You're not alone

Chapter 2 - A heartbreaking decision

Moiraine will do anything for Lan and wants him to be happy. But to ensure his happiness, she has to make a heartbreaking decision.

On the next day, they rode in silence. Since Moiraine had started the fire for the night, Nynaeve hadn't been able to insult her – which was bugging her – yet she couldn't get over herself to tell the woman she did great. It had been Egwene who had told Moiraine how impressed she was by the fire. During their dinner, the young woman from the Two Rivers had asked a thousand questions about the White Tower, the Aes Sedai, and what it was to be a Novice. The Wisdom had snorted at her friend's curiosity but had listened to every word nonetheless. Moiraine had done her best to ignore the comments.

They had been riding for hours now, and Lan scouted the area – or maybe he just needed a moment to himself, away from the evil eyes and insults. Dragonmount was close, and Moiraine recognized her surroundings. Tar Valon was just around the corner. You are exiled from this tower. Siuan's words echoed in Moiraine's ears, and a stab of pain hit her heart. She couldn't enter the tower. She was still exiled. Nynaeve and Egwene would have to enter Tar Valon alone.

No, they won't be alone, Moiraine thought when her eyes fell on Lan, returning to them. Light burns me. He will hate me for making a decision about his life without him again. But it is necessary.

Since they had left Fal Dara, the Aes Sedai had thought about her future. Without Saidar, she was a burden to Lan. She couldn't fight anymore and couldn't heal him should he get hurt. And she saw the looks of Nynaeve, staring longing at Lan whenever he wasn't looking. Did he know how much this young woman loved him? No matter if he did or not, Moiraine was sure Nynaeve would make her move once she was out of the picture.

"The path is clear," Lan explained once he was back by their side. "We reach Tar Valon in an hour."

Moiraine's hands felt sweaty. Light, how was she supposed to do this? She couldn't do it in Tar Valon. Lan wouldn't accept any excuses from her once they had passed the gates. No, she needed to act now. "I need a break."

Confused, Lan furrowed his forehead. She never asked for a break. Usually, she was the last one getting out of the saddle. Well, there had been no doubt her clever Warder would see through her annunciation, but Moiraine needed time to think about the best way to tell him about her plan.

Nynaeve wasn't happy either about the break. If Moiraine wouldn't know it better, she said the Wisdom was eager to reach the White Tower. Or maybe it was just because she wanted to get rid of Moiraine. "Now you need a break? According to Lan, we reach Tar Valon within an hour. Can't you wait until then? I bet your sisters will be happy to offer you all the comfort you seek."

The woman of the Blue Ajah brought her horse to a halt and dismounted. "We've been riding for hours. I need to walk." Then she looked at the Wisdom with cold eyes. "Besides, I didn't know you were this eager to become a Novice, Wisdom."

Growling, the young woman from the Two Rivers dismounted her own horse, and Egwene followed her example. Nynaeve was angry that Moiraine had reminded her about her dislike of the White Tower.

But the Aes Sedai had no interest in continuing her argument with the Wisdom. Nervously, she tied the reins of her horse to the nearest tree, then walked deeper between the trees. She needed some distance from the two younger women. Light, she needed to think! There was no easy way of saying it, but she couldn't...

"What is it?"

Moiraine swirled around when she heard Lan's voice in her back. He had followed her, and his eyes moved warily over her. Blood and ashes! This man knew her too well!