Sea of Stars 별바다

Chapter 38

Today, I couldn't force myself to get out of bed. I glance at the clock in the corner of the room and see it's almost two in the afternoon. I've been in bed staring at the ceiling for the past two hours with a blank mind. Not much is going through my head right now yet subconsciously, it feels like I'm at a concert with so much screaming. I was about to roll over when I heard a knock on the door. 

"Bada? You up hun?" Soo-min asks from the door. I don't have it in me to respond so she goes away. I roll over hugging Luna's sweatshirt tighter hoping I can get some kind of grasp on her at the moment. I curl up on my side with my legs to my chest as a few tears slip out of my eyes. I guess everything that's happened these past few days is now hitting me really hard pulling me into this dark state of mind. So much darkness in my head right now and I have no idea how to fix it. 

When I first met Luna, I was at a point in my life trying to find myself. When I met her, it felt like all the pieces of the puzzle had finally fallen into the correct spaces. And without her here, that puzzle has been scrambled again. Even when we were just friends, I always held Luna in a special place in my heart. She was different from everyone else. An amazing difference that changed my life for the better. I'd never thought I'd be able to live the way I wanted being gay. I just thought that it was how my mind was and that one day I'd end up settling down with a man. 

Luna changed that for me and opened a new door to my life. A door that I've always held the key to but was too afraid to open. I'm not afraid when it comes to her. She made me so excited for my future, a future I can truly be myself in. And to not have her here with me is killing me inside. She is my person and for her to be unresponsive like she is now haunts me. 

I stay in bed for another hour with a blank mind. Not knowing what exactly to think right now. There's another knock and the door opens. 

"Imo?" a tiny voice calls to me and I roll over. He-min's at the door and walks over to me. 

"Hi love," I tell her with a raspy voice. 

"Are you okay?" she asks me with her adorable voice. I plaster on a smile to reassure her I'm doing alright. 

"I'm okay love. You don't have to worry about me," I tell her as I pat her head. She comes to lay down next to me and we cuddle together. 

"Are you upset because of Lulu unnie? I thought she was going to be okay," she says and I pull her a little tighter to me with her tiny hands wrapped around my pinky. 

"She is min-min. I'm just a little sad that she's not here right now. I miss her," I tell her honestly. 

"Why don't you go see her then? Isn't she being taken care of at the hospital by daddy?" she asks me. I don't have it in my heart to tell her Luna's not responsive right now. 

"She is, but she's in a deep sleep because she was very tired," I tell her which is somewhat the truth. 

"But your dad is making sure she's doing okay and taking good care of her," I say. 

Another knock comes from the door and the door opens. It's Ha-joon.

"No fair, I want hugs too," he says running and leaping into the bed next to his sister. 

"Alright, alright, cuddles for everyone," I say pulling them both into my embrace. A few minutes pass and Soo-min comes to the door. 

"There you guys are, I was wondering why it was so quiet," she says coming over to the bed and sitting down at our feet. 

"We were having cuddle time with Imu because she misses Lulu unnie," He-min says and Soo-min's eyes soften. 

"Were you? And why wasn't I invited?" she says before plopping on all of us in the bed and pulling us all into a hug.