The way he smiles at me makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter like an angry swarm, morphing into wasps stabbing me from the inside. The shine in his eyes of playful teasing makes my eyes swell with tears my heart leaking blood into my throat choking me. The crinkles by his nose when he laughs makes my bones vibrate beneath my skin. His smile forces my lips into a matching smile the dimples on my cheeks becoming visible. A usual sign of happiness felt forced on my skin, my body reacted to him immediately not allowing me a second to think, to scowl, glare, show him that I was no longer wrapped around his finger. But I was, god was I under his control, caught between his finger like a top to be spun. Making my brain unable to think for a second caught in a spinning, repetitive motion. Keeping me as a prize he's won, a toy to use for his own enjoyment. I would stay curled by his feet waiting, my life doesn't matter without his instruction, his master like tendencies. To grip me by scruff like an obedient mutt and throw me aside. Always within his reach to be used but not close enough to feel the warmth of his presence. Maybe I should be a vengeful dog, biting anyone who tried to show me kindness, to prove I was my own person had a thought about me, the unavailability of becoming another pet to be played with. But my heart was too full so desperate to feel warmth to be welcomed home into loving arms. But alas I am just a stray mutt left outside to starve with no master. Perhaps I am free this way, perhaps I am simply still owned by my first master until I learn to listen.
