Like Father Like Son

Chapter 4 Kim Ruzek

Nothing terrifies me more than seeing an unmarked car in my driveway, four years may have passed but my heart still aches for him.

I can fake my way through the day, Liam and Dani keep me fairly busy. My sweet Adam keeps me on my toes, no matter how hard I try I can't seem to break down the walls he's built since Adam was killed.

The anger just rolls off him in waves, every other word out of his mouth an obscenity he's much like how Sean was when he first joined our family. Though, I wouldn't dare tell Adam that, for whatever reason Sean catches the brunt of his anger.

I can hear Dani greet Sean and Kevin.

"Mom, where are you?" I can hear Sean calling for me, Kevin being silly causing Dani to burst out into a fit of giggles.

"What are you guys doing here?" I hug Kevin "hey Kevin, how are you?"

"I'm good Kim, you?"

I hate that question, no one really wants the truth. They don't want to hear that most nights I cry myself to sleep, or that Dani crawls in bed most nights wanting to know why her daddy had to leave. Don't even get me started on Adam, I listen outside his door when he thinks I'm in bed, it rips my heart apart to hear him cry. Liam, I don't think he really understood what happened, I catch him sometimes looking for his daddy out back or he will go in the garage and sit on the tailgate of Adam's truck. I think he is hoping if he sits still long enough Adam will come home.

I do the easiest thing for all parties when I answer that question "I'm fine" I always smile, though it's transparent everyone knows it, we all just ignore it.

"Mom, do you know Adam is smoking?" Sean tells me, I'm so thankful for him. He's been the glue that has held us together, Dani thinks he hung the moon, Liam is comforted by him, his resemblance to Adam the reason.

"What do you want me to do about it Sean?" I've fought this battle with Adam too many times, "I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't listen" like father like son, I suppose he's as stubborn as a mule.

"He's out of control mom, we need to do something"

I've heard this lecture from my parents, they moved back after Adam was killed and Lou 'disappeared' which if I know Al and Hank even half as well as I think I do, he's dead. "Sean, I don't know what to do with him"

"Is this another, 'let's save Adam', meeting?" Adam asks as he comes inside "I don't need to be saved, so quit trying" the slamming of his door adding the exclamation point.

My sweet little boy has turned into an angry bitter teenager, no one but Al on occasion get past his defenses. I want nothing more than to hold him in my arms until those walls crumble, but he won't allow it. Sometimes I see glimpses of that little boy, Liam usually bringing out the best in Adam.

"I'm sorry Mom, I hope I didn't make it worse" Sean pulls me in his arms, he still wears the same cologne as Adam did, the scent comforting.

"It's okay, thanks for stopping by, please be careful" I know he cringes every time I say it but it's ingrained in me, I can't lose him too.

"Take care of my baby Kevin" I smile, and I know he will, Kevin would give his life for my son.

"You know I will Kim" he smiles, and Sean blushes.

"Mom, you may have missed it but I'm a big boy now"

They leave and my nerves won't calm until I know Sean is at his apartment safe and sound,I'm hoping each day gets easier. Liam finally comes inside, I can hear him knock on Adam's door, and Adam welcomes him inside. What I would give to have Adam let me in again, to let me help him.

My parents have moved in, my dad having an extension built on I don't think I would have gotten to this point with out them. It helped soften the blow when Sean moved out last year, the kids like it, even Adam.

My dad and Adam have a pretty strong bond, and it surprises me that he can't get through to Adam, I think my dad still feels guilty for his role in Adam's death and his involvement with Lou.

I don't blame him though, the person I blame is Hank Voight. Kevin asked for them to move in that night, and he had them wait. If they would have moved in, Adam may still be here, but no, he waited and now my family is shattered because of it.

I don't know how Sean can look that man in the eye, the simple sight of him makes me want to vomit.