holding back from you

'I clung to the lapel's of his jacket'

my eye's fluttered open as the light filled the room, as my eyes adjusted to the light I saw my three band mates staring at me intensely, "morning pickle" James said as he smiled brightly at me "the doctors said you can leave whenever now, the wound is bandaged properly and your blood pressure is back to normal" the older boy continued as I felt an unusual sensation of happiness fill my small body, a smile brushed itself on my face as Tris handed me a fresh set of clothes.

James and Con instantly left the room to let me get dressed in peace, "don't worry, Joe brought the clothes, I didn't leave you once" Tristan re-assured me before turning to leave the room, "Tris" I said in a slight panic, he turned to face me with a concerned expression, "thank you" I mumbled as Tristan laughed slightly to himself "you're adorable Simpson" he said before leaving the room to join the other two. As I pulled the hospital gown off my body I looked at my exposed body in the full length mirror that was positioned next to my bed, I looked at the white bandages that trailed along the side of my body and then at the scars that ran along the length's of both of my thigh's, I ran my hand across the scars on my thighs - wincing at the pain some of the fresher ones released against my touch - before placing my hand gently against my stomach "fuck, I need to exercise" I exhaled, I felt so disgusting looking at my body in the mirror with all my repulsing imperfections staring straight at me so I turned my back against the mirror as I pulled on the fresh underwear, jeans and dark blue flannel before slipping on my socks and black ankle boots.

I walked out of the ward and the three boys lead me to the hospital doors, "you two go ahead, I'll explain everything" Tris said before Con and James swiftly walked away and towards the exit, Tristan pulled me into a small corridor out of view and placed his hands on my shoulders before his expression turned soft and his eyes connected with mine "here's the slight issue, somehow the press found out you were injured and put in here so outside the door's there is about twenty photographers" he said gently as I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach and my chest knotted up, "I'll get you into the car as fast as possible okay?" he whispered before planting a kiss on my forehead, "I'm scared" I whispered almost silently, Tristan's hand's trailed themselves up to rest on the sides of my face as I clung to the lapel's of his jacket. I forced myself onto tip toes as I slowly pushed my lips against Tristan's, I felt myself trembling before he pulled away gently "I'm here every step" he whispered, taking my small hand inside his own and pulling me through the hotel doors.

"BRAD!" - I heard my name being screamed from every direction, the outside was full of both photographers and fans, does nobody understand privacy? I felt my entire body freeze with fear, I couldn't even move, they all think I'm a mess... I snapped out of my trail of thought as I felt myself being pulled tightly against Tristan's body and he pulled his coat over my entire body. He practically carried me to the large black car that waited at the edge of the pavement, Tris gently forced my still frozen body into the car. "are you okay?" he said gently as he rubbed his hand softly against my lower thigh - avoiding the scars that he knew were slightly higher - and I nodded in response. "did I miss something?" James quizzed, hinting at the sudden closeness and amount of contact between myself and Tris - not surprisingly as just a few hours ago we were refusing to talk to each other - causing Tristan to stir uncomfortably "urm maybe, I don't quite know" he laughed nervously, I slipped my hand back inside Tristan's as all three of their eyes fell onto me "last night I woke up and we talked... turned out we'd both been oblivious but thinking the same" I mumbled nervously, failing to look at any of my band mates, "so are you two..." Connor trailed off as mine and Tristan's eyes connected, I began to nod as his eyes lit up and a smile stretched across his lips. Con pulled the three of us into a group hug as for the first time in ages I felt genuinely happy, I could finally be myself around the three people who meant more to me than anything.

After we arrived back at our hotel Tristan pulled me into his and Con's hotel room whilst the other two went to get us a table at the café downstairs. "so what are... we?" I asked as Tris linked his arms around my neck, "it's up to you, whatever you want then I'm happy with" he replied with a smirk, I giggled nervously as I pushed my lips to his for the second time that day before he began to laugh into the kiss "I guess that answers that" he laughed, pulling himself away from me "James and Con are waiting" he said as I pouted at him "I know" I sighed, causing another smile to press his lips.

The light in the café captured Tris' eyes perfectly from where he sat opposite me, the light reflected against the older boys eyes beautifully in a way that made them sparkle. I felt myself blush from Tris' gaze before I forced myself to scroll my eyes across the menu. After we ordered our food we broke into casual conversation between the four of us in the way we usually did, our band mates pressed into what actually happened last night to make me and Tris realise where we stood, Tristan managed to re tell the story almost work perfect - but leaving out the parts about my mum, the pills or the cuts - and the other two boys listened in awe. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, as I pulled it out and glanced at the screen the words that lit up the screen read *MOTHER - PHOTO MESSAGE*. I unlocked my phone and read the message, the words read 'if this is what I think it is then you're dead to me Bradley.' with a photo of mine and Tristan's hands linked leaving the hospital attached. I felt the smile slip from my face and the warm glow of happiness that radiated from my skin just seconds ago relapsed into the icy feeling of fear and loneliness, how does she always find a way to ruin everything?

"Brad, what happened?" I heard Tristan's voice say cautiously as his hand placed itself defensively on mine that was rested on the table, I looked up from my phone and connected my eyes with his...