YOU, ME, & SHE • |KTH AU| •

one

There's a butt naked dude chasing a mini poodle around his front lawn in front of me.

A while ago after I'd walked up to the door and pressed the buzzer, he'd come to answer. Fella must have partied too hard last night because he was standing there with a throw blanket wrapped around his waist, holding it closed with one hand.

Behind him in the living room, there were a couple of other guys sprawled around, and it was obvious that they were all suffering from hangovers. But before I could begin my usual lines, a little white poodle had gone tearing out to freedom.

Freaking out and dropping the blanket, he'd gone running after the dog, screaming about how his girlfriend would kill him if he lost it.

I'm just standing here, pizzas in one arm, enjoying the show. And if I'm being honest here he's kinda easy on the eyes so, I'm loving the view.

After a bit of a brouhaha, he finally captures the dog, and we make eye contact.

Poor guy blushes a bright red, holding the yelping dog in front of his crotch and quickly walking back to the door. Smirking, I step out of the way.

"Just leave the pizzas on the porch table. I'll get them in a minute," He says, going in. "I, uh, dropped the money on the stair there. Keep the change." Then he disappears inside.

Cackling, I go on to leave the pizza, then I pick up the money and head back to my scooter bike. I've got one last delivery to make before calling it a day.

Delivering pizza might not be the most glamorous job, but it sure does provide tons of memorable moments.

One of the craziest incidents I've experienced was when I was told to deliver to a certain address, only to find that it was a competitor pizza place. The customer picked up the pizza in the parking lot, then started to head inside to eat it at the rivals' place.

The employees there and I stared at each other for what will forever remain the most awkward minute in my life before I left.

And this other time, I had a lady pay me, then just throw the pizza in her freaking yard and slam the door closed.

I generally don't do night shifts. Venturing alone into unfamiliar places after dark isn't safe for anybody, more so if you're a girl. So, it's usually our male drivers who take them - but this one night, we were short and super busy, so I did it without hesitation. Gotta eat after all, right?

But the moment I got there I totally regretted it.

Watching me as I got off my scooter with the pizza was this sleazy looking group of guys. I donned on my game face, hoping for the best.

One of them approached me, hard gaze softening as he looked me up and down, then on meet my own uncertain one. We stared at each other for what seemed like eons.

"Get outta here." He finally said.

Then he walked back to his friends. "Naw, y'all, come on, it's just some pathetic, tiny chick." I heard him say.

As they all begun walking away, the dude that'd spoken to gave me a nod and smile, mouthed at me to take care. I found out later that one deliverer got brutally beaten in that lot. And if I hadn't been a "pathetic, tiny chick", I might've suffered the same or worse.

But even the day shifts aren't always risk-free. I got to this house once and this guy opened the door and invited me in. He went to get the money, and he came back with a gun and pointed it at my face.

I stood frozen where I was, too slack-jawed to say anything.

But then he guffawed and lowered the gun. The bastard said that he was very proud of it and just wanted to show it to me. He put it away, paid me, and tipped me zero dollars.

It's bad enough that I work for a pittance, and then some if I get someone who is cranky, not feeling generous, is short on cash, or just doesn't believe in giving out tips.

The one thing I really like about this job is that I get to be on the road all the time. And mind you, it's got little to do with feelings of enjoyment resulting from being out in the open air, or related shit but more with where my GPS takes me.

I don't care for delivering to shitty places which are no different from where I call home. No, I prefer my destinations to be more grand. I practically lust after the glimpses I can catch of the lavish lifestyles of the wealthy, a way of life I can never have... Fantasize what it'd be like if I did.

****

It takes me a while to arrive at my next destination, which is located on outskirts of the city. And boy, am I drooling as I curve up the sweeping driveway, driving slower so I can take in my surroundings better.

All the stately homes I've been to have got nothing on this place.

Surrounding me are sprawling grounds and manicured lawns and all these huge, elegant pines, setting the stage for the imposing mansion lying ahead.

With reverence, I approach the impressive gateway. I get off my scooter with the pizzas, glancing at the gold plated nameplate with Kim engraved on it.

There's a bunch of cameras monitoring me from above, so, I quickly throw on a more professional expression and reach out to press the button on the doorbell phone. A few seconds later, there's a click and then a female voice speaks out. "Pizza delivery - right. Let's meet at the front door." With that, the gate automatically slides open, and I go on in.

I manage to keep my game face on as I go past the gorgeous landscaping to the porch. The door swings open just as I step on the landing and an imperious looking girl around my age saunters out. Judging from her outfit - black shirt and slacks and a little white apron - she's a servant of this household.

She places a hand planted on her hip as she examines me from head to toe, lip curled in apparent distaste.

Well, I've come across the likes of her enough times to be unfazed.
Smiling brightly, I hold out the pizza boxes to her. "Good evening! I've got your p-" My cheery spiel is cut off as the pizzas are snatched from my hands without warning. A banknote is tossed at me. And then with one last sneer, she turns around and storms back inside.

Who lit the fuse on her tampon, anyway?

Shrugging it off, I make my way out. Because of the heavy scrutiny of the cameras, I don't dare linger and get back on my scooter right away.

But I drive only a short distance away before I get this strong urge to stop and look back... to admire the gorgeous estate for one last time.

I swallow the stupid impulse and drive on.

Because no amount of gawking can make that place mine. Nothing can.

_______________________________________

The sun is starting to set by the time I make it back to the pizza place. I grab some pizza for dinner - which is on 20% discount for employees, before starting out again for my place.

As expected at this time of the day, everyone else is headed home too but my scooter is small and maneuverable which gives me the freedom to try and weave out of the traffic.

It's still a real effort, and the towering billboard nearby displaying none other than her only worsens my mood. She smirks down at me, her slutty pose corresponding perfectly with the skimpy outfit she's wearing.

Repulsive.

Scoffing, I return my focus to the task at hand.

At last I make it out and, thankfully, the rest of my ride is quiet and peaceful. I begin to loosen up a bit as I approach my apartment complex parking lot. I'm revving up the engine to make the turn when a dark SUV suddenly swerves in front of me causing me to slam on the brakes.

Another one pulls up alongside me, then another, and another. Soon, I'm completely surrounded by all these mysterious cars with tinted windows.

What. The. Fuck.

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