I woke up because the sunlight was hitting my face. As soon as I realized that I was awake, my eyes started tearing up. I was doing miserably. Yesterday's dinner was gut-wrenching. I tried to explain to Lisa that I wanted to make this work, but she wasn't interested in me anymore.
Honestly, I think I could have somehow made long-distance work. I would have found a way if it meant having her as my girlfriend; I knew that.
She, however, didn't trust me anymore and didn't want to try, which I kind of understood after what I had done to her.
It was devastating for me to see how mature she handled the whole situation. She didn't seem mad anymore. She explained everything to me super calmly and told me why this wouldn't work out. She held my hand when I started tearing up to show her sympathy. It reminded me of how I just left her crying on the beach in Portugal when she tried to apologize to me.
I wasn't good enough for her; honestly, even I thought she deserved better than that.
I felt so alone in this big hotel room in a city I've never been to. Man, I just wanted to have Lisa by my side. I just wanted to lie next to her, look at her pretty face, and kiss her.
I pulled out my phone and watched my story for the 30th time in the past 12 hours. I don't know why I decided to post her. Maybe I just had a spark of hope that she'd text me when she saw it. She didn't.
Zoe called me yesterday evening when she saw the story, though. I thought that she was gonna be pissed at me for being with Lisa, but she wasn't. She just asked how it went and I cried on FaceTime for about 15 minutes straight before even being able to tell her how I got full-on rejected.
I ordered porridge, which was the only vegan option at the hotel. It's kind of insane to only offer that for vegans in 2023, but whatever. I wasn't really hungry anyway, so I only ate about half of the serving.
I watched TV for a while because I always find what airs in other countries interesting. That kept me entertained for a solid 15 minutes before I got sad again. Wow.
Then Finn called me. He asked me how I was doing and wanted me to update him. At least I didn't start to cry this time, but he still noticed how devastated I was. I told him what happened yesterday and asked for his advice.
"Being rejected always sucks Billie. But if you tried your best and she still doesn't want you, then maybe it's time to accept that and come back home.", he said.
"Or fucking fight for what you love, "I heard Claudia yell in the background. "Stop lying around and find a way to make it work. The lack of love is not the problem. I spent enough one-on-one time with Lisa to know she likes you. A lot."
She was right. She was fucking right. I didn't fight for her. I was just being a pussy who accepted being rejected.
"Thanks, Claudia. That's all I needed. Bye, guys, I gotta go."
"Billie, what are you doi-" I heard Finneas say shortly before I ended the call.
Claudia was right. I needed to fight for her, there was no way around that. I fucked up big time so I got to try harder than just take her out to dinner and beg her to be with me.
I knew what I had to do, and in my head, only one option remained.
I called my P. A. and scheduled an urgent meeting with the most important people on my team in one hour. I felt a little bad about it because it was already 11 p.m. in L.A., and I didn't want them to lack sleep, but I had to jump on a call with them.
I spent the whole day getting my plan all set up, which was super stressful.
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September 20th (next day):
-Lisa's pov-
I was done with work at 2 p.m. Today, I was very, very close to having a verbal meltdown with my boss. I was so fed up with her bullshit. I kept my composure, though.
Anyway, I went home and made myself some feta tomato pasta. Yeah, that's the one recipe that's been trending three years ago. I still had it regularly; I was committed to that dish, lol.
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Today was Billie's departure day, so I tried not to think about that too much, which didn't work out too well. Id seen my story, saw that she ha so I knew she was not up in the air yet.
Once my pasta was finished, I ate and had a Coke Zero with that. That combo just hit every time. I ate two servings of it and then laid down on my couch to take some time to digest. I put on some music. Of course, Male Fantasy had to come on. Fucking shuffle mode. I skipped the song and just scrolled through my feed a little.
Suddenly I heard my doorbell ring. "I should really calm down with ordering clothes," I told myself since I was expecting my second delivery this week from my favorite clothing brand.
