Shining Stars In The Night

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

SABRINA

I was born with this kind of attitude. Intimidating, cold and emotionless. I don't know why I was like this. I was totally the complete opposite of my mother. She's sweet, charming and warm. Sabi nila nagmana raw ako kay Daddy dahil ganito rin daw ang ugali niya noong kabataan niya. But seeing my Dad whenever he's with us? He's also sweet and clingy.

I tried changing my attitude pero kahit bata pa lang ako ay hindi ko na talaga magawang makipagkaibigan sa ibang mga bata.

They said, I was different.

"Can I join?" I asked one of the kids from our class. We're at the playground because our teacher let us to play for awhile. I was only in my pre-school.

They didn't answer me and just walked away.

Madaming pagkakataon na ganu'n ang nangyayari kaya in the end I always isolated myself from playing with them. I don't want to always please them para lang makalaro ko sila. Kung ayaw nila akong kalaro, e'di hindi.

I won't force them to like me anyway.

I entered elementary and just like my pre-school days, my classmates didn't like me. It looks like I'm way more mature than them. Marami akong naririnig mula sa kanila na kesyo mayabang ako, na kesyo hindi ako magandang kaibiganin. Kasi ganito ako e', natatakot silang lapitan ako kasi akala nila ay tatarayan ko sila. Akala nila hindi ako katulad nilang gusto ring makipaglaro.

It kinda hurts me, because I also want a friend. I also want a friend that I can talk to about anything! I also want a friend who will listen to me and a friend I can always count on.

Pero hanggang tingin na lang ako sa ibang mga ka-edad ko na maraming kaibigan.

I could never fit on their circle.

So I just focused on my studies. I spend most of my time reading my books because I kinda feel like I was more welcomed in that world. The world of books, where no one judges me for who I am. Mas malaya ako kapag nagbabasa; mas napapayapa ang utak at puso ko. Pakiramdam ko kasi napupunta ako sa ibang mundo, and sometimes I just wish that I could live on that world.

Pero hindi naman natin matatakasan ang reyalidad. Hindi ko matatakasan ang mundong ginagalawan ko.

My parents was so concerned about me. Close naman ako sa kanila pero hindi ako maingay o makulit katulad ng ibang bata. Palagi kong naririnig sa kanila na big girl na ako dahil matalino ako at mabilis pagsabihan. I knew I was different at doon sila nagaalala para sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mali. Mali ba na ganito ugali ko? Mali ba na ganito ako lumaki? Mali ba na naiiba ako sa ibang bata? Hindi ko talaga maintindihan.

They wanted me to have a friend! Kaya naman palagi nila akong sinasama sa mga business trip nila para ipakilala ako sa mga anak ng business partners nila.

Pero sa huli ay hindi naman umubra iyon. Sa katunayan nga ay inaway lang ako noong mga batang 'yon. Kaya hindi ko na pinilit.

"Mom, Dad, sinabi ko naman po sa inyo. It was hard for me to be friend by others. Ayos naman po ako kahit walang may gusto sa akin."

They both crouched at me and Mom caressed my hair.

"Anak, don't say that. There's nothing wrong with you. Alam kong may dadating o may makikilala ka ring tao na gugustuhin kang maging kaibigan." she said.

So I waited and have fate on what my mother said. Naniwala ako na may mga tao ngang pipiliin rin akong maging kaibigan. Maybe this wait will all be worth it kapag dumating na 'yung mga taong mananatili talaga sa tabi ko no matter what happens.