Forever Changed

Chapter 29: Regrets and Reality

Mattia POV

(1 Year Married)

T/W Discussion of suicide, eating disorders

I'm washing my hands in my ensuite when I hear footsteps in my office. It must be one of my brothers or my father. Jaxon wouldn't enter my office without knocking and he wouldn't let anyone else into my space without announcing them first. 

"Mattia where are you?"

I hear Antony yell for me as I dry my hands. My youngest brother and I have had a difficult relationship since that day in the hospital when I fucked up my life. His loyalty to my wife has grated on me at times, that was when I wasn't admiring him for the backbone he had to stand up to his three older brothers. His loyalty to her never wavering. Angelique needed someone she could trust and sadly that was no longer me. My words had made sure of that. 

He lifted his head from his phone when I opened the bathroom door. 

"I've been trying to call you."

"I know. I was caught up with the Three since before eight this morning. What is it you need?"

He shoved his phone in his pocket before folding both arms across his chest. A defensive posture if I've ever seen one. 

"You need to be doing more to help your wife recover. You need to be home more. You need to make her leave the house. I've just left her after almost force feeding her a high dense nutrient shake I arranged from a dietician. She's lost so much weight her doctor is thinking of admitting her."

I felt bile crawl up my throat when I thought of how unwell Angelique looked these days. She basically refused to leave our room unless she went with Antony to visit my mother's grave. 

"What more can I do? She wants nothing to do with me. When I'm home she leaves the room if I walk in, that's if she's not asleep. All she does is sleep. I don't want to force my presence on her while she's still so fragile, I'm worried I'll make it worse."

I held my hands out in front of me, imploring him to tell me what to do. Clearly everything I was trying wasn't working. 

"Well maybe it's time you brought in a professional because I'm worried. I lost my temper with her this morning when she refused to take more than a few sips of her shake, and afterwards it was like she was a robot. Doing and saying the right things, but whatever is going on underneath is fucking scary."

I felt my nostrils flare when I thought of Antony yelling at my tiny wife. She was already so much smaller than him, but since the shooting she was almost fragile. When I thought of how I'd towered over her in the hospital and screamed at her I felt another piece of my heart fall away. When I held her at night when she was deeply asleep I could feel her hip bones. Where she'd once carried a decent amount of weight, giving her a beautiful soft feel to her body, she was now all hard angles and sharp lines. 

"What do you mean you yelled at her? Why would you do that?"

At my response I saw his own anger flare.

"Because nothing else is working! I've tried kindness. I've tried threats of feeding tubes. I've tried every flavour combination she loves, to try and tempt her. I've tried every single thing the therapist I've been consulting with suggested and she's not getting any better. The reality is she's wasting away in front of my eyes." 

I could see he was struggling to hold back tears. We didn't cry easily, so if he was this upset then things must be worse than I realised. 

"Fuck Antony. I knew she'd lost weight but are you saying you think she's suicidal?"