Forever Changed

Chapter 37: Cooking and Compromises

Angel POV

(1.5 Years Married)

Baxter had called an early end to our session today. Clearly reading that I'd reached my limit with Mattia's words. I wasn't up to diving any further into the aftermath of his night at the Club, I was simply not in the mental space to actively participate, so he was right to send us home.

His parting words were rolling round and round my brain.

"I know today was hard for both of you. Especially you Angel, but I do think it was beneficial. Your faces tell me you disagree, but from a therapy point of view we had a successful session. That day, the shooting and Mattia's actions that night, have been a huge stumbling block in your recovery Angel. You've worked incredibly hard in your solo sessions to process the grief and guilt you unnecessarily carry from losing both your child and your mother-in-law, but you could not progress in your recovery related to Mattia's actions without hearing his truths. As hard as today was, to hear the actual facts is far healthier than your wonderings."

He wasn't wrong but it didn't make me feel any better in that moment, the hurt from Mattia's actions was still too raw.

"And Mattia for you, being honest with Angel today was not how you were raised, being here at all is not how you were raised. If I'd asked you to share the facts of that night at the beginning of our therapy journey you would have lied. We both know it. So the fact you stuck to your commitment and told the truth today is a good thing. I know you hate that your words hurt her. Again. But the only way forward for the two of you is with honesty."

I couldn't help but to look to Mattia as he listened to Baxter. His jaw was held tight and he simply gave him a nod of his head to show he heard him.

"Angel before our couples session next week I'd like you to think about any other questions you might have for Mattia that relate to his infidelity that night. You can ask as many questions as you like to feel that you've got the truth you need to move forward. I think we've reached a point in our therapy where I'm comfortable for you to ask your questions directly. I will still pose my own questions, especially to start a session, but Mattia understands that your questions may not end for quite some time and I think this room is the best place for them for a while."

I hadn't spoken a word to Mattia since leaving the office. Not even my usual thank you when he helped me into the vehicle. I found I didn't have any words for him right now. As I thought over Baxter's words I agreed that part of me knew today would be awful, but to hear that Bess was one of the women he was with that night made things ten times worse. She was a deal breaker for me. Their past relationship made her feel like a threat. I'd have rather it was one of the other unknown women that marked his throat, the fact it was her made me want to claw her eyes out. Jealousy wasn't logical. Any woman was a betrayal but she was a special kind of betrayal. If I believed he was truthful today, which I think he was, his only saving grace was that he hadn't had sex with any of them, especially Bess. What he'd done was bad enough. My mothers teachings had made it so my bar for what to expect in my marriage was lower than it should be. What he'd done was definitely cheating in any infidelity rule book, but at least he hadn't completely betrayed me. I could sense his agitation, feel him darting looks my way the entire drive home, but he didn't speak and I kept my face turned to the passenger window.

When I saw the gates of the estate come into view I knew my time of solitude was up for now. His siblings would be gathered inside, ready for dinner. I'm certain it was deliberate that they all made sure to be home on the nights after our couples sessions. It was a comfort in that it enabled me to be in Mattia's space while I processed whatever we'd discussed that day, without having to interact with him directly. I appreciated their support.