holding back from you

'the buzz I felt from just feeling Tristan's touch '

Brad's POV

As the car slowed to a halt I felt Tristan rub my hip gently as his hot breath tickled against my ear "we're here babe" he whispered causing me to pull my tired eye lids open and unclip my seatbelt. Once we slid out of the car and collected our bags from the boot Tristan's parents had already made their way out of the house and to the car hotly followed by his siblings. "Hey!" Tristan greeted as he pulled his mum into a tight hug followed by his dad, sister and brother in turn. "I've missed you guys" he said with a smile spanning the width of his face, "we've missed you too love" his mum responded, pulling her son into another hug, "what's keeping you so quiet for once mister?" Tristan's mum asked with a smirk pulled on her face as she approached me and pulled me into a friendly embraced, "we've all missed you too Brad" she cooed causing me too laugh, "I think it's just the jet lag to be honest, after a good night's sleep you won't be able to shut me up again" I jeered with a wink earning a scoff in response from Tristan, "Brad, you slept the whole bloody flight and car journey, you have no right to be tired child" he retorted, I laughed as I winked cheekily at him. "Tristan leave Brad alone, he's the guest in our home and don't think just because you're an adult now and touring the world that I won't clip you round the ear if you don't watch your language mister" his mum scolded, causing a laugh to purse at my lips. Tris' dad grabbed both our suitcases and dragged them into the house and the rest of us followed him in. "you boys hungry?" Tris' mum Caroline asked as we entered the house, I nodded with a smile as Tristan answered for us "obviously, what's for dinner?" he asked teasingly as I glanced at the clock situated on the families mantle piece, it was half seven in the evening and from the hundreds of time's I'd stayed at Tris' house I knew that their dinner was always at eight in the evening, no later and no earlier. "you're in luck bro, I convinced her to order pizza tonight" Tristan's older brother James said as he wrapped an arm around Tris' shoulders. "oh and Brad" James called to me "Millie wants to sit next to you at dinner, think her little crush has gotten worse" he teased before Tristan grabbed hold of my forearm, "lets go unpack before dinner" he said beaming, "that spare room is basically your second bedroom Brad, I think the draws are actually full of clothes you have left here over the years" Caroline giggled as Tristan pulled me up the stairs.

As we reached the top of the stairs I instinctively arched my body to turn right in the direction of the spare room but Tristan's arm snaked around my waist and spun me around to face him "seriously think you're staying in the spare room?" he quizzed, tilting his head to one side in confusion "you're staying in my room silly" he confirmed as he dragged me into his childhood bedroom. Although I'd seen this room a billion times previously, I still managed to find this room so adorable and captivating in the way it hadn't altered in the whole time I'd known Tristan and apparently hadn't altered since the twenty year old was about nine. The walls we're painted a light blue colour with a small single bed in one corner, a dark blue wardrobe in another and a small brown graffitied desk in the next. I walked towards Tristan's desk and glanced at the graffiti that covered it, 'TRISTAN ROCKZ' seemed to be the most common phrase that was repeated along the desk whilst other things stood out such as 'The Vamps', doodles of Animal from the muppets and thousands of attempts at trying to perfect his signature. I felt Tristan come behind me and wrap his arms around my waist, "admiring my artwork Bradley?" he teased as he planted soft kisses down my neck, I turned around and pushed our mouths together. Without parting our lips the two of us moved our way over towards Tristan's bed as he pulled both our bodies onto the mattress, Tris' tongue pushed against my lips as if asking permission to deepen the kiss, I obliged as our tongues battled for dominance until I let a much more confident Tristan take the lead as he actually knew what he was doing. Tris pulled my small body on top of his own as he ran his hands through my curls until they began trailing the length of my back to the point where they paused, his hips began to grind gently against mine causing an instant friction between our bodies that only made me long for Tristan's touch that much more until we heard the voice belonging to Tristan's dad Adrian call up the stairs "Boys it's dinner" causing both of us to laugh, Tristan lifted my body off the bed with ease before standing next to me and placing one quick lingering kiss on my lips "well Millie's gonna be heart broken when she finds out her brother is dating the boy she fancies isn't she" he teased, I rolled my eyes at the older boy "leave your sister alone, she's nine and actually I find it sweet she fancies me so I think I'll sit with her rather than you actually" I retorted with a devilish smirk licking at my lips, "and why would you rather sit with a nine year old than your actual boyfriend?" he asked causing a small giggle to emerge from me, before I pecked his cheek gently and giggled again "because you smell" I replied before running out of the room and down the familiar stairs into Tris' dining room where I took the seat that would be in between both Millie and Tristan.

The six of us sat around the dining room table in a group conversation about how the band had been going since we'd seen them last, at times Tristan's hand would sneak under the table whilst nobody was overly paying attention and rest his hand on my thigh - being cautious as to avoid the scars he knew were there - causing me to un discretely blush a deep crimson at the buzz I felt from just feeling Tristan's touch and the way it felt to think that he was actually mine now. "so Brad not that we mind of course because you're one of the family practically but how come's you didn't go home to see your family this week? surely they must be worried about the stabbing?" Caroline asked with caution, her soft eyes connecting with mine showing that she genuinely didn't mind my being here but was actually slightly confused. I squirmed uncomfortably at the mention of my family and the reminder of why I actually hadn't gone home because despite how badly my mum had reacted and how she now resented me, I actually do miss my sister Natalie and my dog Jesse... but seeing them wasn't an option, "you don't have to say Brad" Tristan said cautiously before shooting his mum an icy glare, "no Tris it's fine" I sighed before taking a deep breath and sealing my eyes tightly together just like I had when I'd told Tristan.

"me and my mum used to be really close but when the band started we slowly got more distant, she said she thought I was cutting a lot of people out for the band but she had always pushed me to go for my dreams and in a way it felt like she didn't want me to try anymore and wanted me to be the quiet Brad with a handful of friends and didn't speak out of place or anything, being with the band gave me so much more confidence to be who I was so that's what I did, I accepted who I am and I told her that..." I hesitated as I pulled together the bravery to finish my story "I told her that I was gay and she told me that I wasn't and it was a phase, which I know isn't true, but she said if it was true then not to come back and that I was as good as dead to her... so I guess that lead me here" I finished as I felt tears leaking down my face again, this time not through sadness but actually through happiness with myself, in that moment I felt as though I had actually just confirmed who I am to myself and I'm actually happy with who I am.

I began to open my eyes when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my body, as they opened it was revealed to be Caroline "I'm so proud of you Brad, that must have been horrible for you and you are always welcome here Bradley, you're as good as a son to me" she sobbed, "do many people know?" Tris' brother asked as he smiled reassuringly "just you guys and the band actually" I said awkwardly but James' smile grew at my response "well I feel honoured to know" he grinned as he hugged me tightly. "how did you fully know then? did you meet a guy?" Caroline teased with a smirk on her face, I felt my stomach twist nervously because I have no idea how to answer this but as I opened my mouth to attempt a reply Tristan's voice cut me off "actually he did mum" he announced proudly "he met me and I rather think I like him too" he said as he entwined his fingers into my own and a happiness seemed to radiate from his skin. "I KNEW IT!" James called from the far right of the table "father you owe me twenty quid" he exclaimed smugly as Tristan knitted his eyebrows together in confusion "you bet on me being bisexual?" he asked quizzically, his dad laughed at his son's question "sort of, James said he always thought something was going on or would go on between you and Brad and I bet him twenty pound that it wouldn't but hey he was right" Adrian said as he laughed softly, Tristan's mum came around the table and pulled her son into a tight hug "I'm so proud of you baby" she beamed, "I defiantly approve of this one" she giggled as she pointed at me, causing a giggle to escape from Tristan "defiantly picked a good one didn't I" he responded as he pecked my cheek. "I WANTED BRAD!" Tristan's nine year old sister Millie screamed from beside me before she hit Tris on the arm and stormed out of the room. "told you she wouldn't be happy" he teased as I giggled, before he tangled our hands together once again.