It's Thursday. I wonder if potters remembered to meet me at the library.
I open the big, beautiful heavy door. I see him sitting in the conner by himself. I walk over there slowly preparing for the worst but I feel nervous. Why do I feel nervous?
"Hey" he says to me.
"Hi" I say back more cheerfully than I wanted it to be.
"So which bit do you want to start first?"
"I think we should do some research first. Write notes out and then we can have something to go off from" I question back.
"OK, sounds good"
Did we just have a civil conversion together?
We finish at about 5.30 and I'm packing up when I hear him coughing like he wants to say something so I pause and look up.
"I know we've never seen eye to eye and well you hate me and all my freinds and you think the same. I just think if we have to do this together and everything we might as well become freinds. I don't hate you at all, whatever you think. Just from today I think we make a pretty good team. What do you say?"
I just stare at him in awe. I never thought I would hear those words coming out his mouth and I'm so glad they did.
"Yah sure. Can't hurt right."
"OK, cool, yah, thank you, I'll see you same time tomorrow?"
By now we're at the door about to go our separate ways.
"Yep, bye harry"
I don't realise I've said it's first name until I'm speed walking away wishing I could turn back time and not say that. Then it hits me like a big lorry, staright in the chest.
~~~~~~
I like him.
I don't mind the fact that I like Harry I guess it's the fact I like a boy. My farther will quite literally kill me if he knew. I could never get married or do anything.
Then something even worse happens. I think walking up the stairs into my dorm room. I don't like girls either. It's just boys.
Oh merlin, oh merlin, oh merlin, oh merlin. What have a done, its not a choice. I can't do anything about it but I can't not. Rage starts building up and up.
⚠️slight s3lf h$a9m⚠️
I punch my walls. Harder and harder till there's a slight dip in them and my knuckles are covered in blood. Oh no. Why can't I just be OK. Why can't I just talk about my feelings in a normal way, like every other person.
I don't like how I'm turning out, I really don't. I need to just not talk or look or communicate with harry in any way for a bit. See if that works.
I tuck my self into bed and hold my blanket like a Teddy bear. I just go sleep. Get away from the world.
-493 words.
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destroy yourself
Fanfiction• starts in 5rd year •enemies to lovers •fluff •dracos pov •TW cut4ing, 3at1ng d1sord3r, 4bu5e(will say when it's in that part) •sirius is a free man and him and remus are taking care of harry but he still has the tr4um4 from the Dursleys •sort of g...
