You're not alone

Chapter 1 - Being of use

"Blood and ashes! Why isn't it working?"

Moiraine Damodred, Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah, kneeled in front of a bundle of branches, cursing, with a dagger and a firestone in her hands. For quite a while, she tried to create a spark that would ignite the straw. Without the spark, she couldn't make a fire. What was she doing wrong?

I did everything like Lan showed me! I only pilled the smaller branches, so the fire would grow. And I need to ignite the straw to put the branches on fire. But it's not working!

The Aes Sedai was frustrated. It had been three weeks since they had left Fal Dara. After Lan had brought her back to the city that had never fallen and had told the Emond's Fielder about Rand's 'death', Nynaeve had tried to kill her. It had been only because of Lan's quick reflexes that the furious woman hadn't been able to strangle her. And at that moment, a small part of Moiraine had wished Lan hadn't stopped Nynaeve. Without her connection to the One Power, she was useless to everyone around her. She couldn't heal any injuries – the Wisdom had to help everyone with her herbs and didn't hold back to remind Moiraine about it. The woman of the Blue Ajah had assisted as best as she could, yet it had been obvious to whom those people owed their thanks. It was only because of Nynaeve's skills that so many people survived – including the Ogier.

Apart from not being able to heal anyone, Moiraine couldn't unmask her bond with Lan, which drove him further away from her with every passing day. The woman of the Blue Ajah had apologized to him for masking the bond, leaving him behind, and not telling him about her plan. Lan had listened with his stoic face and had said he understood her decision, but there was this nasty cold coming from him when they were together, which told her he hadn't forgiven her yet.

And she had this strange feeling he searched for reasons to get away from her – by helping Nynaeve with the injured ones, working through his training, taking a walk to clear his head – anything that gave him a break from being around her. Moiraine tried her best not to show how much his absence hurt her. In the end, she started to push him away by finding tasks for him that would get him closer to Nynaeve. She didn't want him to feel forced to stay by her side because of the former bond they had shared for years. If Nynaeve was the one who made him happy, he should be with her.

Then there had been Perrin and Loial. The Ogier had been heavily injured by the peddler Padan Fain, yet he had been quick in accompanying the young blacksmith in his search for Fain and the stolen Horn of Valere. Moiraine had tried to talk them out of it and had failed. Even Nynaeve's outburst hadn't helped. Perrin and Loial had left Fal Dara in the middle of the night, which was another reason why the young woman was angry with Moiraine. In her eyes, the Aes Sedai was responsible for their departure, though she had also tried to stop them.

After a few days, Egwene had asked about their next steps, but when the woman of the Blue Ajah had mentioned the two young women needed to go to the White Tower to become Novices, the Wisdom nearly ripped her head off. She wanted to find her missing friend and the Ogier rather than learn how to use the One Power.

It had been Lan who had knocked some sense into the two women until they had finally admitted they couldn't do anything for Perrin and agreed to go to the White Tower.

This happened three weeks ago. Since then, they had been riding day after day, getting closer to Tar Valon. Dragonmount had come into view a couple of days ago – slowly getting closer with every passing day – and Moiraine was certain they would reach the home of the Aes Sedai within the following day. The Cairhien woman noticed how she became more nervous the closer they got and hoped Lan wouldn't notice. Since they had returned to Fal Dara, a plan had formed in her head – a plan she would see through, no matter how much it hurt. And it would hurt. She was sure of that.