I shattered my own soul

Always

I always thought I enjoyed living

But if the lights go out and I am alone my mind knows me too well

It tells me the things of which I'm afraid of

It knows me through and through and it goes in and on about everything I'll never be

Or all the things I regret being

Always the ocean, never the waves

Always the puppet, never a human

Always a adult, never a child

Always searching, never found

Always healing, never healed

Always surviving, never living

Always pretty, never beautiful

Always understanding, never understood

Always helping, never helped

Always a healing, never healed

Always trying, never enough

Always the writer, never the muse

And I promise that one day I will say it all out loud

I will I am alright and I will mean it

And on the flip side

I like the way I am 

But I don't know why I am this way

And sometimes, just sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to be somebody else