Cobra Kai Oneshots

Girl Stuff

Johnny tricks Tory and Sam into coming round and 'kidnaps' them for a day to learn about girl stuff after finding out the gender of the baby.

T/W: mentions of S.A.

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"Hey, Robs!" Tory shouted opening the door to Johnny Lawerence's apartment. "Oh, hey, LaRusso. Are you here to see Miguel?"
"I wish." The brunette commented from the couch rolling her eyes.
"Hey, blondie! You're here, take a seat." Johnny said from the arm chair.
"What's going on?" Tory asked. Sam closed her eyes and sighed saying "You don't want to know."
"Sit down." Johnny pressed and Tory reluctantly sat next to her former rival. "If you're going to make us do the whole 'fight it out' thing to work out our issues that you made the boys do - we're good."
"Speaking of the boys, where are they?" Sam added.
"This isn't actually about you two. And, uh, not here."
"That's interesting since Miguel texted me to meet him here. I'm assuming you got the same message from Robby?"
"Yeah, I stole their phones and texted you guys."
"One, I'm surprised you were capable of that. Two, I'm gonna tell Robby to change his password."
Sam nodded "Same."
"Dare I ask why?" Tory questioned bracing herself for the answer.
"Did they tell you what we found out at the ultrasound?" Johnny asked nervously.
"Yeah." They both answered. "The baby's a girl! I'm so excited!" Sam squealed.
"Yeah, well... I'm not the best with girly stuff, and I thought as my future-daughters-in-law you two could and would be obligated to help me." Tory didn't know which part of that sentence to laugh at more while Sam just blushed. Once she got her laughter under control, Tory started "Well, don't abandon her... that part's the same for boys and girls."
"Tory!" Sam gently hit her good arm.
"No, no, it's okay Little LaRusso. She's just sticking up for him. It's nice, Robby deserves it." Johnny brushed off the comment. "And, yeah, I know I need to do better at stuff like that - I'm going to - but I know it doesn't make up for what I did to Robby. But, at least, the few times I did look after Robby I knew what to do: cars, skateboarding, karate, horror films, monster trucks. I don't know the first thing about princess or tea parties or dolls or whatever girls like to do and play with." When Johnny finished explaining, Tory stood up saying "Yeah, you don't need me for this." and went to leave but Sam stopped her before Johnny could. "There's a lot more to being a girl than that, Johnny." She said looking up at Tory where she'd grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. "Oh what? So, you get to tell all the good stuff and I get the bad part?"
"No. I just meant... ugh... can you just sit down? Please?" Sam begged shifting along the couch to make room for Tory. The blonde reluctantly sat down and folded her arms petulantly but then grimaced as it put pressure on her still broken hand and huffed having to unfold them and rest her hands in her lap. Johnny and Sam watched the irritable blonde carefully.

"Okay, Johnny, did you watch the Barbie movie?" Sam started.
"No! Of course not." The man still stuck in the 80s screwed up his face in disgust.
"Did you seriously have to ask him that to know the answer?" Tory deadpanned.
"Okay, this might take a while." Sam sighed.

"Do you remember when you tried to convince Piper to join Eagle Fang?" Tory took over trying not to laugh at the memory of the other girl explaining it to her.
"Yeah. Moon taught me feminism. She said if I tried my usual approach it wouldn't have worked."
"True."
"Yeah, turns out I should have bribed her with free stuff." Johnny said bitterly.
"Not the point." Tory argued over him - refusing to let him trash talk one of her closest friends. "See whatever you said to her, you have to be like that all the time."
"Really? That was exhausting." Johnny complained.
"You know what's more exhausting? Being us." Sam argued. "It is literally impossible to be a woman. Maybe it'll be better by the time your daughter is our age."
"Hopefully." Tory interjected.
"And obviously we can't speak for what it's like for her to grow up being half Ecuadorian and all the specific Latina stereotypes on top of the female ones."
"Don't worry, she's gonna kick anyone's ass who ever says or does anything." Johnny assured them making a fist. Tory groaned "Shall I?"
"Not yet." Sam said. "Listen, Johnny, it's so much more complicated than that. "You have to be thin but not too thin, you have to have money but god forbid, you earn more than a guy, and maybe Tory and I aren't the best example of this but you're supposed to be part of the sisterhood and have each other's backs, and not put other women down."
"Okay. How does that help me raise my daughter? Do I make sure there's decaf-tea at the tea parties?"
Tory groaned again while Sam tried not to laugh in disappointment. "He's not going to get this. Maybe we should scare him a bit?" Tory suggested.
"If you're going to throw some statistic at me. It's not going to apply to my daughter."
"99%." Tory cut him off.
"That's how many women have experienced some kind of sexual assault, from cat calls to rape." Sam expanded.
"Shit."
"Yeah, it is." Tory said seriously.
"Obviously, your daughter is going to grow up and knowing how to defend herself, which is really important and beneficial."
"Yeah, but we're not going to let anything happen to her." Johnny argued.
"I'm sure having a family who can actually look out for her will help." Tory realised she might have scared him too much and thought maybe she was projecting, maybe it would be different in another life.
"Even with even with family around stuff still happens." Sam said in a small voice.
"Like what?" Johnny asked.
"Wait, what?" Tory said surprised. "What?" she asked genuinely, wondering if the other girl had been through things similar to herself; Tory then corrected herself "I'm sorry, you don't you don't have to tell me that."
"It's okay. I fought back. I went to a movie with Kyler when he tried to fulfil a fantasy."
Tory screwed up her face in disgust "Remind me to kill him next time I see him."
"Ditto." Johnny promised.

"Okay, we got off track. Listen, your kid might not even want to have tea parties."
"Not the whole gender thing."
"Johnny!" They both shouted.
"Maybe not that extreme, but maybe she'll want to be a tomboy. I'm just saying, if she picks up Robby's skateboard one day, don't force her into a princess dress unless she wants to wear it." Tory looked down at her phone hearing it ding while she was speaking. "Oh, speaking of Robby. 'Hey, where are you? I didn't send you this earlier. Are you okay? Please, answer.' Hm, you'd think since I was the one who got tortured, I would be the one with separation anxiety." She commented. "You know, if you were really smart about it, you would've deleted the message after you sent it so they didn't find out."
"I don't know how to do that." Johnny said.
"And the world is right again." She smirked.

"You don't need to worry about being a girl dad, Johnny. At least, not yet. Just meet your daughter and find out what she likes, not what you think she'll like from decades of stereotypes." Sam assured him.
"Yeah, I bet you never thought girls would like karate the last time you had a baby?"
"No, I did not." He chuckled. "Or that my future-daughters-in-law would be better at it than my sons." He smiled at the two girls.
"Or that your sons would like Taylor Swift more than us." Tory joked.
"I-" Sam went to object.
"Well, more than me, at least." The blond corrected.

"I don't know if this is against feminism, but if you guys (girls, sorry) ever need anyone's ass kicked for that 99% thing, you can always come to me."
"Well, Robby does really want to kill my landlord so, if he ends up in jail again, I'll let you know."

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A/n: I really hope this wasn't offensive in any way, it's such a sensitive subject. I originally planned this to be more of a comedy with Johnny panicking about having a girl similar to the way he reacted in the show when getting ready for a baby and wanting to see a scene with him bonding with his sons' girlfriends, but you can't really ignore the big issues.

Like with most of my works, this idea has been sitting in my drafts for months. Of course, it was slightly inspired by Barbie (and The Eras Tour being released on Disney+) but I discovered at new song at the weekend at C2C Festival by the English country band Remember Monday called "Nothing Nice To Say" which put me back in the mood to write this one shot.