Beyond the Camera

Chapter 13

Seungmin P.O.V

I sat at the breakfast bar as Chan made dinner. Things had been pretty quiet since I learned about his past. It seemed he hadn't expected my reaction. Honestly, I hadn't either. The words had just came out before I could stop them. Everything made since then. His anger problems and violent tendencies were all in the past but I could understand where they came from. He'd hit me a few times in the beginning but I knew something had caused those tendencies because when it happened, the guilt shattered him. It was a long time before he would go near me, let alone touch me. The weird part was, I found it hot. I wasn't repulsed by it at all. That seemed to scare him. He knew I'd been through some shit and our sexual relationship got heated sometimes but torture was never something I would talk about out loud. Dark thoughts went through my head from time to time but I never acted on them. Why would I? It was weird. He finally sighed and turned to me.

"When I slammed you against that wall and choked you, did you like it?" I raised a brow.

"No, but not because I'm not into it. I didn't like it because it was motivated by anger. Not by love or lust. It's different." He nodded as he made our plates.

"So you don't like me being gentle?" I chuckled.

"No I do like making love to you and I like pain too. I've just never told you because I don't know if I could handle it. I mean, even when you're gentle, I still... think about the past. I'm just scarred. The fact that I can have sex at all is a miracle." He sat a plate down in front of me and grabbed a drink before taking his place next to me.

"Well, maybe this week will put your mind at ease. A lot of things are going to happen and you'll probably never look at me the same way but I hope it will put your mind at ease." I smiled. He was just that kind of person. I could tell by the way he talked that he hated that side of him but he was doing it for me.

"I only ask one thing." He hummed. "Drag it out and make him suffer."

"Do you want me to kill him?" I shivered.

"Is that an option?" He nodded as he took a bite of food.

"It can become one." I contemplated for a long time before answering him. Did I really want that? Would it really help? Then I thought about my dad and how I watched him bleed out.

"Yes. I want you to kill him. If that's an option."

"Okay."

"Will it bother you?" He shook his head.

"It's not the first life I've taken. I told you, Seungmin. I've done some really bad things."

"Killing people is included in those bad things?"

"Yes, baby. It is. Except, this time, it will be for a good reason. Not just because I take pleasure in it." He sighed. "Unfortunately, I'm a lot like my dad. I hate to admit it, but it's true. I changed everything for you but I won't lie and tell you that I haven't thought about it. It's not an addiction or anything but when I see you or the guys hurt, I want to break the people that caused the pain."

"That girl that did that shit to Han, you didn't like..." I trailed off not being able to finish the sentence.

"I made her disappear but I didn't hurt her. I don't put my hands on women. I'm cruel and psychotic but I still have morals." I laughed.

"Well at least there's that." He raised a brow.

"You're not scared of me?" I almost laughed at his question.

"Why would I be scared of you? If anything, I feel safer now." He smiled before wrapping his free arm around my waist and pressing a kiss to my neck.

"That's a twisted way of seeing it but thanks, baby." We finished our food and cleaned up after that. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the living room. He raised a brow but obeyed. When we got to the couch, I pushed him and slid into his lap.