Forever Changed

Chapter 33: Memories and Mistakes

Angelique POV

(1.5 Years Married)

Note: Explicit talk of sex acts in this chapter

"I've spoken to you both individually about how today's session will proceed. I know it's going to be difficult for you, remember that feeling your emotions and crying are healthy. But if you need a break at any point please speak up. There's no rushing this. If it takes ten session, it takes ten sessions."

He was looking from Mattia to me, both of us were seated on the three seater sofa in his office. A large space between us. He was making it seem he was talking to both of us, but all three of us knew that I would be the one hearing things today that would hurt. Some might call it self destructive but I needed to know everything before I could proceed.

"Okay we'll start off with some history to help me understand what your marriage was like before the tragedy of the shooting occurred."

I saw Mattia nod out of my peripheral vision. I was staring at Baxter and nodded my acceptance too.

"Right. So I'm going to ask you both questions and you need to be honest with me, with yourself and also with each other. I will ask that you just sit and listen for now. There will be an opportunity for you to ask each other direct questions in later sessions, but I want to establish some information first. Some of these questions we have worked on individually, but today it's about sharing your answers with each other. Okay. Let's begin. Mattia tell me how you felt leading up to the wedding?"

I saw Mattia fidget on the lounge beside me but kept my focus on Baxter. My arms were folded and I could feel the tension in my body as I waited for his answer.

"I felt angry. It's no secret I didn't want this marriage. My father made it very clear with both his words and his fists that my wishes were irrelevant. Added to that was the problem we were having with the warehouses. I'd made suggestions of what we should do and my father was ignoring them."

Even though I already knew this, it still stung. I'd been this wide eyed twenty year old, engaged to the man of my dreams, ready to start our marriage, while he'd been basically dragged to the altar.

"While I'd enjoyed the engagement period with Angelique I still didn't think we were a good match long term. She had lived such a sheltered life and was so innocent that I worried whether she was strong enough to fill the position of my wife. This life isn't easy and my future role will require a woman by my side who is strong enough to handle the day to day politics of our world plus the darkness she'd often be exposed to. I needed a partner who can hold her own in social situations where she will be constantly on display and judged. I didn't think she was right for that role."

He wasn't saying anything I didn't know about being his wife. But what he didn't know was that I'd been raised to fill this role. Knew what to expect. My mother had ensured I was trained impeccably from a very young age. Maybe my life had been quiet and sheltered, compared to his, but I wasn't ignorant. I saw from the side of my eye that his hands were now on his thighs, his fists opening and closing as he spoke.

"I also worried whether we were compatible sexually. It's no secret I wasn't a virgin on our wedding night. Virtually no man is, the rules are very different for us. I don't regret my actions before our engagement because in my mind I was a single man and could fuck who I liked. The marriage pact was something I hated and hoped to escape, therefore I paid it no mind. But sitting here today, I realise the first apology I owe to my wife is for being unfaithful in those three months we were officially engaged. At that point we were truly promised to each other and I betrayed her. I'm sorry Angelique."