holding back from you

'I knew the real reason behind the smile'

Tristan's POV

the younger boy sat nervously on the edge of my bed breathing heavily as he fiddled with his hands in a panicked frenzy, "Brad, I promise it'll be fine" I said in an attempt to reassure him but as expected it was unsuccessful. Brad's hazel eyes met mine as his lips opened and he began to speak softly "she's going to hate me so much, she knew from that one photo Tris, what if everyone knows? what if people find out? I'm not ready" he panicked as he shook and tears began to form in his eyes, I took a seat next to him as I pulled him into my body, he nuzzled his way into my chest and wrapped his arms around me. "Nobody will think about it, they'll think it's just the same as when we've hugged or held hands before all this okay?" I said as he nodded gently into me. Somehow Brad's body seemed to fit perfectly into mine in a way nobody else's ever had, it was like we were meant to just fit... My trail of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door - which I assumed was Connor seeing as this was his hotel room too - "who is it?" I called out before the knocking stopped, "it's Joe, can I talk to you?" the voice of our manager responded, I've never seen Brad move so fast as in that moment, Brad pulled himself away from me and practically sprinted to the opposite side of the room "what if he knows?" Brad whispered as he played with his sleeve nervously, I smiled at him confidently "then I'll do the talking" I reassured before opening the door to Joe.

"Hey Tris!" Joe said brightly as he walked into my hotel room, "Oh hey Brad, I was wondering where you was - the other two said you might be here - anyway are you guys ready for some news?" he asked with a smile swept across his face, the two of us nodded in sync as we awaited what Joe had to say, "well since what happened the other night, me and the label think it'd be best to cancel some of the American shows and give you boys a bit of time off, go home back to the UK and have two weeks to calm down, get our heads together again and then we can start work on releasing the new single... sound like a plan?".

I smiled excitedly at Joe, we hadn't been home for months - we'd had our UK tour and traveling across Europe and America - and the prospect of actually spending time with my family sounded pretty good right now. "when do we leave?" I exclaimed full of happiness causing a chuckle to slip from Joe's mouth, "7pm tonight the flight is so we need to leave in about two hours for check in - get packing" he said with a wink before leaving the room. I swung around grinning to look at Brad but my excitement was something not shared by Brad, the nineteen year old was stood by the bathroom door looking pale and visibly shaking "Tris, I don't want to go home" he stuttered, his voice full of fear. I bolted towards him and pulled him into me, I gently kissed the top of his head, "come stay with me then?" I asked, he pulled his head back from me slightly to look up at me, our eyes met as he whispered "really?". I laughed slightly as I kissed Brad's forehead tenderly "of course you can, my family love you Brad, you're always welcome... plus it mean's I get to spend more time with you" I said causing the younger boy to blush.

"Tris can I tell you something?" Brad said as he helped to pack my belongings into my suitcase, I nodded at him, he began to blush and nervously looked at his feet "you know another world? well it's actually about you" he said, I literally felt my heart explode in that moment, I laced my fingers into his curls as I pulled his body to meet mine, I pushed my lips against his - which felt soft against mine - and wrapped my arms around his small build "that is the cutest thing I've ever been told Brad, can you get any more adorable?" I teased as I kept his body tight against mine as he giggled to himself, "it always felt impossible, it felt as if everyone would judge me for being like I am and liking you - the thought of being with you was all that I wanted but I never knew if that was wrong or just a mistake and maybe if we weren't 'The Vamps' and just regular Brad and Tristan it would be easier to tell you and maybe I would have had a chance to actually be with you... but I guess I was wrong, because here we are" he said as all the blood rushed to colour the teenagers cheeks and he pressed his soft lips to mine once more causing me to smile into the kiss.

A few hours passed and as we boarded the plane the four of us slid easily into our seats, eventually Brad drifted to sleep with his head rested on my shoulder and his fingers entwined with my own, with my spare hand I played with his messy curls and smiled as I looked at the peaceful and innocent boy I guess I can call my boyfriend, I mean we haven't discussed naming it properly but when we've been friends for this long, experienced this much together and both liked one another for so long, I guess its so much easier and faster to just slip into these names and things.

I felt a tap on my back causing me to turn around, "I can't sleep" Connor whined from behind me, "what do you want me to do about it child?" I taunted sarcastically to him resulting in him kicking my seat hard "talk to me?" he asked, the boredom evident in his tone. Me and Con seemed to speak for the entire plane length, I think it was about ten hours but I wasn't keeping check, neither of us seemed to feel tired. As we arrived at the airport me and Brad said our goodbye's to Joe and our band mates. "can you text me when you get home Brad?" Joe asked, sounding concerned but that was a given seeing as Brad was the one who was ill, the younger boy nodded enthusiastically giving the illusion he was actually excited to be going home to his mother although I knew the real reason behind the smile and excitement...

As we sat in the blacked out car that was driving us to my family home in Exeter, Brad relaxed his body into my side and I easily wrapped my arm around his body "are you sure they won't mind me staying? like wouldn't they rather just have their son home?" Brad asked nervously, "I already told my mum you're staying for the two weeks and she's excited Brad, she said she can't wait because it's been ages since they've seen you too, like I said earlier my family bloody love you, sometimes I actually think my mum prefers you to me babe" I said with a wink, Brad's face flushed hot pink as he pecked my cheek calmly "you've never called me babe before" he said teasingly "but I actually quite like it".