I dream of you the types of dreams that make my heart stop and my hands shake. I dream of holding your hand I dream of that smile god your smile kills me every time I see it. I dream of you teaching me to skate I dream of your laughter as I do dumb stuff. I dream of laying with you tracing patterns into your hips. I dream of holding you close. I dream of your hugs that immediately calm me down and make me feel safe. Those are the dreams that make me want to get through the day.But I also dream of you frowning as I tell you I love you. I dream of you telling me to stop that you don't want me. I dream of you pushing me away. I dream of you turning away from me. These are the things that make me want to never wake up to never see you in person because what if it's real. I have never loved anyone not the way I feel about you and maybe it's not love maybe it's not an emotion that I can explain maybe it's blown out of proportion and I'm nothing but a broken girl looking for meaning . But god I want to know you I want to know what you think of the galaxy I want to know what you look like when you wake up I want to know your favorite book and the words on the pages that held your attention. I want to know what you think of the ocean and of the sky above. I want to know you better than myself. I want to feel your lips against mine your hand held in mine I want to see that smile that makes me feel like I'm finally home. I want to know why I feel so deeply for you why my soul aches why my bones feel hallow and I can feel my heartbeat in my fingertips. I want you to know how much time I waste a day thinking of you I want you to know how many nights I've cried myself to sleep desperate to feel your touch. How I'm sobbing as I write this how I'll never actually tell you this
