destroy yourself

coming out

I keep tossing and turning all night but can't seem to sleep. All I can think about is one thing, harry. He's so perfect in everything, it just pains me I'll never get to say it to him.

I read the clock and its 6.30am I know I won't be able to sleep but it's a saterday now so I know everyone will be asleep for another 3, 4 hours.

I head up to the astronomy tower and I'm met with potter. I'm really happy he's here and I think he's happy to see me to if I'm being honest.

"Couldn't sleep?" I question to him.

"Yah" he says back sweetly.

I lean against the banner where he's slumped ans smile at him. I hear him sigh and I do the same.

I don't think in that moment then suddenly.

"I'm gay. Just wanted to tell you." Why the fuck would you say that.

I didn't actually want to say that it just came out and now I really regret it and I haven't even fully came out to myself yet but I mean here we are, guess it's official.

"Really?" Harry says in a confused but supportive way.

"Yah, I'm sorry that was a really weird thing to say and I get if you don't want to talk to me i understand and I'm sorry. I should of sa-"

Harry chuckles a bit.

"It's fine draco. It's kinda of obvious, I'm your freind. It's okay, I'm cool with it."

"Oh thank merlin. I'm so happy about that."

"Yah I mean if we're on that topic, so am I."

Oh

Didnt see that coming

"Really, never would of guessed, your not very obvious. All the girls love you"

"Yha I know, it's annoying really"

It's silent for a second then I hear a sigh from harry and he looks up into my eyes.

"May I ask why you were so worried about me not supporting?" He says sort if worried.

"Well my father is highly homophobic and well my mother's dead now so it will just be me and my father. I know if I ever tell him he would literally kill me, not joking."

"Oh right. Sorry"

"Don't worry. what about you? I know the Dursleys aren't the best of people"

"Yha, I know, I don't want to burden you though with all that."

"Honestly, I want you to tell me. You have gone through so much and helped me through so much. I want to help you like you helped me. Your an amazing person harry and should also be able to vent to people, you can trust me, I promise."

He shuffles around for a bit and then starts playing with his hands.

"My aunt and uncle didn't even want me coming to this school. They tried everything, even went to a lighthouse so I wouldn't go. My uncle went a bit crazy.

They hate me.

⚠️slight mention of abuse⚠️
They locked me in a coat cupboard for 4 days without any food. They make me clean, cook, tidy all day when I'm not at school. I got hit, shoved, things thrown at me. One time my uncle threw me on my bed in anger and I hit my head and blacked out for god knows how long.

⚠️carry on⚠️
When I became 'harry potter' I felt so much pressure to be the perfect image
Everyone wanted to see I got trapped in this bubble of nothingness and emotionally broken.

And no one knew the horrors I've been through. In first year I was black mailed and tournament by the dark Lord and what I thought to be a trusted teacher. My second year I had kill a gaint snake. Third I not only found out I had a god father but that my parents best freind betrayed them.

In forth year I got set up to be in the tri-wizard tournament and then have to fight voldimort again and get the cruciatus charm on me, see a freind die. I've been through so much and the war hasn't even started yet.

I was so depressed and desperate for help but never knew how to ask. It caused me to have an eating disorder and starve myself, it felt like the only thing i could control in my life. If im having a bad day or week ill do it again to find that sence of balance.

Then I found out I was gay and because I was told growing up I needed to earn love and work for it, I didn't feel like I should tell anyone.

From my first year of living I have had to live in pain and abuse, all because I survived a killing curse my parents died for. Sometimes I wish it had killed me that night."

I just sort of look at him. Not knowing what to say or do. I never realised how bad it was and how he felt. I feel so awful for him. I stand frowning. I hug him.

I put my arms around his neck and his arms are around my waste. I hold him tight to let him know he's not alone and he slowly sinks in. I hear him start to sob quietly like he's trying to hold back tears.

"It's okay, I don't know what your going through but I can help and I'm always here for you, I hope you know that harry. Your so strong to go through all that alone, your so brave."

"Thank you" is all heard from him.

~~~~~~

I'm laying in bed and think to myself I'm so happy that I could help. Even its for a bit. I'm also glad I told him I'm gay. And he's gay, never saw that coming.

-964 words.