Forever Changed

Chapter 10: Desire and Disappointment

Angelique POV

I knew most people would think I was weak for agreeing to spend my wedding night with Mattia after what I'd learned today. Maybe I was. Rachael definitely didn't understand why I hadn't already run from the building, looking for the first lawyer I could find to help me annul our union. There were even parts of me that agreed with her. But for half my life I'd been raised to be this man's wife. To be his comfort and confidant, that kind of thinking was hard to dismiss in a single day.

If I was totally honest with myself there was also a part of me that wanted what tonight would bring. I was incredibly attracted to my husband. Our moments together these last three months had me ready for more. I was the last in my friendship circle to still be a virgin. It had been my choice to remain pure for my husband, and even with what I'd learned today I didn't regret it. My beliefs mattered to me. I wasn't the type of girl to have a one night stand, plenty of my friends had and I was all for female choice, but it just wasn't for me. Same reason I always felt it was pointless to have a relationship with anyone else - when I knew this day was coming. That didn't mean I wasn't looking forward to experiencing sex. Especially the kind of sex I knew Mattia could deliver.

Was he forgiven? No. Was a small part of me happy that he'd chosen me over her. Yes. Sad, but true. I liked that he wanted me. It gave me a smidge of satisfaction that she would know he was choosing me. If only for tonight.

Were we going to have words tomorrow about how his actions today had made me feel? Absolutely. Were we going to have words about him putting his mistress in her place? One hundred percent. I might have been raised to be a good wife, but I didn't think that meant I had to be okay with him publicly choosing his mistress over me like he had with the photo. That I wouldn't stand for. That showed disrespect to both me and my family. The role of wife and mother in our world was one that garnered respect. I might be embarking on a different marriage than I hoped yesterday, but I would still have a say in how I would be treated.

We'd also be having a conversation tonight about contraception and STDs. No way would I put myself or my future children at risk of disease. He'd be using condoms until he could show me a clean STD Test. He might not like it, but I wouldn't budge on this.

And tomorrow I'd be explaining that if he got another woman pregnant I'd be permanently moving into the spare room. My children would be the only Dicembre heirs, that was non-negotiable. My heart clenched thinking of him being with other women. It might be common but I didn't have to like it. My upbringing and affection for Mattia would only go so far. I would learn to tolerate it if needed, but I knew it would fundamentally change me.

"They're ready for you to cut your cake." Mia had finally returned and interrupted my spiralling thoughts. After I'd agreed to spend my wedding night with Mattia our group of four had moved to the side of the dance floor to cool down while Mia left to speak to the wedding coordinator. Mattia fetching me a water while Antony kept Rachael and I entertained with his usual antics, I'd actually been having a good time. He was my favourite of Mattia's brothers, always able to make me laugh.

I smiled at Mia as she looped her arm through mine. Both of us turning to inform my new husband we could get one of our last formal tasks underway, only to find him in a heated but softly spoken conversation with my best friend.

"She deserves better than you! You hurt her so much today I could punch you in the face. If I had my way she'd leave your cheating ass!"

I saw Mattia bristle at the mention of me leaving. A wife never threatened to leave. It was a huge affront for a man to have his wife leave him. It was incredibly rare, and usually only occurred in cases of abuse. The Elders would very occasionally grant permission for a wife to file for divorce. Even then some families would still shun her for bringing shame to their line. Marriage in our world was as the vows declared - til death do you part.

"Angelique will never leave me! Do not speak of this. You need to watch how you talk to me Rachael, I am not one of your college boys. I am having this conversation with you out of respect for your friendship with my wife. I know I hurt her earlier today and I am truly sorry, but I am trying to make it up to her. As for my behaviour prior to our wedding, that is not your business. I do not answer to you. Any conversations about my past indiscretions are between me and my bride."

Mattia's brother was frowning as he looked between the two of them. I wasn't oblivious to the way he'd been watching my bestie all evening and seeing her argue with his big brother was obviously unsettling. He and Mattia were close, all the brothers were and he wouldn't like someone publicly challenging him. It just wasn't done. Mia on the other hand looked sad. She idolised her brother and hearing about his past actions was obviously hard for her. I needed to stop this conversation before it escalated or someone else overheard them.

"Mattia it's time to cut the cake."

At the sound of my voice his head immediately turned my way and I saw the anger disappear from his face. Rachael gave me a tight lipped smile and walked past us all, heading towards where she knew the cake was set up. I could tell she was angry on my behalf, but I'd have to talk to her to ensure she didn't cause any problems.

"Excellent news sweet pea. Let's feed each other a bite of cake and then we can head out and truly start our life as husband and wife."

He took my hand firmly in his and with a quick kiss to the side of Mia's head separated me from her hold and walked us towards the cake table speaking quietly so only I could hear.

"I'm sorry if you are upset I was arguing with your friend, but she cannot speak of you leaving. You know this."

I felt my smile slip when I thought of someone overhearing her words. It would be a big problem and start rumours we did not need.

"I'll handle her. She just cares about me."

Having reached the cake stand Mattia turned me slightly off to the side and pulled me into his arms. Leaning his head down to speak quietly in my ear.

"I know she has reason to be angry with me. But this is not the forum for her to voice her opinion and honestly I don't owe her any explanations or apologies. They are yours. And Angelique I know my recent behaviour doesn't reflect it, but she's not the only one who cares about you. I do too. We can speak more when we are alone but I do apologise that today is not everything you dreamed of."

When he looked at me like he was now, with such kindness on his face, and spoke to me like I was important to him, my heart screamed for me to forgive him and go into my marriage with my heart wide open like it was yesterday.

But I was afraid. Afraid to let him in and risk getting hurt even more. And possibly worse, afraid of missing out on a real marriage if I didn't give us a chance.

How was it possible to both desire and be so disappointed in the same man?