𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐒 ━━ SARAH CAMERON

43

SARAH FOUND HERSELF in the confines of her room, engaging in an activity she never thought she would succumb to: playing video games.

With a heavy heart, she sought solace in this desperate attempt to distract herself from what happened. However, she soon realised that it was a very stupid attempt of distraction when all it made her think about was Kaden for he was the one who she had bought this console for, and he was the one who made her like video games in the first place.

With a heavy sigh of frustration, she reluctantly set the gaming controller aside and allowed her exhausted body to collapse onto her bed. The deep sense of confusion and sadness overwhelmed her as she desperately tried to comprehend where things had gone astray. Every aspect seemed to be falling into place so flawlessly between her and Kaden, leaving her utterly perplexed.

They had kissed which only fueled their existent connection that couldn't be denied. They had started to converse more somewhat intimately. The hours spent engaging in video games together had become a cherished ritual, a time when she eagerly awaited his presence. And surprisingly, he had stopped objecting to her presence in his house during his absence, a clear sign of growing comfort and trust.

Yet, despite all these positive signs, she couldn't shake the disheartening feeling that something was amiss. The weight of unspoken secrets and unfulfilled desires hung heavily in the air, casting a dark cloud over what had initially promised to be a blissful connection. As she laid there, the weight of her unexpressed emotions cloaked her in a suffocating blanket, stifling her ability to understand and rectify the situation.

She was confused, hurt but she also felt stupid for thinking he felt anything for her. She didn't blame him though, it wasn't his fault. She thought she misread the whole situation.

The sound of someone knocking on her window snapped her eyes open. She furrowed her brows, wondering whether she heard properly. Her suspicions were confirmed when she heard it again causing her heart to race in her chest. With a mix of anxiety and anticipation, she sprang out of bed and hurriedly made her way towards the window. Gently, yet urgently, she pushed aside the curtains, revealing the last person she thought she'd see.

Her eyes widened with disbelief and a myriad of emotions flooded her being as she stared at the person standing outside. A knot formed in her throat, making it difficult to find her voice, but she managed to open the window, inviting him into her room. She stepped aside, her gaze fixated on him, as he effortlessly crossed the threshold without uttering a single word.

"What are you doing here?" Sarah asked as she made her way back towards her bed, sat down on the edge and kept her eyes fixed on him. She didn't know how, but he managed to get hotter every time. She shook those thoughts away, there was never going to be anything between them so she might as well stop thinking about him in that way.

"I wanted to talk," he responded, leaning against the wall beside the window.

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

He raised a brow, then pointed a finger in the direction of the window, "you shouldn't have let me in then."

"I—" she sighed which followed by a groan, "I have no idea why I did that."

"It doesn't matter," he muttered. "Look, I want to apologise if I hurt you in any way. I didn't mean to."

"It's fine," her tone said it was anything but. "It's not your fault my stupid self misread everything."

"You aren't stupid," he was quick to object, a frown appearing on his lips. "And you didn't misread anything."

"You said it meant nothing," Sarah felt the need to remind him, feeling as confused as ever. "I'm not the one time and done with kinda girl, you know that. Clearly, I misread the whole situation." She shook her head. "I thought we were going somewhere."

Kaden ran a hand through his hair, feeling like ripping them off his head with the amount of frustration he was feeling. He wanted her so bad, but there were too many things that could go wrong. He was lying to himself when he said Ward was the only reason he couldn't be with her. He didn't want to think about it, but he could no longer deny it. There was another reason— another obstacle that was in his way and that was himself.

"We were," he found himself saying making her eyes flicker to his with a silver of hope in them. "We were?"

He nodded with a hum as he sat down on the ground, his back against the wall and propped one knee up. Sarah watched him carefully, her head tilted to the side as she asked, "but what happened? Is it because of your weird hatred for my dad?"

"That's one of the reasons, yes."

"Well, you don't have to worry about him. It's not like I expect you to like him or anything," she said making him internally sigh. If only she knew. "What's the other reason?"

"I've never been with someone. . ." He paused, "emotionally."

"You've never dated?" She was surprised by that and didn't bother hiding it.

"No," he shook his head. "I'm just. . . This whole feeling shit is all very new to me. I've never felt anything when I kissed people in the past. But—" he looked at her, "with you, it was different." He shot her a look, "I felt way too many shit."

Sarah bit down on her lower lip to prevent the smile that was threatening to break out to show. "So you're scared?"

"I don't know," he exhaled. "Maybe."

"So. . ." she trailed off. "You like me, then?"

"Obviously."

"Good," she let out a relieved sigh. "Because I like you too. But I can tell you're holding something back." She turned to fully face him, her brows knitted. "What is it?"

"It's been years since I've been with a girl." He blurted out, yet again taking her aback. "You mean, physically?"

"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "I mean, I did things but never went all in— if you know what I mean."

"Why's that a problem?" She couldn't understand. "Afraid you won't meet my expectations?"

He scoffed, "trust me, sweetheart, I'll raise your expectations if anything." Her face reddened at his words. She figured that out already. "But it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

He went silent. And she didn't press for the longest time, she only sat there and stared at him. She could see the wheels turning in his head, debating on whether he should tell her or not. He had never told this to anyone before.

"It's fine," she mumbled after a while of silence. "You don't have to tell me—"

"I might as well. I'm gonna have to, eventually." Feeling his chest suddenly tightening, Kaden took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. Sarah watched as he leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes as if he was relieving some type of memory. She didn't say a word, giving him time as she figured it wasn't anything good.

And when he finally spoke, she wished he hadn't told her.