Carnage (Vol.1)

Chapter Twenty-Four : Fleeting

megumi's pov

Alpha men and women got to use me as their sex toy for a night. Mostly, the payment was somewhere for me to sleep because I didn't want to return to whatever hellhole I was temporarily placed at. Other times, they gave me money too. I didn't refuse it but every time, it woke me up. When the money was handed to me by someone who now looked at me coldly or as if I was some pathetic puppy, it brought me back to my reality. This person didn't care about me, I was just someone for them to play with and to me, they were just... a customer, of sorts.

Deep down, I knew what I really wanted. I let these men and women, these boys and girls, play me like a little puppy because I wanted to feel loved. The flattering words, the feverish touches so desperate for me... wasn't that... I mean, isn't that love? It is, isn't it? It's fleeting love and it felt euphoric every time. Even if they treated me roughly, making me bleed or bruise, or worse if they were overly sweet as they stripped parts of me that could never be gained back.

It's why I enjoyed the attention of others, whether they were my age or much older. They always knew I wasn't legal yet, but I never said anything, and it never stopped them. I told myself it was fine, I played it off like it was normal because it had become normal for me.

But, with Sukuna beside me, his warmth comforting... I now know that it wasn't okay. I am not okay. I was such a fool to be so delusional into believing that receiving such attention made me someone special. If I didn't have that one-time sex rule with someone, then I'd continue to be dragged around by them. The one they call because they know I'm someone with zero self-respect and can be bought easily.

Even now I can remember moments when someone from the past was captivated by me. In awe of the young, carefree omega to the point it made them salivate and become desperate. I took everything they were willing to give, and it always made me feel emptier. So, I did find myself looking forward to whoever was brave enough to lure me into their trap. To use me, making me unable to think and drown into the pleasure or the pain. Then, I'd get to sleep, and I always felt briefly disappointed when I woke up. If only I hadn't. If only I had died silently in my sleep after hearing those deceptive words of adoration and getting to feel numb from the sex.

Sukuna is the only one who has been interested in me sexually and become so... infatuated. Devoted? To want more, to want to be there for me for all the moments.

I don't deserve it. I'm too afraid for it, it's why this can't work. He can hate me, everyone in the world can... I doubt there is anyone who could hate me more than I hate myself.

I finish dressing, relieved that Sukuna is still fast asleep. I don't have it in me to tell him to his face, I'm far too much of a coward. I do better on my own and now that I know Tsumiki is safe, I just have to complete my promise to Shoko before ditching this place.

As I leave the bedroom, Satoru leaves his room at the same time. We both briefly freeze, the awkwardness still remaining. He said hurtful things and I am aware his emotions got the better of him so I don't take any of it to heart but I know he's still bothered by his actions. I move forward first, just wanting to exit the room.

"Hey... Megumi?" He calls, hesitant. I pause, closing my eyes and letting out a sigh. I turn to him, pitying Satoru. He looks like a wounded pet, as if I was the one who caused the fight. Maybe in some way, it was my fault. I realize that my forced ignorance about what could go wrong in our relationship ended up hurting him and I deeply regret it. I should never have slept with him but if I say that, it'll only worsen how he feels.

"I forgive you, Satoru and... just, um, know that I'm sorry, okay?"

I've never been good at apologizing; I always feel so strange when I try to open up and admit my wrongs. It feels similar to being vulnerable and... I don't like being that way. Not with people I see often. Not with people who truly know me.