had run its course and it's always best to end it at a point where people still enjoy it and where the storyline still is strong rather than drag it out to the extent where it's so boring and weak that it is neither enjoyable to write nor read.

thank you everybody who has read and voted on this because it means so much and I'm going to miss writing this so bloody much it's unreal.

thank you to my little American Rae because she's literally so supportive of all my writing and I love her so fricking much and without her I wouldn't have had the inspiration to write this so thank you.

if you liked this then maybe follow me and I'll be posting a new Tradley fic really soon which will be my first A/U story and I'm really excited about.

Also if anybody fancies listening to the songs that really helped give me inspiration for writing here's the little playlist;

Ella Henderson - Lay Down
The Saturdays - You Don't Have The Right
The Vamps - Another World
Little Mix - Always Be Together
Fifth Harmony - Who Are You
Taylor Swift - Style
Shawn Mendes - Life of the Party
Ellie Goulding - Explosions
S Club 7 - Show Me Your Colours