Do you still cry? //Billie Eilish

withdrawl

Beginning of September 2023:

-Lisa's pov- 

Since returning from London, I haven't gotten a single text back from Billie. At first, I was worried about her. I assumed that her trip home didn't go as planned or, even worse, that something had happened to her. I tried calling her for four days in a row but she never picked up the phone. I texted her a shit load of messages but not a reply. I don't know if she read them because she turned her reading receipt off. My worry turned into anger when she started posting stories on Instagram again. She seemed to be doing just fine. 

I was ashamed to say it, but she officially played me. After spamming her for two days, I started accepting that she didn't want to hear from me.

 A week went by, and still no reply. I decided to text her one last time because I was out and drunk that night and felt fucking hurt. I just didn't get why she would ghost me out of nowhere. I don't know what I expected to happen after our stay in London, but it for sure wasn't going to be simply getting cut out of her life instantly and completely left with nothing, not even a goodbye message. 

Sometimes I'm sad we only met during the summer

 Never saw me in a puffer jacket, with red cheeks,

 cold hands holding onto yours.

Never saw you taking off your scarf, 

two blankets on the couch.

 And that makes me wonder: 

What if in winter you would have liked me 

enough

After hitting send, I felt my stomach turn. 

I wasn't able to eat for a couple of days because I felt so sick about the whole situation. I was disgusted by the fact that I was that intimate with somebody who apparently didn't give a single fuck about me. 

I'm not going to lie, but it has been tough for me. It felt like I had an actual breakup with somebody I dated for years, although that wasn't the case. 

Billie was just a summer fling, and it was stupid of me to think she could be more than that. Plus, she is one of the most famous people, so it was stupid of me to think she would want to be with me for real.

Summer was officially over, and she was gone.

I was not going to pretend I was okay, but I decided just to take it day by day. I went to work, went on my stupid little walks to support my mental health, and FaceTimed Hannah a lot. My friends wanted to hang out, but I declined and told them I was too busy. I couldn't handle socializing right now. 

The only thing that distracted me from feeling like shit was the fact that Elias (the guy from my hometown) texted me randomly a few days ago, and we've been in contact quite a lot since. 

Talking to other people was the only thing that helped me overcome a heartbreak. Don't judge me.

It was just super casual texting, but it still lifted my mood a lot. He told me he would be starting his studies in the city in October, so I told him where to look for an apartment and gave him some tips on scoring good grades in university assignments, etc.  

He was thankful for my tips and offered to take me out for dinner once he came to Vienna for the apartment hunt. I happily accepted his invitation and offered to help him get used to life here, show him the campus, and take him to a few parties of my friend group.

I still felt fucking sad about Billie ignoring me, especially at nighttime. It hurt like a bitch to think about her, but things were starting to improve a little, at least. 

I ate for the first time in days when one of my friends came over and brought me some Avocado Makis and a Coke Zero, so I took that as a bit of success.

I went to bed that night and decided to just accept the fact that Billie, at the end of the day, was a celebrity who didn't give an actual fuck about a random person like me. 

Max also texted me again and asked for us to finally talk. I let him know that I was done being pissed at him and that we could go back to normal when we saw again, but I was just too busy with work right now. In reality, I didn't want to meet up and have that awkward convo about something now irrelevant to me. 

Hannah visited on the weekend, which meant a lot to me. She was and always will be the one person I can truly be myself around.  I sobbed in her arms for a solid two hours, but eventually, she got me to stop and gave me an empowering speech. 

She told me I can't control how other people perceive me or how they behave towards me, only my actions. She explained that getting over Billie wouldn't be too hard because I'd never bump into her when she was nine thousand kilometers and one ocean away from me. 

She also made me unfollow Billie on all social media channels, including her Finsta. I knew how unfollowing that one account meant never being able to see what she was up to again. Fuck it. I didn't like the person she was, and I didn't even want to know what she did anyway.

After the weekend with Hannah, I was finally doing better. We spent so much quality time together. We even went clubbing, but I didn't enjoy it much, so we left the club relatively early, bought two Happy Meals, and watched Gossip Girl instead.  

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