Save me •Chaelisa

request

Pov Lalisa Manoban

You could see Rose through the glass, which made me think that her privacy no longer existed, everything was watched and there were cameras in the room.

I walked into the room and heard the noise of the TV, which was on and I couldn't see anything on the screen. Rose turned her attention away from it and leaned her face against the pillow, she wasn't completely lying down.

I approached her bed, taking a closer look at her pale face, her lips were bruised with bright red marks, she had certainly been biting them, her eyes were much deeper than the last time I had seen them.

She had her hand on the blanket, sinking her fingernails into her bandaged fingers. She was trying to hurt herself any way she could.

- The cat ate her tongue. - she spoke for the first time in a harsh voice.

- I see how you are.

- Worse than last time.

- It's understandable considering what happened.

- Can you get me out of here? - Rose was very angry at that moment, I could see it in her voice, in the gestures of her body.

- This is unfortunately out of my hands, how are you feeling?

- Are you serious? - he said, laughing and nodding. - How do you think I'm feeling, a useless failure at everything I set out to do?

- You're angry, very angry.

- Yes, they're lucky I'm stuck here.

- Who are they?

- My family. - he said, raising his fingers and making quotation marks when he said family.

- What would you do if you weren't here?

- I'd slit my throat in front of them. - Rose sank her fingernail further into her finger, undoing the bandage, which went from white to red in seconds.

I was bleeding, I didn't warn Emma, I didn't have much time.

- Have you ever thought that this revenge would only bring pain to them and consequently to you?

- It's their fault I feel this way, they locked me in here. - Rose began to raise her voice, she was trembling and tears began to roll down her face. - They left me here to die for good, only little by little, and that's cruel.

- Have you ever stopped to think that this is what your mind thinks, it's not reality.

- Reality is shit. - he shouted again.

- I understand why you think that, when nothing goes the way you want it to, that's how it feels.

- It doesn't matter. - Rose laid her head back on the pillow and stared into the void, her body less rigid, her chest rising and falling too quickly. - They're not going to get what they want, I'm not going to live, they'd better get used to the idea soon.

- Why did you call me while you were in crisis? - she didn't answer and continued to stare into the void. - It's okay if you don't feel comfortable telling me.

- Have you ever come face to face with death?

- No, I've never been.

- You feel your body give way, your muscles relax and your eyes start to feel heavy.

People's voices become distant, your chest, which was tight before, relaxes too, suddenly the pain goes away, existence no longer hurts because you no longer exist, until you wake up in a hospital, open your eyes and feel all that bad feeling come back, the pain in your chest, the pain of existing, the pain of being inside your mind, you hear that you'll get better, that the medicines will help, that everyone is there for you and for a moment you believe that there really is a cure for all the suffering, until you're sitting there again with a pack of pills in your hands, I called you because I had that feeling that maybe I could get better, but the other part said it was impossible, so it won for the tenth time.

- Did that feeling, which passed even briefly, bring you relief in any way?

- It did, for a few very short seconds, but the certainty that I couldn't take it anymore was stronger.

- Have you had this feeling before?

- No, and I know what you're getting at.

- What am I getting at?.

- You're going to say I still have a chance, seconds mean nothing.

- Seconds saved your life, are you sure it didn't mean anything?

- The only thing I'm sure of is that I want to die.

- If you were sure, would you have called me?

- I don't know. - she looked at me again. - Why don't you do like the others and give up on my case?

- Because I took an oath, and I've dealt with many problems just like yours.

- Bullshit, if I had, I'd know what to do, no one can help me.

- I can prove it to you if you let me come back.

- You're not going to give up anyway?

- No. - she looked at me again with a less heavy gaze; in any case, she had got a lot off her chest, even if she hadn't realized it.

That was a breakthrough.

- You can go back, it won't make any difference
really.

- So I'll see you soon.

- I only accept your visit on one condition.

- You're not in a state of existing conditions, you know that.

- Please, Lisa. - I felt his fingers around my wrist taking my attention, they were rough from the numerous bandages but his palm was still soft.

She didn't squeeze my wrist, she just held it, preventing me from leaving, Rose stared at me so deeply afterwards that it was hard not to feel trapped there.

- I can't promise you anything, but you can talk.

- I want to leave the room.

- That's impossible as long as I keep promising to take your life at any opportunity, apart from the fact that you refuse to eat which makes you weak, you wouldn't even be able to walk to the door.

- If I eat again, can you leave the room with me?

- I said I can't promise anything, but if you eat again we can start thinking about it.

- You're just like them. - he said, letting go of my wrist and breaking eye contact.

- What do you mean?

- I don't know if anyone's noticing but I don't have that much time left, I'm going to stay here and starve to death of a heart attack or something, is that better than letting me leave the room for you?

- Go back to eating and staying awake, we can think about it later.

I left the room and went straight to Jisoo's office, telling her my perception of her condition, which would help her with the next prescription of medication, and what she had said about leaving the room.

Even though she promised to come back and eat, Jisoo didn't allow her to leave, which left my hands tied, but I'd think about it later.

I was happy, she was still talking about her feelings and asking for help unconsciously, maybe there was still light at the end of her tunnel, I wasn't going to give up until she found it.