I shattered my own soul

Fathers

Fathers

In the animal kingdom most seem to be indifferent to their children

Still I imagine a world that we would not be us

And we would love eachother

And say that 

How many sons have been afraid to love

How many daughters have wished to be sons

She hates the cruelty of not being him

But the truth is a son will love cruelty too

The cruelty is all he gets from his father

And a daughter will hate love all the same 

Or cruelty

But still we try because there is so much to gain

And so little to lose

We already lost sight of our dignity 

The disappointment

The dismay

The silent disapproval

Suffocating you like the old scarves your grandmother knit for you

She did love you, so you might even deserve love

Do you?

You've learnt to doubt it

But you still can't let it go

Ageless

Genderless

Indiscriminately 

When somebody hates you you wish to stop loving them

Your heart will silently oblige by every person, a friend, a distant relative or a lover

Perhaps you'll smile thinking about the memories

But giving them the benefit of the doubt

No

Humans are too paranoid for that

It is only family where he hesitates

Because what if he did not mean it? 

The angry melody containing your name that your father whispers to his friends 

You hope they are the tales of the times he was proud

Not the insults you know by heart

I promise I imagined your death 

I imagined freedom and perhaps relief

Than tell me

Why do I grieve

For the man who would never grieve for me....

You ruined me

In loving memory, the coward that can't apologise