Scars(Ethan & Grayson Dolan)

Chapter 1 part 1

TRIGGER WARNING -please don't not read this if you're experiencing self harm or any detrimental thoughts

THIS STORY IS BASED IN THE UK

Hi I'm Sidney lewis and this is my story

"Its not fare" i pout getting out the car

"Nothing is fare in life " my mum says admiring the new tall block of flats

"Shut up at get used to it" Paul says (mums drunk boyfriend)

I take out my teddy bears and my secret box of blades and lighters (which is in side the teddy)

We get in the dirty lift the smells like piss and go to floor fourteen door seven and back to square one I've been through this seven times this year and its only May i go to the smaller room and put down my teddy i head back down to the car for my clothes and shoes after a while everything is set up and they both go back to old ways getting drunk for no reason

Normally I would got to the local park and cut and cry but I have no keys and haven't seen a park on the way here i sit on the end of my bed rocking back and forth muttering about them getting drunk and scratching my arms since i cant cut

I look at the time as my belly rumbles I'm kinda glad they don't feed me sometimes as I'm fat i go towards the sitting room where they have passed out

I take their keys and leave not taking my teddy as all i want is food i find a chicken and chip shop at the end of the road where i will be eating from most of the time i put my hands in my pocket taking out a two pound coin

I get my food and sit by the curb rethinking life
Like
•why am i here
•whats the point
•why is Paul alive
•will i fit in at school tomorrow
•why does my mum not see the douche in Paul

Oh yeah well i have school tomorrow and I know for a fact that i am not going to fit in I'm quiet I don't like people touching me i like black eyeliner and the whole gothic makeup look with my hair in messy buns

But im not goth I quite like my Ariana grande / Beyonce/Rihanna type music

I never fit in with the crowd i just don't see the point in all of it all i go to school because i want to feel normal but I never do i feel like an out cast I'm not smart enough I'm not able to get anywhere
Cause

I HATE ME

And if i hate myself how is anyone else meant to like me most people hated me just for the fact I didn't speak

Others said i was
Weird
A Loner
A Emo
A Goth
A creep

All because I didn't talk

I got all my thoughts together and stood up from the curb walking slowly towards my house or flat (you guys understand) i get to the door debating whether to go in not i look at my watch as its five past nine i go in i have no idea where i am in London right now so best just say close by and go in

I smile to myself as my mum and paul are at each others throats shouting at each other I smile because this is literally my life as well as they wouldn't even know that i was gone I could be gone for a week they won't care i go back to my room and slam the door

I really can't wait till tomorrow i just need to get away my old house was next door to a park to I would just escape to the field talking to myself and complaining

I take out my school clothes and lay them out it looked pretty good it was a black blazer with a black tie and a black skirt this will go well with my makeup I thought trying to find my make up bag its all cheap superdrug brand products but when i get money i will get the nice brands

I get out my diary from my backpack as they start to shout louder at each other i write anything that comes to mind mostly things about the death penalty for killing Paul he needs to die my mother was never like this

Not that it was perfect

But it was better we lived in a house not a dirty flat and my mum worked i got pocket money to get makeup but she did have her drink not an alcoholic but a Friday night drink that led to her going to bars and pubs to drink then Paul came along

i never liked him but there was always that one guy for the week for them to then have enough of her and move on but it had been two weeks the three then when i was used to him he left i was happy because my mum didn't need a man she was my mum she was amazing then the fucking ass came back i tried to make life in my house a living hell for him putting pins on his seat putting cat milk in his tea using a horn to wake him up putting perfume on him so my mum would think he was with someone else i through my dictionary at him a few times while he was sleeping for some fucked up reason he stayed and started to change all his adresses to my house so we started getting all his mail and drugs ohh yeah he smokes weed which luckly for us its ILLEGAL he keeps getting plant sent to the house making us have to run from area to area this time is the last i will make sure

he will be killed if he does it again

I will make sure of that