Do you still cry? //Billie Eilish

Happy New oh fuck

Last 5 chapters guys :D This was fun writing but I have too much real-life shit to do and no more time for writing fanfiction. Currently writing my thesis and running my first half marathon in three weeks. Thanks for reading! I hope my English wasn't too bad it's not my first language so yeah. K, bye! 

December 26th:

-Billie's pov-

My spirits have been on the rise these past few days, ever since Lisa chose to forgive me for doing her wrong on my birthday. I knew why she had every right to be upset with me, though.

Anyway, I was just happy that we were talking again. We've been texting a lot and FaceTimed a few times. It felt so good to lay my eyes on her again, even though it was just through the screen.

I've taken up therapy sessions again. Even if it wasn't mentally depressed too much at the moment I find myself struggling with the expression of my emotions from time to time. I just felt like I sometimes struggle with communicating my feelings. It frustrates me to see how Lisa handles problems we have in our relationship way better, and, overall, she seems to be so happy and motivated to do shit all the time. 

Don't get me wrong; I want her to be happy, but at the same time, there is this urge inside of me to see her vulnerable and to be her solace. I realized how that is a super toxic trait of mine, so soon after these thoughts started occurring more often, I decided to book an appointment with the same therapist I've been seeing for years but stopped visiting regularly because I was doing much better. 

I told Lisa that I started going to therapy again, and she was very supportive of it. I did keep from her the real reason why I was going (it would have been a little weird to tell her I like seeing her sad, lol), so I just lied and said I was struggling with fame and my depression again. Maybe I should have come up a different lie because she started to worry a lot about me. 

I liked getting that extra attention from her, though, because I was offended that she needed all that distance from me the past two weeks. I don't know why maybe I was just butt hurt. 

I was going to have my first appointment with my therapist the next day, and I was going to continue the sessions over Zoom once I was back with Lisa in Europe in the new year. 

However, I had plans to go out with my friends that day, which I was super hyped about already. We decided to do pre-drinks at my place and get ready together before heading into town later.

-Lisa's pov-