Save me •Chaelisa

crisis

Pov Roseanne Park

Before the attempt

- There's a visitor for you, child. - I stared at my mother with a not-so-good expression, already guessing who it was.

- Mom, it's about time you stopped picking on me.

- You know what I think of her, but let's not argue now, you need to rest.

- Okay, you can send her in. - I got into bed and tidied up a few strands of my hair.

Suzy came into the room, her hair was loose and she was wearing a blue sweatshirt, the one I'd given her. She looked around before approaching, her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt.

- Hi princess, how are you?" Suzy came closer and gave me a little kiss on the lips, slowly taking her hand out of my pocket and putting what I had asked for under my pillow.

- I'm trying to be okay. - she pursed her lips.

- I brought it just so you wouldn't go into withdrawal, you know? - I rolled my eyes.

- Since when do you get so upset about it?

- Since you used what I gave you to try to kill yourself.

- I didn't try to kill myself, I just wanted to sleep.

- Of course with 35 pills. - I smiled at her and watched her nod. - I miss you at home, it's not the same without you.

- I know, I also miss using those pills and smoking weed with you.

- Will it be long before you come back?

- I hope not. - I smiled again, I still couldn't believe I'd gotten what I wanted.

- Let me know before you try to kill yourself again. - she came close to my ear. - I want to fuck you first.

- You're not worth a penny. - I said in denial, pulling his neck and kissing his lips.

She sucked on my tongue and bit my lower lip, we turned at the same time to the door and Suzy jumped out of bed, I started laughing, she was tough while my mother wasn't around, who would want a pill seller around their daughter.

- Are you finished? She needs to rest. - my mother said, crossing her arms.

- I'll see you when I get back. - she said quietly, just for me to hear, kissing me on the forehead before leaving.

My mother took a long time to find out that I used drugs with her, Suzy had studied with me and Jennie all through high school but she and Jennie didn't get along at all for the same reason as my mother, but I loved her, she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and she never cared about my crises or my marks, when we had sex she kissed every single one of them, we couldn't be called girlfriends because I was totally unstable, but we were something.

- There's no chance of you ever seeing that girl again.

- I'm hoping so too, Mom, I won't see anyone dead anyway. - my mother looked at me taking a deep breath, she used to freak out when she heard me talk but she seemed to have got used to my mood.

I was smiling at everyone, thinking I'd take all that medicine and never wake up, my mother and Suzy would be the last people I'd see.

The nurses were always around me, except when they had to change shifts or when I needed to go to the bathroom. I asked before the second nurse changed to go to the bathroom, and after taking the pill Suzy had given me along with my cell phone, I sat down on the floor and took the pills out of the capsule.

- Clonazepam Suzy, what the hell! - the chances of me dying from those pills were very slim, she'd actually brought them just so I wouldn't die from withdrawal, there were only a few units left.

As I stared at the pills, I began to think of a way for them to have the effect I wanted. I looked around the bathroom and saw a liquid in a transparent bottle near the toilet.

I took it in my hands, took the cap off and smelled the strong odor, my chest tightened very strongly and I started to go into crisis, I started to cry a lot and my breathing became totally out of control, what was I doing?, how would my mother look after I did that?, the last word I had said to her was that I was going to die.

No one deserved to go through that again, and I had to promise myself that it would be the last, I stared at the screen of my cell phone lying on the floor, I opened my address book and saw the number of Jennie my mother and Lisa, the tears fell on the screen and I dried some with the back of my hand, with my hand shaking I called Lisa I didn't know what to say but she had helped me with a crisis, I wasn't sure I wanted to do it anymore.

I dialed her number, staring at the bottle and the long hair.

- Hello? - she said on the other end.

- It's me, Rose. - it was hard to speak with my voice all bottled up.

- Has something happened? - I had left her worried.

- I... I guess. - I tried to formulate the words but I couldn't even breathe properly.

- Where are you? Can you tell me?

- In the bathroom. - Lisa hung up the phone, she was probably coming.

I could wait for her, she would help me with the crisis, but I wasn't sure I wanted to, I only had one chance.

I took the pills in my hands, still shaking and wet with tears, put them all in my mouth and took them with the liquid from the bottle.

I felt like I was drinking a bottle of vodka. I stood up with difficulty, threw the tablet in the toilet and tried to flush it, but then I fell over.

I heard banging on the door but I didn't know if it was real, I was dizzy and losing consciousness, my body was shaking, what had I done again? I was alone and scared, I didn't want to die like this.

- Hi Rose, it's Lisa, can you open the door? - I couldn't answer, I was choking on something that came out of my mouth.

I stared at the ceiling and felt it spinning, my throat burning.

- Open the door Rose. - I didn't know who was calling but I could hear them, and I dragged myself with difficulty to the door.

I was feeling unbearable pain throughout my body, I wanted it to stop, I wanted it to end, I raised my hand and turned the key before falling back onto the floor with my body struggling against it.

Someone turned me sideways and I started to lose consciousness for good, I couldn't hear anything else, feel anything else, I knew that feeling.

I was going to die.