Save me •Chaelisa

cuts

*TRIGGER ALERT*

Pov Roseanne Park
2 days before

- Can you keep this door open? - I heard my mother say nervously as she entered my room.

- It's open. - I said, putting the pillow over my face as she opened the windows to let the light in.

- It was closed. - She removed the pillow from my face and handed me a pill and a plastic cup.

I gave the glass back to her after swallowing the medicine and she left. I went to the door quietly, closing it behind me.

I opened my wardrobe and took out a towel and a piece of glass that I had kept from the window. I looked at them with a few scratches on the top, a few days ago it rained so hard that the glass cracked, my mother glued the pieces together but then a few pieces fell off.

My whole room was locked, in front of the glass window there used to be two bars but they had rusted and my parents had ordered new ones, I was forbidden to go out without company. I had left hospital but I was still locked up, the only difference was that I was at home.

I went into the bathroom, took off my dress and sweatshirt, stared at the fresh cuts on my stomach and ran my finger along them, feeling the relief on my fingers.

I looked at my body in the mirror, I'd never been able to see it as a beautiful body, since the abuse I'd suffered I'd changed the way I saw myself and the way I thought, things that couldn't be overcome or taken back.

It was tiring pretending to get better, I hadn't achieved anything good when I left the hospital, I thought I would get better but all I managed to do was stay doped up most of the time and come back with my cuts, after I told them about the abuse no one who knew me insisted on seeing my body anymore, and that stopped them from seeing the cuts too.

I turned on the water in the bath, sat down on the floor without any clothes on, stared at the glass in my hand, stretched out my leg and made a cut from the bottom up.

I did the same to the inside of my thigh, and the drops of blood littered the bathroom floor. I made another cut near my belly, and ended up opening an older cut that had almost healed.

My mind was no longer understanding this as relief, as it usually did, and I found myself with nothing to ease the pain.

I put the glass aside and began to cry desperately, hiding my face between my legs and feeling the blood trickle out slowly.

I hit my head on the wall behind me, feeling unbearable pain, but it was still no greater than all that emotional pain, nothing could be greater.

Not even if my body was being crushed by something very heavy would the pain not be greater.

I remembered the last conversation I'd had with Jisoo, where she'd confessed that Lisa had left the case because they no longer agreed on my treatment, the only person who'd really wanted to help me.